Dating seems simple enough: you meet someone for a drink or dinner, talk about your lives, and if you get along, you keep seeing each other. There’s just one problem: some people love to play games and those games can make trying to figure out what’s going on absolutely impossible. I’m not going to participate in that any longer. Here are the 12 dating rules I’m playing by from now on:
- Make whatever moves I want. From the first move to asking a guy out a second time, I’m going to do what I can to see if there’s an opportunity for a real connection. After all, I’m pretty sure that being confident and sure of myself is pretty attractive, so it’s not like guys are going to think this is awful — at least not any guy I’d ever want to date.
- Text a guy whenever I feel like it. From now on, I’m going to forget the texting rules. I’m going to text him when I want to, whether it’s in-between dates, just to chat or to say that I had a good time and want to see him again. I won’t care who texted first or if I’m being too clingy. If it feels right, I’m sending the text.
- Have more fun. It’s easy to forget that dating is supposed to be an enjoyable thing. I’m not immune to focusing on the worst parts about the search for love instead of having fun in the moment. That’s no longer going to happen. I’m going to start enjoying myself on dates and forget everything else.
- Don’t compare new guys to my exes (or almost exes). It’s not my future boyfriend’s fault that a guy once broke my heart or another one refused to commit. I’m not going to blame them for the past mistakes of other people. This may be easier said than done, like a lot of other things in life, but I’m determined.
- Do what I want instead of asking my friends. I love my BFFs and think they’re the best, but I do tend to let their advice cloud my judgment more often than I want to admit. Instead of asking for feedback on a situation or asking what I should text a guy, I’m going to do what I want instead. It might feel strange at first not to ask them what they think, but it’s going to make things better in the long run.
- Tell my friends about a new guy when there’s actually something to tell. This is something I have learned the hard way. Like everyone else, I get super excited when I finally meet a nice guy. Then I tell my friends about him, they’re happy for me, and most of the time, nothing happens. It sucks and would be embarrassing except for the fact that my friends would never make me feel bad about this. I’m going to change things, though, and only talk when there’s something to talk about.
- Don’t take second and third dates so seriously. I used to think that these dates were huge deals since, come on, why would you go on more than a first date if you weren’t really interested in someone? Now I know that the second and third dates are just another chance to get to know someone better and that they don’t mean that a future relationship is set in stone. I’m going to change my perspective about these for sure.
- Get back on the dating app horse. After a bad first date or an almost relationship, it’s tempting to focus on the parts of my life that are actually working. However, refusing to keep trying is just prolonging the inevitable (AKA the moment when I decide to start dating again). I’m going to keep going on dates and remember why I’m making the effort.
- Believe that love is in my future. Since I haven’t been in a long-term relationship for years, it would be easy and even kind of logical to think that it won’t ever happen for me again. I refuse to think that way. I’m going to believe that love is absolutely in my future.
- Stay positive (but for real). I always claim that I’m optimistic about my dating life and that no matter what, I want to remember everything I have to be grateful for. Most of the time I can do that, but other times, I let myself get pretty down. No more. I’m going to actually stay positive, push through the disappointment and keep hoping.
- Count my successes, not my failures. Instead of thinking that I haven’t found love yet, I’m going to think about what I have found and experienced. I’ve gone on so many second and third dates this year so far, I’m definitely getting closer to meeting someone for real. I know who I want to be with and I know who to ignore. I know myself more and am more comfortable with getting into a real relationship. From now on, I’m going to see myself as a dating success story… even if I’m still single right now.
