Making the first move on a guy takes guts, but if you don’t take a chance, you don’t have one! Here are 12 fears you might experience when thinking of making the first move on a guy and how to prevent them from ruining your game:
- What if he rejects me? This is the biggest fear that’ll be going through your mind. Rejection sucks and it can make you feel terrible, but is it really the worst thing in the world? Not even close. So what if one guy rejects you? What you’ll remember from this experience is that you were bold enough to make things happen in your life and overcome your fear. It’s really not about the guy at all.
- How should I do it? You might fear your approach because let’s face it: you’ve been on the receiving end of really bad moves guys have made on you, so you know how crucial those first words are. However, your first move isn’t a declaration of love. It can be something really simple. Say you’ve chatted to the cute new guy who works in the same building as you do a few times. All you have to do is ask him if he’d like to go for coffee sometime during your next talk. Pretend you’re just asking a friend out to hang to take the pressure off.
- What if it changes our friendship? It can be scary to think that he’s not into you at all meanwhile now he knows you have it bad for him, but be smart about this. If you ask him to coffee and he looks like he isn’t feeling it, you can always backtrack and say, “I meant as friends” to cover yourself and prevent future awkwardness. Sorted.
- What if I make a total fool of myself? How badly can this really go? Once you’ve practiced what to say and you’ve built up the courage to make the first move, there’s really not much that can go wrong. You might look a bit shy or embarrassed, but so what? At least you’re living and trying something new! Remember, you’ll regret not doing it much more than doing it.
- What if I’m out of his league? There are no such things as leagues. There are just people attracted to each other. Forget that idea that someone is better/more attractive/more interesting than you. It’s total BS.
- Will this make me a chaser if we do hook up? You might fear that by making the first move, you’re basically setting the scene for what roles you’re going to be playing. For instance, you’re the hunter and he’s the prey. This means that you’ll have to take the lead on everything from now on, right? But no, it doesn’t mean that at all. You’re not chasing him. You’re just asking him out and letting the ball rest in his court.
- Will I seem desperate? You’re not walking up to him and removing your clothes. You’re just asking him if he’d like to go out sometime. Big deal. Any guy who sees that as desperate is a caveman you wouldn’t want to date anyway.
- I’m just too shy, I’ll screw things up. If you’re a really shy person, your fear is what could screw you up more than actually making the first move. But it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make the first move. Just do it via text instead of in person.
- I’m not ready and never will be. Making the first move isn’t for everyone. Sometimes your ideas of what you think should happen in dating — boy meets girl, boy makes the first move — are too strong to disable. Or, you’re just so freaked out that you can’t do it. That’s fine. You can still flirt with the guy to show him you’re interested and nudge him to ask you out.
- What if he’s super shy and it ends up being a disaster? No matter how shy a guy is, he’ll love the ego boost he gets from a woman making a move on him. If he’s been too shy to ask you out then by making the first move, you’ll really make his day by taking the pressure off him.
- What if the conversation doesn’t flow and I stand there like a total idiot? You don’t have to. Pay attention to any verbal or nonverbal clues that you just don’t connect or that he’s not interested. It can be something as subtle as a hesitant pause when you ask him something personal. These clues will guide you so that you don’t waste your time on the wrong guy or end up feeling caught in a really long, awkward silence. Eek!
- Why the hell didn’t he ask me out if he’s into me now that I’ve asked him?! So you asked him to coffee and he said yes, but it’s not all hunky-dory. You might fear that he only said yes because you put him on the spot. You might think, “If he really liked me he wouldn’t have waited for me to ask him out.” But honestly, it doesn’t matter who makes the first move. What matters is how things progress. So once you’ve exchanged numbers or he’s promised to text you later, let him show you that he’s willing to make as much effort as you have to make this thing happen. He owes you one.
