12 Lessons Your Single Friends Refuse to Learn

Being in a relationship isn’t the be all, end all, but it’s natural to want long-term companionship – especially as you get older. But what do you do when you’ve found happiness with a guy and your friends are still struggling through the dating game? Offering advice would be patronizing, but you can’t help thinking they’d be a lot more successful in their quest for love if they stopped making the same mistakes over and over again.

They obsess over the unattainable. Dear single friends, that person you’ve been obsessed with for 10 years is not interested. Just. Let. It. Go. You’ll be much happier once you start focusing on what you can attain.

They have unrealistic expectations. Creating a list of features you’re looking for in a partner can be really damaging – for both you and your potential partner. No one’s perfect, and putting your ideal partner on a pedestal before you even meet them causes all kinds of problems. In the end, you never know what you’re “type” is until you meet them, so keep an open mind.

They’re only focusing on looks. Sure, looks are important, but you don’t need fake tan, abs or new clothes to catch a man. You need confidence, a big smile, inner happiness and a heart that’s open and willing to love. Focus on being a better you from the outside in, and you’ll attract a partner that loves you for you – not just for what you look like.

They’re being too nice.  There’s nothing worse than watching your friend bend over backwards for some loser who just lazes around and does nothing in return.  The key is finding a balance between being nice and being a pushover. Be just as nice as you naturally are, but only continue to do so if the other person is reciprocal of your kindness. If they don’t – well, you’ve just saved a ton of time! Dump their selfish ass.

They waste time in crappy relationships. We all have a friend who’s a serial monogamist. They cling on to each and every new person, regardless of how well they actually work together because they’re afraid to be alone. But in practice, this ends up just wasting time. While these friends might not always technically be single, it’s just a matter of time before they are again. And again. And again…

They idealize their friends’ relationships – even the crappy ones. Being in a relationship isn’t the ideal – especially if it’s not a good one. If a relationship is bad, then it’s definitely worse than being single. Instead of admiring crappy relationships, focus on being grateful that you have the opportunity to find something better.    

They romanticize the “first encounter”. Sure, we’ve all dreamt about it. You’re in a bookstore, you pick up a copy your favorite Sci-Fi author and a guy notices you. You make eye contact. He comes over and compliments your choice in reading material… and romance is born. While it’s okay to dream, the reality is quite different. In fact, 30% of couples meet through their friends. Not so glamorous, but it’s real.

They’re chasing the wrong guys. What is it with this “bad boy” attraction? Are all our single friends just masochists? Stop with the drama. These guys are no good. You deserve better.

They say yes to guys they’re not even interested in. I know it’s hard to say “no” – especially if it’s been months since you went on a date – but if it’s someone you genuinely don’t feel any attraction to, then don’t waste your (and their) time. Take the compliment, use it to make you more confident, but save yourself the time and politely decline.

They put all guys in the same box. Sweeping statements are hard to swallow at the best of times, but when it comes to dating, the single friend who just won’t stop sulking and lamenting that “all men are asshats” is not doing themselves any favors.

They’re letting bad experiences hold them back. How does that saying go again? When you fall off the horse, just lie in the mud and be trampled on?? Come on girl. Get back in the saddle and show them how it’s done!

They’re letting being single define them. Being “single” shouldn’t be a defining feature. You’re not the “single” friend, you’re the funny, kind, cool, happy, ambitious, successful friend. Try to think of being single as a transitional stage in your life rather than a label.

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