12 Reasons I Always Want The Guy I Can’t Have

Oh, the art of pining after a guy who’s unavailable! I’m a pro — I’ve been doing this crap since high school, and some things never change. You’d think I would’ve moved on to more attainable guys eventually, but no. Here are a few of my issues that lead to me wanting guys who will never be mine:

  1. The best guys are always taken. In middle school, it was hot, popular Clinton. His girlfriend didn’t like me much — go figure. The older you get, the worse this situation gets. Now the great guys don’t just have girlfriends, they have fiancees and wives. I’m not messing around with any of that, but it does bum me out that the pickings are getting so slim! What am I gonna do if I don’t find someone soon?
  2. Sometimes I don’t realize at first. Nothing sucks more than meeting an amazing guy who doesn’t mention he has a girlfriend. We get all buddy-buddy and I totally think we’re vibing, only to have him drop the bomb casually days later. The worst. This isn’t my fault! I can’t help it if he’s trying to keep his S.O. on the down low. Pretty shady, if you ask me.
  3. I make friends with guys easily. I’m that girl who can get along with anyone. The problem with this is that I become friends with guys and then start liking them romantically in spite of myself. I can remind myself all day long that a guy has a girlfriend and is totally off-limits, but I can’t simply stop my feelings from developing.
  4. Guys don’t see me as a relationship threat. Lucky me, I’m the non-threatening best buddy type of girl. So fun, right? I’m so tired of being friend-zoned by both single and taken guy friends. It’s like all those engaged and married dudes are totally down to chill with me because I’m so vanilla that their chicks don’t even worry about it. That feels great, let me tell ya.
  5. It’s safer that way. I can have harmless crushes on guys who are taken without worrying about any real life issues. I can fantasize about what it would be like to date them without those dreams becoming ruined by the humdrum reality. Why risk my heart on relationships that will most likely end up hurting me when I can just moon over cuties from afar and know that it’ll never amount to anything painful?
  6. I don’t have any real risks involved. If I like a guy who’s actually available, I risk so very many things. I might never find out if there’s a chance at all because I’m too shy to tell him I like him. I might get rejected before we even go on a date. I might go out with him, only to discover there’s no chemistry at all. I might go out with him only to think he’s awesome but have him decide he’s not into it. I might end up dating him and then get my heart broken later. Aaaaaaah!
  7. I’m scared of actual commitment. I’ll admit it — I’m afraid to be in a long-term committed relationship because I’m at the age where that means getting old and boring together. I want my life to be full of adventure and perpetually interesting. I don’t want to settle down into a monotonous career and have a bunch of kids. I’m not a traditional sort of girl at all. I’m also afraid of commitment because it means giving my heart over to someone and risking getting it trampled.
  8. I’m a hopeless romantic. It’s stupid, but it feels more romantic to pine away over someone I can never have. Well – never say never. Sometimes I think, oh, we’ll stay friends, and then maybe someday down the line we’ll both happen to be single and… whatever. Of course that never happens, but it’s fun to imagine the scenario. Maybe I’m hoping that whichever guy I think is amazing at the time will realize how awesome I am and decide he just HAS to be with me. Ha! Likely story.
  9. Impossible love is actually the easiest kind. It gives me an excuse for why I don’t want to date — I can’t find anyone as great as my awesome, taken male friends. It doesn’t require any time, emotional energy or compromise. I don’t have to deal with all the messy components of a real live relationship. It’s a commitment-phobe’s wet dream!
  10. It gives me a harmless distraction. I’m obviously not going to do anything about it. I would never be a homewrecker. That grosses me out, and so does the idea of a guy cheating on his wife or girlfriend with me. I couldn’t be that girl. All I can think about is how I would feel if I was in her shoes. Nope! Never gonna happen. It’s nice to have someone to flirt with when you both know there’s no weirdness involved. Sure, I might end up with a little crush, but I’ll get over it.
  11. I like to daydream. I’ve always been like that, ever since I was a little kid. The combo of hopeless romantic and daydreamer is disastrous when it comes to love! Sometimes I’d simply rather think about what could be and never really will than deal with the actual issues of life. Everything is easier when it’s hypothetical.
  12. I like challenges. Can I maintain a friendship and keep my crush under wraps? Can I kill my crush with actual common sense and logic? I would like to get there someday, and I’m working on it. I want to be able to be friends with awesome guys and not get attached, whether they have significant others or not. I want to be able to tell what a healthy match is and what isn’t, so I stop spinning in this endless cycle of dating guys who aren’t right for me. This is the challenge, and it’s one I need to conquer.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.