You might be so used to convincing yourself that he’s a great guy that you ignore all the reasons why you shouldn’t be with him. It’s time to stop and see your boyfriend for who he really is! If you’re doing any of these things, you’re turning a blind eye to his fatal flaws and the fact that he’s wrong for you.
You say there’s worse out there. When you say things like, “My guy might be lazy/critical/a jerk, but hey, at least he’s not an alcoholic like Pam’s husband!” you’re really saying more about yourself than Pam. You’re saying that you’re trying really hard to see your boyfriend in a better light. Screw that—see him for who he really is! He’s not going to change.
You avoid your friends. You might still hang out with your girls when you get into a long-term relationship but you avoid letting your friends meet your boyfriend. You might do this because you say that they’re very different and won’t get along when deep down you’re actually embarrassed by your boyfriend’s nasty comments or slob-like appearance. Yikes.
You try to excuse his behavior. When your friends do eventually get to meet your guy, they only have negative things to say about him. You find yourself giving them reasons (read: excuses) for why he behaves so badly. You might say, “No, really! He’s just going through a lot/his parents got divorced when he was nine/he’s actually a really nice guy once you get to know him.”
You bite your tongue a lot. Do you find yourself biting your tongue a lot around your boyfriend, like when he makes a “funny” comment about your new hairstyle or shoes? Maybe you’re not the confrontational type, but at what cost? If you have so much to speak up about, you should do so—and then leave!
But you love him. Sometimes your boyfriend really pisses you off, or maybe your loved ones pipe up and say he’s not a good person. You end up throwing that lame statement around: “But I love him!” You might be so elbow-deep in your feelings for this guy that you’re actually in love with loving him but not who he really is.
You avoid him. If you find yourself finding reasons to be apart from your boyfriend and insist that you need more “me time” when you really don’t, you might be avoiding him so that he won’t throw his fatal flaws in your face. Hey, out of sight, out of mind, right? Yeah, except for the fact that you’re just delaying your frustration and resentment.
You turn him into a personal project. You might think that it’s OK if your boyfriend is a bit lazy and doesn’t seem to be that big on commitment because you can whip him into shape. Um, no. By trying to fix him as though he’s a work in progress, you’re really just trying to buy yourself some time. The truth is that he’s never going to be the guy you want. If he’s not right for you now, he’s never going to be.
You don’t want to be alone. You might think that it’s better to be unhappy in a relationship instead of single. Really? That means that you’re signing up for many days of heartache, disappointment, and a lack of love. It’s just not worth it. If you’re tempted to turn a blind eye to your partner’s red flags and flaws just so that you can say you have someone, don’t do it!
You’re fighting for who he was. Sometimes, guys seem amazing at the beginning of a relationship and then slowly reveal their true, ugly colors. The problem is that you’re not seeing those colors for what they are. You’re holding on for what he was like in the early dating days and you’re only setting yourself up for disappointment. Maybe who he appeared to be was just an illusion, which means you’re waiting for someone to return who doesn’t actually exist.
You walk around on eggshells. If you know your partner has a violent temper or crazy mood swings, you might end up trying to prevent him from losing his cool. Maybe you avoid him on his bad days or boost his mood when he’s going through his month-long depression and drug binge. Um, what? You might be trying to change him with love, but you’re sadly wasting your time. Anyone who appears to have a dangerous psychological disorder doesn’t need you behaving like his psychologist. He needs professional help—and you need to get out for your own sanity.
You oversell his good traits. If you’re always talking about how great your partner is, whether online or in RL, you might start making people wonder if you’re being genuine or just trying too hard to make it seem like your relationship is perfect. The truth is that a great relationship is one that you don’t have to try hard to sell. It will show that it’s good for you and you’ll feel good in it. Which brings me to the next point…
You never feel happy but you don’t admit it. Since getting with your guy, you find yourself going through more anxiety, more depression, and longer days of just feeling like something’s not right. Instead of immediately thinking you have a problem, pay attention to how your boyfriend makes you feel. Maybe his fatal flaws are rubbing off on you and making your mood drop. By not admitting what’s happening and thinking you can turn your frown upside down, you’re really just screwing yourself over. You deserve happiness and this guy’s not it.
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