You’ve been seeing this guy for awhile now and you’re ready to take things to the next level. He seems as into you as you are to him, so there’s no problem, right? Only suddenly, things don’t seem to be progressing as well as you thought they would—in fact, they’re not moving at all. If you notice these signs, you might want to get out now because it’s just not going to happen.
He chooses his friends over you. Essentially, he’d much rather go out with his homeboys than take you out on a date. You know this because he’s blown you off for his friends, oh, about 205 times now and it’s getting old! Spending time with friends should still be a priority for both of you in the beginning, but not to the extent where he’s actively choosing them over you every time he has some spare time. What a jerk.
He never initiates plans. You always have to decide what you guys are doing and where you’re going and what time you should both get there. He never makes these arrangements, which comes across badly, like he doesn’t even care. If he’s too lazy to even make plans with you, what makes you think he’s eventually going to commit to a relationship with you?
You always have to go to his place—he never comes to you. You spend every Saturday night at his house without fail. He never wants to stay at yours. Perhaps you’ve already kicked up a stink about it and he gave you the following answer: “I just like it at mine.” Translation? He’s got too used to his own environment and the fact that he’s not even willing to venture out to yours every now and then just speaks volumes.
He gives you too much space. You’re ready to see him again after a couple of days, but he’d quite happily leave it until next week or even the week after. He rarely checks in even though these early stages are supposed to be the most exciting, where you can’t get enough of each other. Hate to break it you but it seems like he’s over it before it’s even begun!
He regularly cancels or postpones dates. He lets you down repeatedly at the last minute and doesn’t really say why. “Something came up” is his typical excuse, or something equally as poor, and he doesn’t even rearrange anything with you. Or, if he does, it takes him a long time which gets you to a point where you feel impatient and irritable. Dude, you don’t do this with someone you’re planning to commit to. It’s not right.
He never texts you first. You always want to message him and see what he’s up to but he never messages you “just because.” You’re the one that makes the most effort with communication when you’re not physically spending time together because he’s too busy living his life. This is not fair. There should always be a balance, and don’t you convince yourself otherwise!
He doesn’t make an effort with your friends and family. You’re happy to spend time with his friends when you’re all over at his house, and you’ve even hinted that you wouldn’t mind attending his great Uncle Fred’s birthday party in the coming weeks as his guest. He’s just not interested in spending time with your special people. Heck, he rarely even makes the time for you. Big warning sign. Like, huge. All up in your face.
He never talks about his feelings. He’s not open with you about his feelings and never even hints at what he’s thinking in regards to you and your future together. He hides it all from you even when you ask him outright. There’s a reason why he doesn’t want to tell you, and it’s usually almost always bad news.
He goes hot and cold. One minute he’s all over you, the next minute he acts as if you’ve got cooties. This is a classic sign of someone who doesn’t have a clue what he wants, or he’s trying to show you in his actions that he doesn’t want a future because you mean nothing to him. Ladies, don’t allow him to treat you with such disrespect—you deserve so much better.
He’d rather have you over than take you on a date. If he has you over, it makes things so much easier for him. He doesn’t have to spend time, money and energy taking you out—and he’s guaranteed sex. Sex without the romantic build-up usually always ends up being just sex. True story.
He doesn’t notice when you back off a bit. You’ve probably tried to do that thing where you back off massively and give him space to actually miss you (we all do it), but it’s not exactly turned out the way that you hoped it would. He doesn’t seem to notice or care where you’ve gone, and the only one who’s left upset is you. Not worth it.
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