It’s not always easy to know whether a guy’s trying to control you—most of them don’t come out and say it, after all. They quietly manipulate you so you don’t even realize you’re under their control until later. You don’t want to become a victim, so if these 12 signs sound familiar, you need to walk away:
- He’s Too Romantic. Does he surprise you with weekend plans or outfits from your favorite boutique? It might seem romantic but it could also be controlling. He wants to be in charge of what you do, who you do it with, and what you wear while doing it. Pay attention. Don’t just assume he’s being chivalrous when he orders for you at a restaurant.
- He Doesn’t Like Your Friends. Maybe he hasn’t straight up said he hates them but he hasn’t welcomed your friends into his life. He never thinks to include them in plans or ask how they’re doing. Chances are, he doesn’t even remember their names. He’s trying to distance you from your friends, but he’s doing it subtly by pretending they don’t even exist.
- He Wants To Know Everything. In the beginning, this can seem like a good thing. After all, how many guys have you dated who take such a strong interest in your everyday life? (Probably not many.) He’s not controlling for asking questions, he’s controlling for asking questions that strip away your privacy. He doesn’t just want to know where you are, he wants to know your inner thoughts and he gets upset if you don’t tell him.
- He Doesn’t Want What’s Best For You. He claims to want nothing but the best for you. If that was true, he’d actually take an interest in your personal and professional life. But that’s not what he does. He ignores your accomplishments and doesn’t ask about your job. He’s not criticizing what you do, but he’s also not taking an interest. Sounds worse.
- He Loves To Criticize You. Before him, you never knew how much you talked or that you were a horrible cook. These days, you’re very aware of your own flaws and that’s because he talks about them almost every single day. He claims he’s trying to help you improve, but it sounds like he’s trying to mold you into the person he wants.
- He Doesn’t Ask, He Commands. He doesn’t ask you to go to dinner, he tells you it’s happening. Everything he says ends with an exclamation point instead of a question mark. Not okay! It doesn’t matter who he is, he should NEVER be commanding. Never! You’re his partner, not his child or his subordinate.
- His Love Feels Conditional. He probably hasn’t said, “I’ll only love you if you look good in a pair of jeans,” but you kind of know that’s the case. Maybe it’s the way he looks you up and down or the comments he makes. Either way, you know his love is conditional and that he could fall out of love with you if you gain weight, lose your job, or change your hair color.
- You’re Always Apologizing. He makes you feel guilty for everything, which is why you’re always apologizing. You apologize when you spend time with your friends instead of him. You apologize when you forgot to text back. You apologize for your own words and thoughts. He makes you feel bad about living your own life and doing what you love.
- He Can’t Handle Your Strong Will. He freaks out whenever you speak up for yourself. The truth is, he can’t handle confrontation and he definitely can’t handle you having your own opinions. That’s why he crumbles the second you confront him. He shuts down when you say something he doesn’t like or he hits you with the silent treatment. Either way, he becomes the victim even when you’re the one who’s upset.
- His Behavior Is All Over The Place. He’s not consistent. Sometimes, he showers you with affection. And sometimes, he ghosts and doesn’t talk to you for days. Pay attention to this kind of behavior. Not only is it controlling, but it’s also manipulative. If he’s inconsistent, your emotions will be inconsistent. This means you’ll never feel comfortable with him or really know where you stand.
- He Treats You Like A Child. Remember when you were a kid and your parents dictated where you could and couldn’t go. Well, your relationship is exactly like that. Except he’s not your mom or dad, he’s your significant other. Why is he giving you restrictions? Well, according to him, he’s trying to protect you because he loves you so much. But in actuality, he’s just controlling.
- You Don’t Know What You Want Anymore. Before you two started dating, you knew exactly where you were going. Now, you’re not too sure. And that’s because your life has become dependent on his — without you realizing it. You used to be self-guided and now you look to him for answers on everything, even your career. Sorry, but he shouldn’t be making you feel so reliant on him. And more importantly, you shouldn’t be giving him that much power.
