12 Signs You’re Not Number One In His Life

When it comes to dating, there are always signs when things are going well or not. If your partner’s showing you any of these red flags, some of which are pretty subtle, then it’s pretty clear that you’re not very high on his list of priorities (or on it at all).

  1. You get shifted around his schedule. He had plans with you but now something has come up with his best friend so he has to cancel? Unless it’s an impromptu trip to the ER and it happens often, that’s sure to make you feel like he can easily scrap Saturday night dates with you for others in his life. They’re more important to him.
  2. He’s inconsistent. It’s the classic sign that you’re not number one on his list: he can go from chatting to you all the time to hardly making contact. The reason? It all depends on what’s going on in his life. If he’s suddenly too busy (that’s such a silly excuse), then he’ll fly under the radar for a while.
  3. He’s always late. Is there anything more annoying than dealing with someone who always rocks up to your dates late? Not only does it waste your time, but it shows you that they have a lack of respect for you and where else you need to be. A guy who views you as a priority will not only make time for you but get to you on time.
  4. Your things aren’t a big deal. When it’s your birthday, your bestie’s baby shower, or something else that makes you feel excited, your partner is either not around or he’s quick to tone down the whole occasion. Not cool. This is a sign of a bigger problem in your relationship: he’s not sharing joyous moments with you like partners should.
  5. You’re on the sidelines of his life. If you’ve been dating for a while but you never get invited out with his friends, the ones he’s always talking to you about, that’s a sure sign you’re not important enough to him. If you were, he’d want you to be a bigger part of his life instead of leaving you on the sidelines.
  6. He doesn’t check-in. You have a horrible headache or stressful day at work and mention it to your partner. He doesn’t really ask you about it or check up on you the next day to see how you’re feeling. That right there is a clear sign he’s not valuing you in the way that a partner should.
  7. He interrupts you. A guy who sees you as important and wants to be with you is going to want to hear your thoughts, opinions, and feelings. He’s not going to talk over you. If he does then he’s basically saying his words are more important than his. Not cool.
  8. He’s not as caring anymore. When he was chasing you, he was all about giving you tons of attention and care. Now it seems like he’s dropped the ball a bit. This can show up in various ways, like if he used to call you back immediately when you left a missed call on his phone but now he takes hours to get in touch, or if he used to take you out on quality dates but now it’s all about drive-throughs and Saturday nights in.
  9. He walks out in the middle of an argument. This is so disrespectful. It’s like he just wants the last word and doesn’t care about what you have to say or about sorting out the issues in the relationship. If you’re a priority, he’ll want to be sure you guys are okay and you can move on from whatever issue cropped up.
  10. You’re sometimes not the first to know. When something happens in his life, he might tell you about it. But other times, you end up having to see it on your Facebook newsfeed or hear about it through his friends. What the hell? You’re supposed to be a team, but when he leaves you in the dark like that it’s clear that he’s not thinking in those terms.
  11. Sex is your main relationship activity. If it feels like he always makes time for you when he wants sex, but not for real quality time, that’s sure to make you feel like you don’t matter beyond your physical body. That sucks. You deserve to be with someone who wants to date all of you, and who will value you for who you are.
  12. He’s the decision-maker in the relationship. He will book a special mini-vacation and not even check with you if you’re available that weekend or want to go. Similarly, he’ll decide that you’re spending Christmas with his folks this year. It’s all about what he wants. Why doesn’t he just date himself, then?


Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.