12 Things To Consider Before You Move To Be With Someone

Love has a way of being all-consuming. When you’re with someone you think could be the One, you want to do whatever it takes to make the relationship work. But what if they moved across the country? Or out of the country? Your options would be break up, try a long distance relationship, or go with them. But uprooting your entire life and following a guy anywhere is a huge decision and one that shouldn’t be taken lightly. If you’re too impulsive and end up regretting your decision, breaking up could be a lot more complicated than it would have been before. But if you think through your options and make an informed decision, you two will be a lot more likely to make it work.

  1. Do you see yourself with him for the long haul? If you see him as more of a Mr. Right Now, then following him anywhere is probably going to be a huge mistake. Sure, it could turn into more, but unless you’re sure you want that, starting with long distance would probably be the better choice.
  2. What would your job prospects be like? You’ve probably just started to establish yourself in your industry of choice, and moving away could erase all the hard work you’ve done. Do some research and find out if you have any viable contacts in the city he’s headed to. You don’t want to just follow him blindly and find out when it’s too late that there are absolutely no jobs in your field anywhere in the area after you arrive.
  3. Do you know anyone else in the city? Moving to a new place usually means your social life is going to take a hit. It takes time to build up friendships like the ones you probably already have where you are now. Even knowing just one person could help you get out there and meet new people when you’re sick of spending all your free time with your significant other.
  4. How would you really feel about being away from your family? If you’re really close with your mom, do you think you’d be okay with not being able to see her whenever you want? There’s always email, and Skype, and social media of course, but it’s not the same as seeing her in person.
  5. Have you already lived together? If your relationship is already strong enough that you live together in relative harmony, then you’re more likely to be okay if you move to another city together. But if you’re going to take the plunge into cohabitation and moving to a brand new city together all at once, expect a bumpy road.
  6. Would he be willing to support you while you looked for a job? He’s moving because he already has a job offer, but you’re going to have to start the job hunt when you get there. Finding the right job takes time, and even if you start before you go, it might be a couple months before you get settled. Can he handle the bills while you get on your feet? And is he okay with doing that?
  7. Does he understand how much you’d be giving up? You might be giving up a job you like, your friends, family, and basically your entire life as you know it, all for him. That’s serious business, and he should know what you’re expecting out of the relationship if you agree to do it. At the same time, it’s your choice, so you can’t turn around later and blame him for everything if it doesn’t end up being exactly what you expected. Good communication and being supportive of each other should help keep any sneaky resentment at bay.
  8. Does he even want you to come? Before you start planning your new life together, you might want to make sure he actually wants you to move with him. Maybe he was expecting you to dump him on the spot when he told you he was leaving. Nothing is guaranteed, so find out where he stands before you make any decisions.
  9. Will there be a language barrier or culture shock to deal with? If you’re moving to another country, that’s a lot different from another city. If you can’t speak the language, everything will be harder, including finding a job and making new friends. Is that something you’re ready to deal with?
  10. Will he be too busy with work to even spend time with you? If he’s moving for a job, chances are he’s going to be pretty busy for the first little while. Since he’ll be one of the only people in the city you know, it might be a little lonely at first. Consider letting him move first and get settled, and meeting him there after you’ve visited a couple times and gotten comfortable with the idea. There’s no rush.
  11. Is there any reason to move if you take him out of the equation? Would you consider moving to that particular city if he didn’t exist? Most big cities have lots to offer and if you did end of breaking up, you’d still be okay to live there on your own. But if it’s a middle of nowhere town and he’s the only reason you’d ever step foot there, maybe it’s not such a good idea.
  12. How solid is your relationship overall? Moving is stressful for any couple. Can your relationship stand the extra pressure of being the reason you decided to uproot your life and move? If you’re already on shaky ground, chances are moving isn’t going to change things for the better.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to Bolde.com, contributes regularly to AmongMen.ca, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.