If You Do These 12 Things, You’re Just As Bad As The Guys You Complain About

When you’re a woman who’s perpetually single AF, it’s super easy to blame guys for your bad luck in love. Unfortunately, sometimes you totally contribute to the madness without even realizing it. The truth is that you could be just as much to blame for your constant dating disappointments, and if you do these 12 things in dating, you have no right to complain about guys:

  1. Judge him within five minutes of meeting him. Sure, sometimes it’s super obvious that you’re not going to see someone again. You know pretty much right away that you’re not attracted to them, or you just don’t get their personality or sense of humor. But judging a guy too quickly is a bad idea because you don’t even know him. You have to give yourself some time to learn about who he is and decide later. That’s what a first date is for. You’d hate if he wrote you off too quickly, so don’t do it to him.
  2. Act like you’re too busy. Of course you have a packed schedule — everyone does. If you’re always telling guys that you’re fitting them into your busy work week or that you’re never free, you can’t complain when guys tell you the same thing. It’s just an excuse. You don’t have to play games like this and you definitely shouldn’t be if you’re looking for something real.
  3. Hog the conversation. You hate when guys are so arrogant that they think the world revolves around them and that the entire conversation does too, so don’t do the same to him. It’s good to open up a bit and allow him to get to know you, but you also need to make it a conversation, not a monologue. Give him time and space to get a word in.
  4. Think every guy is the same. It’s tough to have faith when you’ve been burned way too many times, and yet thinking that every guy is a jerk just because you’ve met some in the past is the worst idea. You can’t complain that the guys you meet expect you to be a stereotype if you’re thinking the same.
  5. Take too long to text back. You don’t want to seem desperate or like you have no life of your own, so you take forever to text a new guy back. The problem with this? You’re playing games and being ridiculous. Text when you want to. It’s so much easier.
  6. Expect to be disappointed. Of course you’ve had your heart broken. You’ve had almost boyfriends and crappy dates. It’s enough to make anyone jaded, but don’t let it happen to you. Expecting to be disappointed by every new person you meet is such a cynical way to live, and if you’re dating this way, you can’t be upset when guys don’t seem to believe in love anymore.
  7. Don’t offer to pay. It’s totally fine if you think that a guy should be old-school and pay on the first date. Everyone is different on this one, but if you don’t offer to pay your share, then you can’t whine that he didn’t offer to pay either and you ended up splitting the check.
  8. Put up walls. Yeah, you’ve been hurt and you don’t want to trust someone too soon, but if you’re not taking risks in love and opening yourself up, it’s hard for you to complain that the guys you’re meeting aren’t emotionally vulnerable, either. Obviously trust has to be earned and you don’t want to give too much too soon, but you have to be open to love if you want to find it.
  9. Get distracted on dates. First dates are no picnic. You’re trying to figure this new person out while not getting too attached and on the flip side, not getting too depressed about yet another bad date. But if you’re getting so distracted by all this chatter in your head that you can’t focus on the guy sitting across from you, you can’t whine that the guys you meet barely talk on dates. You just can’t.
  10. Become a dating machine. If you go on first dates like clockwork and always have the same conversations over and over again at the same bars, you’re not putting your best foot forward. You’re probably being a bit boring too. If you’re not putting any effort in, then it’s no wonder that these guys aren’t, either.
  11. Stick to your rules. Sure, there’s something to be said for the guy texting after a good date and saying he wants to see you again, but if you really felt a connection, there’s nothing wrong with contacting him. Maybe he’s shy or wasn’t sure if he could read your interest. If you never take that risk, you can’t wonder why he’s not either.
  12. Be borderline rude. Just because you might never see this person again doesn’t mean you can be super rude to them. If he’s a decent enough guy, just not the one for you, you can’t just walk out without saying anything or ignore his post-date text if there is one. Be polite, stay classy, and that whole karma thing will totally work in your favor.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.