Singlehood is both a blessing and a curse. It’s great living life on your own terms, but it can start to feel pretty stale after a while when loneliness and insecurity take over. I found myself feeling pretty cynical and bitter about being single, especially when faced with the constant reminders of romantic love and relationships that seemed to be at every corner. If you find yourself feeling the same, here are some practices to help find peace when you’re feeling this way. They worked for me!
Buy yourself some flowers.
One of the most cliche romantic gestures out there is buying flowers for your significant other. Why wait for someone else to brighten your day and your space with a bouquet? I try to get myself this gift about once a month. Treat yourself!
Take some solo sassy pics.
Get yourself dolled up as if you’re getting ready for a professional boudoir photoshoot and take some nudes! You could wear your favorite lingerie, some silky clothing, or nothing at all. Take some pictures that make you feel beautiful and sexual without the goal of appeasing anyone. Intend on keeping these pictures only for you and allow yourself to feel sexy without validation from someone else.
Some romantic self-lovin’.
Really set the scene for this one. Light some candles, play some music, scatter some rose petals, cover yourself in oil, whatever gets you in the mood. No one’s better at exploring and pleasuring your body than your own damn self, not to mention the myriad vibrators out there with the ability to do things that no man or woman could hold a candle to.
Reach out to single friends.
Something that can so agonizingly remind us of our own singlehood is spending time around couples. Even friends who are around us without their S.O. tend to talk about their relationship or partner, sometimes incessantly. Make sure you’re spending enough time around your mutually single friends, who, I’m sure, will have far more interesting topics of conversation to offer than the fact that Chad didn’t put away the dishes last night.
Reach out to male friends.
Sometimes we just need a little testosterone in our lives. I find platonic male relationships to be just as gratifying than romantic ones, if not more. Reaching out to male friends can both get us our fix of male companionship and offer us some alternative conversation to numb out the boy/partner talk we receive from our feminine friends.
Do something impulsive that you couldn’t do if you were tied down.
I’m not suggesting anything too crazy or dangerous here, but one of my favorite parts of being single is remembering that I can do whatever the hell I want without having to answer to anyone. Stay out a little later than usual. Ride on the back of that-guy-you-know’s motorcycle. See that band that your ex didn’t like but you did. Think of the things that came up when you were taken that you wanted to do “if only you were single.” Do them.
Work on self-improvement.
There’s no better time to be self-reflective and introspective than when you’re single. It’s hard to take the time to focus on ourselves when we’re in a relationship. Think of how you can be the best version of yourself for yourself. Journal, meditate, create some space for you. Get to know who you are as a whole human being and not as someone’s other half.
Establish routines that you love.
Relationships are time-consuming! We often tend to mold our routine to coincide with that of our partner. Remember that when you’re single, there’s usually no need to work around others. What time do you like to go to bed and wake up in the morning? How long do you like to take to get ready? What quirky self-care practices make you feel good? Build some routines based on no time constraints but your own.
Play with your appearance.
Another known cliche is that women will change their hair after getting out of a relationship. You know why this is? Because changing the way we look feels refreshing! Cut your hair, update your wardrobe, change the way you do your makeup. Want to wear that bold lipstick color you’ve been hesitant about? Try it! No one’s there to tell you that they don’t like that color on you. Trust me, it suits you.
Keep yourself busy.
Take a class, learn something you’ve always wanted to, sign up for seminars, give back/volunteer, pick up some extra hours or start a side hustle and make that money. Boredom breeds loneliness. Avoid it – there’s plenty out there to do on your own.
Focus on what you have, not what you don’t.
Create a gratitude list for all that you’re thankful for. Give yourself credit for all that you’ve done and continue to do for yourself. Remember to value your non-romantic relationships.
Recognize your soulmates.
Don’t limit this to romantic relationships. The idea that our “soulmate” is one person that we’re meant to be with for the rest of our lives is kind of a weird ideology. Soulmates can be found in our best friends, our pets, even the girl you met at a bar once who had all of the same opinions as you and said that she loved your outfit. Soulmates touch our lives sometimes briefly and sometimes for decades. Soulmates can be anybody who was meant to run into us at one point or another. They can be found in the mundane, and we don’t need to drive ourselves up a wall looking for “The One.”
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