12 Thoughts Women Have When Men Accuse Us Of Having PMS

There’s nothing worse than a guy – be it your boyfriend, brother, or just some random – accusing you of having PMS every time you so much as dare to open your mouth an express an opinion. Whether or not you’re actually due to get your period, many guys seem to forget that women are human beings with real thoughts and feelings that are valid and have nothing to do with hormones (most of the time).

I guarantee at least a few of these responses have crossed your mind when a guy starts playing the PMS card and suggests that you just “take a pill”, whatever that even means. Don’t hold back next time. Let him have it.

  1. How about you bleed for a week? Do you even begin to understand what my body goes through? Maybe if you had to deal with PMS, followed by bleeding for a week, you’d be a little moody sometimes too. You know what would make me happy right now – watching you have a period.
  2. There’s no pill to deal with someone like you. How much of an arrogant, ignorant ass do you have to be to say take a pill when your girlfriend/wife/friend just happens to have an opinion or emotion? I’d love to have a pill that makes me oblivious to the stupid, but for now, just be quiet and don’t annoy me with your voice again.
  3. Take your pill and shove it. Why don’t you take this magic pill that you think will make me perfect and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine? Honestly, at this point, you could choke on it for I care. As I said, women think violent thoughts when this forbidden phrase is uttered.
  4. You haven’t seen me moody yet. You thought I was moody before? Saying this turns me into the female Hulk. You’re in store for complete and utter hell. I hope you enjoy. When I get done, you’ll know what moody really means. Bet you wish there was a pill for that, don’t you?
  5. I’m not the bitchy one here. Honestly, why is we get blamed for calling out a guy on his BS? I was minding my own business when you dragged me into this discussion. Hmmm…who really needs to take the pill here? I’m sure I have something here for you to take.
  6. It must be nice to be so ignorant. I really hope ignorance is what causes men to say take a pill. Apparently, ignorance is bliss and all that. It must be true. Guys seem oh so happy when they say mention taking a pill. I really wish I could be ignorant for that second so I wouldn’t realize what a major d-bag you are.
  7. Go screw yourself. Yeah, I know it’s not going to come out all that nice either. Then again, he might just enjoy that. Either way, he leaves you alone. All I really want at this moment is who out of the way. It’s for your own safety really.
  8. Guess who’s not getting laid tonight or possibly ever? I don’t care how great you are in bed. You just said the magic words that completely turn me off. It’s not happening. With all those mood swings, I lost my pills. I guess I’m just too moody for sex. Oh well. Have fun spending some quality alone time on the couch.
  9. I’d feel better with a bat. I don’t a need a pill. It doesn’t take care of the real problem – you. Give me a baseball bat. Watching you running away as I laugh manically with a bat in hand somehow makes me feel all better. Go ahead, be a nice guy and get me a bat.
  10. What the hell is wrong with you? The shock is sometimes just too much and this is all you can say. I think it says it all. It’s the question we all want answered. What is wrong with you that you’d say something so stupid? When you’re being moody or disagree with something we say, you don’t hear us saying “why is your pride and joy so tiny?” How about a little respect? It’s not always PMS and even when it is, well, that’s just part of being with a real woman.
  11. I’m counting to 10 and you’d better be gone when I get there. So many ways to make you pay, so little time. I’m giving you a chance to let me cool down. Don’t be any more ignorant. Haul ass and get out of my way before I reach 10. I can’t predict what might happen if you stick around.
  12. Let me explain what I go through. Help your guy better understand you. Take him step by step through all you go through. Don’t stop at all the painful and gory details of PMS and your period. Let him know what he’s doing to make it even worse. Explain what it’s like to be a woman. I’ve found it works great and he’ll just love sitting down and listening to you talk for hours. Grab that bat to have on hand and he won’t tune out either.
Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.