Though not for everyone, sexting can be an incredibly fun and satisfying part of a healthy relationship. If you’re feeling like you want to give it a try but are unsure how to get started, here are some tips for sending the perfect raunchy story over text.
- Make sure you’re in the mood. The whole point of dirty texts is that both the sender and receiver enjoy themselves during the show. Drafting something when you’re bored at work because you feel like you have to or else you’re disappointing someone isn’t going to come through as exciting or interesting to whoever is on the other end. Plus, the more into it you are while writing it, the more he’s going to get out of it reading it.
- Send something you would want to read. While it’s good to appeal to your partner, you should ultimately describe sexy situations that you would get super excited about reading yourself. It takes two to tango, and that’s the case over text as much as it is in the bedroom. You’re trying to make him squirm in his chair and wish you were there, so use words and images that would turn you on if the roles were reversed.
- Be confident. Just like guys like confidence in the bedroom, coming across strong and steady over sext is just as hot to them. Even if you’ve never truly taken control when it comes to fooling around, describing yourself with naughty confidence over text is a surefire way to make him look forward to the real thing. It may also give you the boost you need to try it next time you’re actually in his bed.
- Be as graphic as you feel comfortable being. It can feel totally weird at first to use words and descriptors that make you feel like you’re back in health class, but sometimes they’re necessary to get the right points across. Don’t say anything you’re super uncomfortable with, but it’s okay to step out of your comfort zone and see how it feels.
- Think about what response you’re looking for. There are multiple reasons to send dirty text messages. Maybe you’re seeing your guy later that night and just trying to get him excited. Maybe you’re long distance and it’s all you have since you can’t actually hook up. Maybe you’re just trying to embarrass him by sending it while he’s at work to see how he reacts. Think about what you want from it so you won’t be disappointed if you don’t get the reaction you’re hoping for.
- Details are your friend. It may seem ironic to say guys are detail-oriented since they forget half the stuff you tell them, but when it comes to sexting, the more you explain, the better. They want to read details about every angle, every moan, every touch… you get the picture. There’s no such thing as a sext that’s too long or too involved, so let your freak flag fly in the details.
- Make your call on pictures. Some people like to include dirty pictures with their texts but that depends on the person. If you’re comfortable sending them (and trust that you’re dating the kind of guy who won’t share them with his friends), go for it. You might want to make sure he’s alone first, though (and that your face isn’t visible in the photos)…
- Sleep on it if you’re unsure. Sometimes after you draft a kinky message, especially if it’s your first time, you can go back and forth about whether or not to hit send. It’s okay to take a step back and rethink it in the morning, just remember that you’ll want to wait until the next time you’re back in the mood before you go for it.
- Save it somewhere (safe) for your own fun. Who said sexts are just for the receiver? Reading your own story can be just as amazing for you the next time you’re lonely, horny or both, so make sure you keep a record for yourself. Just be careful where you save it in case you have snoopy friends.
- Don’t overthink it. It’s easy to second guess everything when you’re not used to being so open over text, but if you over analyze it’s going to come out forced, which won’t do the trick for anyone. The best kinds of sexts are flirty, fun and spontaneous, so make sure you do your best to go with the flow.
- Never let a friend read it unless you trust them 100 percent. It’s one thing to tell your girlfriends the intimate details of your relationship and sex life but another thing entirely to show them what you are sending your bae. If you need help or want input, that’s fine, but make sure they won’t betray you.
- Let him know what you expect in terms of privacy. To us girls keeping these kinds of things private might be a no-brainer, but to guys, it’s not as straightforward. If you don’t want him showing all his dudes the next time they grab beers, tell him! You don’t want to be the girl who feels super awkward next time you hang with his friends.
