The dating pool looks more like a septic tank these days and for every douchebag you meet, there’s another dozen just around the corner. They’re literally a dime a dozen, and they come in all different forms — none of which are not worth your time. Have you dated any of these common douchebag specimens?
The Frat Boy Douche.
He reeks of Axe, guzzles Natty Ice with his friends, and regularly recants the glory days of his college fraternity. He’ll tell you about how his frat “always got the hottest chicks,” and how his frat boys are still his best, closest friends. He might even tell you about his dad who owns a big company, and how one day, he’ll inherit it. In all reality, frat boys have no respect for women, regularly cheat, and just have terrible characters. Best to move on from this overgrown man-child.
The Wannabe Rapper/EDM Artist.
He’s always talking about how he’s going to drop a record and make a million dollars. He blows his paycheck from working at the dollar store at the club, and everyone there knows who he is. He constantly brags about dating other women, and writes crappy songs to you about how “you’re his everything.” Um, why are you speaking to him again?
Mr. “No Fat Chicks.”
There’s a difference between having preferences and being a shallow jerk who has to comment on a girl’s looks. If he makes comments on your body, feel free to let loose on him. He needs to be taken down a notch — or several.
The Douche Who Makes You His Last Priority.
Don’t be someone’s option. Ever.
The Old, Saggy Douche.
This is a man who is in his mid 40s or older, and is still dating women in his 20s. Rather than trying to talk to women his own age, he insists on dating younger because it boosts his ego, keeps him in control, and makes him feel like he’s “the man.” He also might be married, or looking for a sugar daddy relationship. Do yourself a favor, and let him go.
The Clubkid Douche.
Much like the Wannabe Rapper, the Clubkid Douche is infamous at his local club. In fact, he might be a club promoter! Unlike the Wannabe Rapper, the Clubkid Douche tends to be older, and may not even have the talent required to write a song or anything else, really. Aside from potentially having more diseases than a petri dish, the Clubkid Douche also boasts a need to be a player despite being cripplingly lonely deep down inside. Once you turn 25, you have absolutely no excuse to hang out with someone this pathetic.
The Geek Douche.
This is a form of douchebag that women often don’t see coming, primarily because of the whole trope of geeks being sweet guys. The problem with the Geek Douche is that they often are bitter and hateful towards women because of a bad past history with them…which in turn makes them douchebags.
The Misogynist Douche.
These douches are always ready to “mansplain” something to girls, and are always ready to discuss why men always are better than women. Clearly, these guys hate women, no matter what you try to do to make them see the light. Do them a favor and let them hook up with someone they would treat as an equal, such as a fellow member of the “He-Man Woman-Haters Club.”
No. Just no. Players do not deserve the time of day. It doesn’t matter how charming, wealthy, or jacked they may be. It’s just totally not worth it.
The Wall Street Douche.
This is the kind of douche who uses anyone and anything within reach for his own financial gain, cheats on good women, and expects money to buy love. You’re priceless. Don’t fall for his crap unless you want to have a miserable life with a douche.
The Basic Player.
Well, player is as a player does. Players do douchey things, and are therefore douches.
The “Tortured” Douche.
Life is just so, so hard for this douchebag! It’s so hard that he has to take it out on everyone else It’s so hard, he has to have insane double standards on how he’s supposed to be treated by others. It’s. Just. So. Hard! You have better things to do than to attend the pity party.
The Deadbeat Douche.
If he abandons the mother of his child, refuses to contact his own kid, and won’t even bother trying to be there financially, he’s a douche. Unless you want to find yourself in a similar situation, don’t date him.
The Faux-Wholesome Douche.
He attends church regularly. He’s always happy. Your mom would be thrilled at the sight of him with you. However, underneath all that good, wholesome appeal is a guy who’s slimy as hell. If you find yourself worrying that people wouldn’t believe how badly he treats you or others behind closed doors, run. It will only get worse.
The Loser Douche.
He doesn’t have a job, a car, any goals, or any accomplishments, but he expects you to have all of that and more. He’s a loser and a douchebag, end of story.
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