Seeing someone new can be exciting and nerve-wracking, but unfortunately not every new guy I date will turn into a future boyfriend (and in fact, most don’t get anywhere close). I tend to get way too excited for these potential new relationships and end up jinxing things before they even really get started. Here’s how:
- I Tell Everyone Who’ll Listen About Him. Okay, maybe not everyone, but most of my close friends and family know the minute I start seeing someone new. I know I shouldn’t run my mouth about it, but I’m usually excited and just want to talk about the giddiness building in my stomach! Suddenly a bunch of people are checking in on me date after date and trying to help me dissect every conversation. Then, when it doesn’t work out for one reason or another, I have to play it cool and pretend I knew it wasn’t going to go much further anyway. It’s a vicious cycle.
- I Play The Game Of “What If” constantly.“What if” is a dangerous game. What if we don’t have enough in common? What if I like him but he doesn’t like me? What if our dating means more to me than it does to him? There are hundreds of them! Suddenly it becomes a worrying game and it takes all the fun out of dating.
- I Psych Myself Out. I’m confident in myself, but I’m not always confident in deciphering someone else’s intentions. If a guy doesn’t come out directly and say, “I like you” or “Let’s go out again,” I decide that he must not have been as interested as I originally thought and I move on or try to detach my feelings because I don’t want to play any games.
- I get disheartened by relationship games. I can’t play relationship games. If you like me, say so. If I like you, I’ll say so. I’m not going to wait three days to call after a date or say, “Let’s do this again sometime,” hoping that my true intentions come across. We’re all adults here. Grow up.
- Fantasy might be better than reality. Sometimes I come up with scenarios in my head for me and my new guy. They’re pretty great — suddenly he’s a romantic guy who’s totally looking to sweep me off my feet. So the next time we go on a date and he doesn’t act like the gentleman in my head, it really can mess with me. My mind is my own worst enemy!
- I stalk him on social media and feel like I know him when I don’t. I need to learn to stay away from social media after meeting a new guy. I look at his profile, find out his interests and suddenly I know more about this poor guy than I do some of my own extended family! It doesn’t really give a fair representation of him, either. If someone dated me solely based on my social media profiles, they would know that I love to travel (true) and hang out with my friends (also true), but they wouldn’t be able to see the ins and outs of my strange, quirky personality. It makes things so superficial and I’m hoping for a deeper connection rather than something that just brushes the surface.
- I clear the bench the minute a guy seems promising. New guy with serious potential? I walk away from other potential guys that are also boyfriend material. Suddenly I’m waiting for a monogamous relationship with a guy I’ve only known for a little bit and I’ve ruled out other potentially amazing partners. Talk about jumping the gun.
- I convince myself he can’t be real. On the other hand, there are times where a great guy seems too great. He can’t possibly find me as cute, funny and interesting as I find him. I start thinking I’ve made this all up in my head and that he must have some fatal flaw I’m just not picking up on yet.
- I always find a dealbreaker, no matter what. There are some things I won’t budge on when I’m dating someone new. For example, I won’t date a liar, cheater or smoker. My list isn’t long or written in stone but sometimes on a first or second date, I pick up on a quality that rules him out immediately. This is perfectly fair in some instances (i.e. liar, cheater) but if he just happens to be nervous and ends up drinking way too much, that really shouldn’t be a red flag quite yet.
- I overanalyze things to an embarrassing degree. I’ve been working on this one a lot, but it still happens on occasion. I’ll look at a text a guy has sent me and try to figure out what he meant by sending two exclamation points followed by a specific emoji. I don’t do this when texting anyone else, so why do I do this for people I’m interested in? It’s annoying and I need to keep working on this one. The plus side is that I know for a fact I’m not alone in doing this, so we can work on it together.
