12 Ways We Self-Sabotage Our Dating Lives

Dating is rough, and at times, it may even feel like everything and everyone makes it harder for a girl to find Mr. Right. Sadly, there are times where our singledom may be due to our natural tendencies to self-sabotage in the worst possible ways. It’s OK – we all do it at times. Here are some of the most common ways we’e screwing ourselves over while out in the dating scene.

  1. We get desperate. Trust me, I’ve been there. I know how, at times, anything seems better than being single. The problem is that there are very few things as unattractive as desperation, and guys pick up on it pretty quickly. To make matters worse, we tend to feed into our own desperation, so it ends up turning into a vicious cycle.
  2. We tend to think negatively. Almost everyone has moments where they don’t feel good about themselves. The problem is that those negative thoughts will end up affecting our ability to function on a date. If you’re dealing with negative thinking, do yourself a favor and quash those thoughts before you pick up the phone.
  3. We get too strung up on the wrong guys. Some guys simply don’t deserve a second glance, but they often end up getting a lot more of our time, money, and effort than they deserve. If a guy is treating you like crap, it’s best to break up or stop calling him — even if he’s hotter than Ryan Gosling.
  4. We expect a Prince Charming to swoop in and fix us. We can blame it on watching one too many Disney movies, but the fact is that we should know better than to rely on a man for anything. Nobody can fix your life for you but YOU, and expecting a guy to do that is just insanity.
  5. We make ourselves too available. Even if you aren’t desperate, most guys will assume that this is a sign of desperation. Go figure.
  6. We’re way too nice at times. Sadly, as much as guys claim that they want to have a “nice girl they can bring home to Mom,” they don’t respect a girl who’s a doormat. If you want to get the guy, you can’t let bad behavior slide. (In fact, if he’s already behaving badly, you might just want to get another guy.)
  7. At times, we don’t advertise that we’re single. You can’t expect to be successful in the realm of love if you don’t actually try to meet any guys. Sign up for a dating site, or at least tell people if you’re single.
  8. Occasionally, we also ignore red flags. If there’s one quick way to self-sabotage your chance at happiness, it’s ignoring the glaring red flags you notice in a date in hopes that it’s not actually as bad as it seems. If you see something seriously bad, by all means, run. Do not give him a chance to get worse!
  9. Sometimes we don’t realize guys have crushes on us, or we get too frozen with fear to approach them. Approaching guys can be terrifying, and it’s by no means the typical behavior expected of us. It’s still better to know for sure than to wonder what could have been. That being said, even the boldest of us have frozen with fear due to a big crush once in a while.
  10. We make the mistake of lowering our standards. If you lower your standards, you’re not going to get what you want out of a relationship. Trust me on this one.
  11. We don’t tell guys what we want. Men are not mind readers, unless they work for one of those funky phone psychic hotlines. They don’t know what we want, or what could be done to make us happy unless we tell them. Do yourself a favor and communicate your wants and needs.
  12. Some of us have our guards up way too much. You need to be able to let a person in before you experience love with them. Love can be one of the most beautiful emotions you’ll ever feel, but if you’re hellbent on keeping a wall up around you, you’ll never be truly at ease in a relationship.
  13. Featured image via WeHeartIt
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a New Jersey based writer and editor with bylines in Mashed, Newsbreak, Good Men Project, YourTango, and many more. She’s also the author of a safe travel guide for LGBTQIA+ people available on Amazon.

She regularly writes on her popular Medium page and posts on TikTok and Instagram @ossianamakescontent.