The 13 “Almost Boyfriends” Every Girl Has At Some Point In Her Life

They might have never gotten the privilege of being “official,” but many almost-boyfriends can have just as big of an impact on your life as a real boyfriend. Whether these guys were a summer fling, something slightly more than a friend with benefits, or someone who came THIS CLOSE to losing his “almost” status, every woman is bound to have an experience with at least a few of these men:

  1. The Dodged Bullet He seemed like a great idea at the time, but the moment you two ended things, you heard a “whoosh” next to your ear. Next thing you know, you’re hearing stories about him getting five women pregnant, getting into bar fights, and ending up in jail for his secret meth lab. You’re not sure where all that craziness came from, but you’re just glad you managed not to get caught up in it.
  2. The Ghost One day everything was fine, and then you never heard from him again. That mofo just ghosted you, disappearing without a trace. You might have thought he was dead if you didn’t see him still periodically changing his profile picture. He’s still alive all right, just not to you.
  3. The Learning Experience Let’s be real here: this almost-relationship was a trainwreck. You didn’t get along, the sex was only meh, and to be honest, you only went along with it because you had nothing better to do. It was a dumb decision, and the only way you can really justify it to yourself and anyone else is by claiming that it ~taught you something about yourself.~ Nobody needs to know that the “something” was that you’re still not above making bad decisions.
  4. The Cool Story You met him while zip lining in Nicaragua, then happened to be sitting right next to him on the flight back home. From there it was a whirlwind romance that lasted for about three weeks before it unceremoniously fizzled out. It never would have lasted, and you certainly don’t pine over him, but he’ll always have a special place in your heart thanks to the what-are-the-chances story that’s connected to him.
  5. The Robot Being as you two literally only communicated via text and social media, you’re not a hundred percent sure if he’s a real person or if he was just a (really sexy) machine. You guys definitely got along well, but eventually, the appeal of strictly online communication lost its luster, and you both realized that you’d rather be romantic with someone you could actually hang out with in person.
  6. The Bodymate You were absolutely NOT soulmates, but your bodies were destined to be together. The sex was awesome, and you both wanted to badly to make the emotional chemistry work, but alas, it wasn’t meant to be. Still, even after you went your separate ways, you’ve wondered if anyone could possibly measure up to this guy in bed… and you have your doubts that it will ever happen.
  7. The Unicorn This dude made Chris Evans look like a goblin. He was smart, hilarious, successful, and saved kittens in his spare time (but would never brag about it). You’ve never been the type to settle, but even you could admit that this guy was way out of your league. He was one of a kind, and even though you knew you’d never be able to keep a man like that forever, you carry a sense of pride knowing that at least for a while, he was within your reach.
  8. The 0.9 This guy was so close to being The One, but he wasn’t quite there. Maybe the timing wasn’t right, or he just had that ONE quirk you couldn’t get over. It’s somewhat frustrating to look back on what might have been with him because you’ll constantly question things: What if you had just tried a little harder? What if you’d waited things out? What if you tried to make it work again today? But in the end, the simple fact is that things between you two were meant to be temporary, and cutting things off before they got to be too serious probably saved you both a lot of heartache down the road.
  9. The Clinger Long after things ended between you two, this dude is still “liking” all your social media posts, and you probably have about fifty “hey what’s up”s from him in your inbox that have gone unanswered. Even though you two were never official, and even though you were very clear that you wanted to cut things off with him, he still seems to be holding on to hope that you’ll change your mind and ride off into the sunset with him.
  10. The BFF Your romance wasn’t written in the stars, but you don’t even care because it turned out that this guy was destined to be one of your best friends. You couldn’t figure out why things never seemed to fit together romantically between you two— after all, you got along SO well— but now, you’re so glad you decided to be “just friends.”
  11. The Lingerer You swear it’s been months since you even saw this guy, but you’re STILL finding memories of him at your place. You’d think he would have messaged you about a missing shoe, but there it is, chilling under your bed as it likely has been since last December. Then there’s the fact that that smelly cologne he always wore still hasn’t worked its way out of your pillowcase, even though you must’ve washed the thing a hundred times since you two decided to end things. At this point, finding this stuff isn’t even sentimental — it’s just annoying.
  12. The Wall He may have never been your actual boyfriend, but you still doubt you’ll ever get over him. He might have been bad news or he might have been your dream come true, but for whatever reason, he still has way more of your heart than he should. You’re not the type to go begging for him to take you back, but if he were the one to ask, you’d agree before the words completely left his mouth.
  13. The Zit Because the universe enjoys messing with you, this guy always pops up unexpectedly and at the least convenient time. You might go months without even thinking about him, but the moment you step into that restaurant across town with your new boyfriend, BAM — there he is, sitting at the next table over. Another few months go by, you forget about his existence, and POW — you run into him at the supermarket on the one day you put zero effort into your appearance. You’re convinced that this guy is just karma for something terrible you did in a past life, and you might be right.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.