No matter how solid your relationship is, it still needs boundaries — when there are none, it becomes impossible to have a healthy relationship. While every couple needs to define their own limitations, there are some that should apply across the board.
You respect one another’s privacy.
Generally speaking, a good relationship doesn’t involve snooping on other people’s Facebook conversations or text chats, reading their emails, etc. If you find it hard not to, there’s a serious problem.
You don’t tolerate other people interfering with your relationship.
If someone is posing a threat to your relationship or actively trying to come between you, they’re crossing a boundary. If that’s happening, both you and your significant other have to put a stop to that immediately.
You maintain your independence.
The “urge to merge” is a serious danger to a relationship, primarily because it promotes codependency. You should never be 100 percent dependent on a lover, because that will make it nearly impossible to leave if things go south (and it’s just not healthy even if they don’t).
Your finances are handled fairly and in a way that makes you both comfortable.
Some people will see a woman who wants to be a stay-at-home mom as a dealbreaker. Others won’t be happy to share a joint bank account. Before you get too involved, you need to have a frank conversation about boundaries here.
You don’t break each other’s boundaries.
Someone who tries to get you to break boundaries that you have generally doesn’t have your best interests at heart. In fact, boundary-pushing is often the first step to an abusive relationship, so if you notice this behavior, it’s best to run.
You treat each other with love, kindness, and respect at all times.
Basically, people who are in good relationships will realize that they’re crossing a line if they treat their partners with disrespect. When someone shouts at you, insults you, hurts you, or intentionally ignores you, they’re crossing a line that shouldn’t be crossed. A relationship that doesn’t have that boundary respected is an abusive one.
You understand that sex isn’t a given.
“No” means “no.” If they say they aren’t into what you’re doing, you need to stop. If you tell them to stop, they need to stop. Anything otherwise is rape.
You accept one another’s dealbreakers.
Dealbreakers are basically lines that you won’t allow someone courting you to cross. That’s a good thing! If you don’t have a list of dealbreakers, you’re setting your standards too low.
You won’t put up with your partner treating other people like crap, either.
If your lover treats you like gold, but treats your friends like dirt, they’re crossing a serious line. They’re disrespecting the people who were there before they even met you, and that’s not acceptable.
You can’t stay with someone who’s hell-bent on self-destruction.
No healthy relationship ever started with someone who sacrifices their well-being for the sake of everyone else around them.
Decisions are made jointly, not by one person strong-arming the other.
Giving all the power to one person is extremely dangerous. If you both don’t have an equal say, you’re in trouble.
You will always try to be understanding of and patient with your S.O.
As nice as they are, waiting for them to finally change or come around isn’t healthy. It’s not even likely to happen. Set this boundary for yourself, and know when to walk.
Honesty is a must.
Lying is never part of a healthy relationship, and if you’ve caught your lover lying to you, it’s not a good sign. They’ve crossed a line and broke your trust, and that’s one boundary that can never be uncrossed.
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