We all want to find someone who checks our boxes, but sometimes, our high standards can get in the way of finding real love. If you’ve been finding reasons to say “no” more than “yes,” you might be setting the bar a bit too high or focusing on the wrong things. Here are 13 signs that you might be too picky when it comes to dating—and how that could be holding you back from finding love.
1. Your List of Dealbreakers Is Longer Than Your Grocery List
It’s totally normal to have some non-negotiables in a partner, but if you’re rejecting people over tiny things like how they dress, what music they like, or their favorite pizza topping, it might be time to rethink your priorities. Small quirks shouldn’t be enough to rule someone out if they check the boxes that really matter—like kindness and compatibility.
2. You Expect Everything to Be Perfect From Day One
First dates can be awkward. Nobody is going to be their best self right away, and expecting someone to be perfect on date one (or even date three) will just fast-track your disappointment. If you’re cutting people off because they don’t fit your idea of “perfect” instantly, you’re most likely missing out on someone who could grow into a great match for you.
3. You’re Always on the Hunt for Red Flags
Being cautious is smart, but if you’re looking for reasons to disqualify someone before you give them a chance, it’s probably stopping you from finding love. Whether they texted back too slowly or didn’t get your joke—you might be pushing people away before they even have a chance to show who they really are.
4. You Focus Too Much on Looks
It’s totally okay to want to be attracted to your partner, but if you’re turning people down just because they don’t fit your ideal “type,” you could be passing up amazing connections. Attraction can grow as you get to know someone’s personality, and you might be surprised by how much you click with someone once you get beyond the surface.
5. Tiny Habits Turn You Off Quickly
Ever find yourself losing interest over something minor, like how someone chews, laughs, or the fact they don’t like the same shows as you? If these small things are enough to make you walk away, you’re probably focusing too much on things that won’t matter in the long run. Nobody’s perfect, not even you, and learning to accept quirks is part of finding a great partner.
6. You Want Someone to Check Every Box on Your “Ideal Partner” List
We all have a mental checklist of what we want in a partner—kind, funny, successful, good-looking, and more. But expecting someone to meet every single requirement borders on unrealistic. Real people have imperfections; sometimes, the best relationships are those that don’t check every box.
7. You’re Unwilling to Compromise
Relationships are all about compromise. If you’re unwilling to meet someone halfway or make small adjustments for the sake of the relationship, you’re too set in your ways. Flexibility is important, and being too rigid can make it hard for any relationship to blossom.
8. You’re Waiting for the “Perfect Timing” to Settle Down
If you’re always waiting for the stars to align perfectly—being at the right point in your career, living in the ideal place, or feeling 100% ready—you might be thwarting your chances at real love. Life isn’t always perfect, and there is no “right time.” Waiting for the perfect moment might mean missing out on something special right before you.
9. You Keep Comparing Everyone to Your “Perfect” Ex
If you’re still mentally comparing every potential partner to an ex, you’re likely idealizing a past relationship. That person wasn’t perfect either—remember why it didn’t work out? No one should have to compete with a romanticized version of someone you dated before. Mentally distance yourself from fantasizing about an ex, and give new people a fair chance to show you what they have to offer.
10. You’re Terrified of “Settling”
Nobody wants to settle, but there’s a big difference between settling and having realistic expectations. If you’re always worried about choosing someone who isn’t 100% perfect, you might be holding yourself back from truly special people who will make you happy. Remember, even great relationships come with flaws, and that’s perfectly normal.
11. You Overthink Every Single Date
Do you spend hours after each date analyzing everything in excruciating detail? If you dissect every word and gesture, you might be overthinking it. Dating should be fun, not a mental puzzle you have to solve. Don’t get stuck in your head—look at it as a fun experience, whether you see a future with that person or not.
12. You’re Keeping People at Arm’s Length Waiting for “The One”
If you’ve got a few people in your life who seem great, but you’re holding back because you’re waiting for a “perfect” soulmate to come along, you might be letting good opportunities pass you. Sometimes, “The One” isn’t a magical person who ticks every box, but someone who surprises you and grows into the right partner over time.
13. You’ve Been Single for a Long Time—And Not by Choice
If you’ve been single longer than you’d like to admit, and it’s not because you enjoy being solo, it might be time to rethink your dating habits. Being single because you’re too selective can be frustrating and lonely, but remember, it is your choice at the end of the day. Opening yourself up to new experiences and letting your guard down can bring unexpected love into your life.
