You’re all ready to go, but instead of waving his flag, he tells you he’s not in the mood. You freeze, completely stunned. How could this happen? Is it you, is it him? It’s even worse when he tells you he has a headache or is just too tired. You’ve probably used those as excuses to get out of sex once in a while. While he rolls over and goes to sleep, your mind is left racing trying to figure out why he doesn’t want sex.
- Is he cheating on me? If he’s not into you, he must be into someone else. It seems logical, but odds are, he’s not cheating. Watch for other types of odd behavior before you go crazy thinking he’s getting worn out with another woman.
- Does he like watching online sex better than me? Guys love to watch sex. The majority of guys prefer the real thing though. When he’s too tired to have sex with you, he’s too tired to watch sex too. If you catch him watching sex all the time and it’s killing your sex life, he might be addicted and you should see if he’ll get help.
- Is this the beginning of the end? At first, you have sex all the time. As you get busier, both you tend to place sleep higher on the priority list than sex. Don’t freak out if he’s not in the mood once in a while. It doesn’t mean the relationship is over.
- Does he think I’m unattractive? I haven’t met a woman yet who doesn’t immediately analyze her looks the moment her guy’s not feeling up to it. He still thinks you’re gorgeous. Stay confident. You’ll really turn him off if you start asking 20 questions about what he thinks about your looks.
- Is he pissed about something? No one really wants to have sex while they’re pissed at their partner. Usually, sex doesn’t happen until it’s makeup time. He may very well be angry about something. Does he seem mad? If so, ask what’s wrong. If not, don’t worry about it and get some sleep.
- Is he bored with sex? Couples who’ve been together for years often worry about their sex life. The moment he says he doesn’t want to, you start wondering if he’s bored. Odds are, he’s not bored. If you’re really worried, ask him. If nothing else, take this as a chance to try something new to spice things up.
- Should I rush him to the ER? He’s got to be sick right? He’s usually begging you for sex. How could he not be in the mood? It does happen sometimes ladies. Believe it or not, many women have higher sex drives than men. Give him a night off. He’ll be ready to please the next day.
- Maybe I should’ve shaved my legs after all. Sometimes we don’t have time to look perfect. You don’t worry too much until he turns down sex. Then you start thinking about if you should’ve taken those extra five minutes to shave your legs or put on something sexier than sweats and an old tee. Trust me, he doesn’t care. A little stubble isn’t going to slow him down.
- Am I not good enough in bed? If he’s been totally into it for a while and he’s suddenly not in the mood, it’s probably not your bedroom skills. Besides, if he isn’t enjoying it, maybe he should’ve said something. You can always ask him if he’d like to do something different or if truly enjoys sex with you. Take his answer at face value and be happy.
- Should I try to get him in the mood? I know we all have that little trigger that says “we can fix this.” His “no” doesn’t mean you need to fix him. The more you push the issue, the less enthusiastic he’ll be about it. Do you really want to pressure him into sex? You don’t like it when tries to get you in the mood when you don’t feel like it. Try a few passionate kisses and an ear nibble. If he’s still not into it, let it go.
- He’s got to be faking, right? Guys are always in the mood. Or so the rumor goes. Guys aren’t sex machines. Sometimes the same daily stress gets to them too. They also get headaches or would rather just cuddle tonight. Take it as a sign he’s human and not some insatiable beast.
- Do I want it too often? It’s possible you’ve worn him out if you’ve been having sex often. Like I said before, women can and do have higher sex drives sometimes. There’s nothing wrong if you want it often. Just make sure you give him some recovery time now and then.
- What’s going on in his life? After you’ve exhausted some of the crazier thoughts, you might get down to the most realistic one. What’s going on in his life? Does he seem more stressed than usual? Is he more tired? Ask about his day. Find out if there’s something going on that’s zapping all his energy. This gives you a chance to be supportive. When he’s feeling better, he’ll be happy to thank you.
Don’t overthink it when he’s not in the mood. It just happens sometimes. He’ll be ready soon enough.
