13 Dumb, Embarrassing Things I’ve Done To Impress A Guy & Never Will Again

Sometimes I look back on previous relationships or crushes and cringe. I can’t believe I did so many stupid things to get a guy to like me. Of course, they always backfired because I screwed myself over. Here are some shady behaviors I’m pleased to say I’ve killed off once and for all.

  1. Double-texting I know it’s not really a big deal to send a guy two texts in a row but my second text would usually be something like, “Did you get my previous message?” which just made it seem like I was really saying, “Hey, you’re ignoring me! Give me attention!” It was clingy and desperate. If he wasn’t replying to my texts, he didn’t want to talk to me. Why was I chasing him?
  2. Being too available I’d be out with friends, having a blast, and the cute guy I liked would text me to ask me out. I’d run out on my friends faster than Usain Bolt, totally ignoring them to be with the guy. I just screwed myself twice over with this behavior. One, I made the guy see that he just had to say the word and I’d jump to accommodate him because I didn’t have a life. Two, it made my friends hate on me for being flaky.
  3. Calling when the guy wouldn’t text As if double-texting wasn’t bad enough, if a guy still didn’t respond to my texts I’d sometimes give him a phone call (they rarely answered). Yikes. Talk about being a stalker!
  4. Being a boyfriend clone If the guy I was dating said he liked a certain hobby that I really didn’t, I’d sometimes say that I liked it too just to make it seem like we had so much in common. By liking 4X4 trails or noisy clubs, I was really trying to make us the perfect match. The compromise? My happiness. Do you know how nauseated I’d feel on those bumpy trails? Ugh, it wasn’t worth it!
  5. Acting cool when things weren’t cool If a guy upset me with a sarcastic comment or subtly put me down, I’d try to rise above it by ignoring it. But what the hell was the point of making him think everything was hunky-dory? It just made me ignore my emotions and let him walk all over me. No man will like a woman he can’t respect.
  6. Changing how I dress I’ve always had a unique and personal sense of style, but some controlling jerks would try to get me to dress the way they wanted. It would really hurt me but instead of kicking them out of my life with my cool green wedge sandals, I’d take their advice on board. Ugh. It was so stupid and made me less of myself.
  7. Ordering the salad Who hasn’t ordered the salad instead of a burger on a date to impress a guy? It’s so dumb because honestly, there’s nothing sexier than a woman who takes pleasure in life and food. Why shouldn’t I have ordered dessert if I wanted to? Screw guys who judge women by what they eat—they need to GTFO.
  8. Forcing the funnies I wanted to be seen as the cool, funny woman who made guys keel over with laughter. My thinking was that pretending to be as hilarious as Whitney Cummings would make guys realize how much fun I was to be around. The problem is that it’s impossible to be funny all the time, and when I forced it, I was just a clown who I’m sure people thought was on drugs. So messed up.
  9. Acting dumb I’d dumb myself down a lot, catering to a man’s ego. For instance, pretending I didn’t know what inclusive business was or how to play poker, just so that the guy could spend time with me explaining it. Honestly, I just felt stupid during these exchanges because I was sacrificing my dignity. And for what? A guy? Hell no!
  10. Playing the damsel card Linked to dumbing myself down was my role playing “Dumb Damsel in Distress.” I say “dumb” because I wasn’t really in need of help, I just pretended that I was to get the guy’s attention. For instance, once I asked a guy around to my place to help me move a bookshelf that I could manage to do myself. I’m sure it gave him an ego boost, but he didn’t even stay for coffee ’cause he had a hot date with someone else. Ugh.
  11. Turning into a joke If a guy teased me, I’d laugh along with him instead of tell him to stop doing that. I didn’t want to be seen as an uptight woman (’cause I’d been called that as well as “too sensitive” before) so I just went along with it. Yes, I had my head in the clouds, ha ha ha! Yes, I was so dramatic, ha ha ha! The jokes really were on me ’cause I was dating total douchebags who I didn’t even want to impress after all.
  12. Being super nice When a guy I liked or was dating was in a really bad mood, instead of letting him do his thing and get over himself, I’d try to reach him and make him feel better. I wanted to be seen as the only one who cared enough to try to help him, who went the extra mile. Oh please. I shouldn’t have been so needy and desperate to be loved, ’cause honestly, all that “nice girl” act got me was men who thought, “Oh, she’s so willing to help me, I might as well take advantage of her kindness.”
  13. Body-shaming myself I once dated a guy who was used to dating skinny models and I thought I had to look like them to get him. The funniest thing was that I still didn’t get the guy when I lost some weight because the problem wasn’t my body! Ugh. The fact that we weren’t dating wasn’t because of the number on the scale but because we just weren’t right for each other. I should’ve realized that instead of thinking I was the problem. Lesson learned. Now where’s the chocolate cake?
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.