Can You Trust Him? 13 Little Things That Should Raise Your Suspicions

When you’re first getting to know someone, it’s normal to want to give them the benefit of the doubt when they do something weird. You don’t really know them yet, so you’re hoping that they just have a weird way of doing things that you don’t quite understand yet. However, as the relationship progresses, trust becomes the foundation upon which you have to move forward if you want things to last. If you notice any of these things happening, however, he may not be worthy of that trust:

  1. He tries to peek at your texts. It seems like you’re not paying attention, so he lingers over your shoulder, trying to read your phone. This is actually a huge problem because it means he’s violating your privacy right in front of you. It’s not that you have anything to hide, it’s that you deserve a basic level of respect. If you can’t trust him to give you that, there’s a serious problem.
  2. He always has reasons you SHOULDN’T hang with your friends. He hardly knows them, but already he’s saying that they’re untrustworthy, annoying, a bad influence, etc. Uh, no — that’s a serious red flag. The only people who want to drive a wedge between you and your friends are abusers. A guy should never try to isolate you from the other people in your life. These comments may seem innocuous at first, but they’re likely a small sample of much worse behavior.
  3. He won’t drop a mistake you made months ago. You’ve apologized for your screw-up, you’ve taken steps to make it up to him, and it hasn’t happened again — so why does he keep bringing it up? Unless you made some trust-shattering mistake like cheating, he’s just trying to keep you guilty and under his thumb. You need to be able to trust your partner to forgive you and not hold a grudge when you mess up, just as you’d do for him. If you can’t, it’s a no-go.
  4. He acts like little things are big sacrifices. He won’t stop mentioning the time he carried in your groceries for you or reminded you that your friend’s birthday was coming up. Things other boyfriends are happy to do for their ladies, he thinks he deserves a medal for. Don’t be fooled — doing the bare minimum as a boyfriend is not cause for an award. How can you trust a guy who holds every little thing over your head?
  5. He constantly accuses you of cheating on him. If you’re not cheating on him and you haven’t done anything that might make a normal person a little suspicious, then odds are that he’s the cheater, not you. Especially if he doesn’t have a reason for his suspicion, but just has a “feeling”, then he thinks most people consider cheating because he does, all the time. It’s called projection, and you don’t have to put up with it.
  6. He puts off the big conversations. If he keeps putting off conversations about being exclusive, moving in together, expectations for marriage and/or kids, then its probably because he knows that he doesn’t want what you want. At first, guys who do this deserve some compassion, they just don’t want to lose you. But, if he isn’t torn up about it, he’s a total player who’s just trying to keep you on the hook! You’re with him because you’re supposed to be building a real relationship and if you’re not, WTF?
  7. He accuses you of interrupting his “busy” life a lot. You call him in a time of crisis and he shows up to support you or you do something as simple as texting him to ask if he wants to get dinner since you haven’t seen each other all week. Instead of an ecstatic reply, you get a sarcastic one about how you need to understand his “busy” schedule. If he’s never with you, what’s he actually doing when he’s not?
  8. He tries to speak for you. He tells your friends where you’re going for vacation before you’ve decided, or he tells your parents you next career move is without consulting you. He didn’t just misunderstand something you said, he thinks that you’ll just make the decision he thinks is best! This controlling guy has no place in your life.
  9. He tells you that you’ll change your mind when you have a different opinion to his. You have a disagreement about something important like if you’ll have kids, where you’ll live, or if you’ll have a traditional wedding. Instead of trying to compromise, he just tells you that you’ll change your mind. This guy thinks he can bully you into living the life he wants. You obviously can’t trust him to do a little something called “compromise.”
  10. Doing anything for you is always a major inconvenience for him. Everyone gets grumpy sometimes, but this guy’s bad mood never ends. He can never just happily do something for you, even when the request is tiny and normal like “please pour me a drink while you’re up”. He resents having to consider your needs and is majorly selfish. How can you trust him to put in any work in the relationship?
  11. He ridicules your jealousy. You have a good reason to be suspicious that he’s cheating on you, but he insists you’re being some crazy jealous stereotype. If you really are misunderstanding the situation, he should be happy to explain to you what’s really going on. Instead, his defensiveness and shifting blame to you makes it even more likely that he did cheat on you.
  12. He’s always complaining that no one understands him. You’re sure that he’s not depressed or going through a rough time, but he keeps talking about how people underestimate his “genius” and don’t get how tough it is to be him. He’s not a genius, he’s full of himself, and he’s going to expect you to sing his praises. In other words, he may not be totally mentally table.
Ellysa won't shy away from the hard truths about modern relationships. She will shy away from commitment-phobes, red roses and toe socks.