Sometimes we hurt the people we love most. Maybe it’s a moment that makes you wince when you think back on it or maybe you’re on the receiving end of these painful experiences. Either way, understanding these behaviors is the first step to avoiding them. So let’s dive into some of the most damaging things we can do to our loved ones, not to make anyone feel guilty, but to help us all do better.
1. Using Their Vulnerabilities Against Them
This one’s like playing dirty in an emotional boxing match—hitting them right where you know it hurts most. You know those deep, dark fears they shared with you at 2 AM? Those childhood traumas they finally felt safe enough to talk about? Using those as weapons during an argument is next-level cruel. It’s not just fighting dirty; it’s basically announcing “I don’t care about your emotional safety.” This kind of blow can make someone regret every vulnerable moment they’ve shared with you.
2. Ignoring Them When They Need You Most
Ever notice how some people vanish exactly when you need them most? Being emotionally AWOL when your person is going through tough times is like telling them “Your struggles aren’t my problem.” Maybe they’re dealing with a family crisis, got fired from their job, or just having one of those weeks where everything’s going wrong. It’s wild how some folks can be there for all the fun stuff but ghost you when things get heavy. Your presence during their dark moments matters more than any fancy gift or grand gesture you could ever give.
3. Betraying Their Trust
This one’s a real heartbreaker—breaking someone’s trust is like taking a sledgehammer to the foundation of your relationship. Whether it’s spilling their secrets, cheating, or just straight-up lying about important stuff, betrayal leaves scars that take forever to heal. The worst part isn’t even the betrayal itself—it’s watching them struggle to trust again, not just you but everyone else too. Think of trust like a beautiful vase—once it’s broken, you can glue it back together, but those cracks will always be visible.
4. Not Taking Accountability
We all mess up sometimes, but refusing to own your mistakes? That’s next-level cruel. It’s wild how some people can do something clearly wrong and still somehow make it the other person’s fault. They’ll dance around an apology like it’s made of lava, using phrases like “I’m sorry you feel that way” instead of actually saying “I was wrong.” This behavior turns simple mistakes into trust-destroying events because it shows you care more about being right than being kind.
5. Being Dismissive of Their Dreams
Imagine sharing your biggest hopes with someone you love, only to have them roll their eyes or list all the reasons you’ll fail. Whether it’s their dream job, passion project, or life goals, shooting them down is like poking holes in their parachute before they even take off. Some people do this thinking they’re being “realistic” or “protective,” but really, they’re just being dream-killers. Your role in someone’s life should be to lift them up, not clip their wings.
6. Weaponizing Silence
Silent treatment isn’t just childish—it’s a form of emotional warfare. You’re basically saying “You’ve upset me, so now you don’t even deserve words.” It’s using their care for you as a weapon, knowing that your silence will hurt them more than any argument. Some people can stretch this out for days, letting their partner stew in anxiety and confusion. The worst part is how it trains the other person to walk on eggshells, afraid of triggering another silent spell.
7. Dismissing Their Feelings
We’ve all been there—someone opens up to us, and we respond with something like “It’s not that bad” or “You’re being too sensitive.” Ouch! When someone trusts you enough to share their feelings, brushing them off is like slamming a door in their face. Pretty soon, they stop knocking altogether. It’s amazing how four little words like “you’re making a big deal” can build a wall between you that gets harder to break down over time.
8. Taking Them for Granted
This is the slow killer of relationships—that gradual shift from “I’m so lucky to have you” to “whatever.” You stop noticing the little things they do, like making your coffee just the way you like it or drawing you a bath after a hard day. It’s treating their love and effort like it’s on autopilot, something that’ll always be there no matter how little you appreciate it. The scary part is, that you usually don’t realize you’re doing it until they stop doing all those little things altogether.
9. Gaslighting Them
Picture someone slowly convincing you that up is down and black is white—that’s what gaslighting feels like. It’s when you make them question their own reality with lines like “That never happened” or “You’re just being dramatic again.” This kind of manipulation is like taking someone’s emotional GPS and reprogramming it to always lead them astray. The really messed up part is how it makes them dependent on your version of reality, which is exactly what gaslighting is designed to do.
10. Publicly Embarrassing Them
Nothing quite says “I don’t respect you” like turning your private issues into public entertainment. Whether it’s making fun of them in front of friends, sharing their personal struggles on social media, or starting drama at family gatherings, public humiliation hits different. It’s not just about the embarrassment—it’s about the betrayal of making their safe person (you) into someone they need to guard against. The audience might forget what happened by dessert, but your person will remember that feeling forever.
11. Undermining Their Independence
This one’s sneaky because it often masquerades as care or concern. You start making decisions for them, questioning their choices, or creating subtle dependencies that make them second-guess their own judgment. It might look like “helping,” but really it’s about control and making them rely on you more than they should. The really cruel part is how it erodes their confidence so slowly they might not even notice it happening.
12. Making Everything About Yourself
You know that friend who somehow turns every conversation back to themselves? Now imagine living with that person. When someone shares good news and you immediately one-up them, or when they’re crying and you start talking about your own problems instead. It’s like being an emotional vacuum cleaner, sucking up all the attention and care in the room. This behavior tells your person that their experiences, feelings, and stories don’t matter unless they’re about you.
13. Breaking Promises
A broken promise might seem small in the moment, but it’s actually a deep form of betrayal. Each time you say you’ll do something and don’t follow through, you’re telling them their time and feelings don’t matter to you. It’s not just about the disappointment of the broken promise—it’s about the message it sends about their worth in your eyes. Over time, breaking promises becomes breaking trust, and that’s much harder to repair.
