We’ve all been there—stuck in a conversation with someone who thinks they’re the center of the universe. Whether they’re bragging about every little thing, talking over everyone, or just straight-up obsessed with themselves, it can be hard to know how to handle them without rolling your eyes too hard. If you’re ready to give them a little reality check, here are 13 sharp comebacks that’ll help you remind them they’re not the only person in the room.
1. “Oh, I Didn’t Realize This Was a Competition.”
You know the type—the one who just has to outdo everyone. You say you’re tired, and they’re exhausted. You mention your trip, and they’ve been twice. This line is your go-to for shutting down their need to constantly one-up you and remind them you’re just talking, not competing.
2. “Wow, You Must Be Exhausted From Tooting Your Own Horn All Day.”
When they can’t stop talking about how amazing they are, this comeback adds just the right amount of snark. It’s a way of saying, “We get it, you’re great… at least, in your own mind.” If you pause just long enough after saying it, they’re sure to realize they’re a little too into their own hype.
3. “I Guess Modesty Didn’t Make It Onto Your To-Do List Today.”
Sometimes people are so busy showing off that they forget humility exists. This line brings their lack of modesty front and center. It’s not mean, but it’s definitely not sugarcoated, either. It’s just the kind of jab that says, “Calm down, superstar.”
4. “So, When’s the Part Where You Ask About Me?”
If they’ve been talking about themselves for the past 20 minutes without even pretending to care about anyone else, it’s time to throw this one out there. It’s a not-so-gentle nudge that they’re hogging the conversation, and that other people might want to talk too.
5. “It’s Nice to Know You Think So Highly of Yourself.”
We love confidence. Arrogance, not so much. When their self-love is just a bit too extra, this comeback lets them know you’re catching on to the over-the-top ego. It’s subtle sarcasm at its finest—just enough to make them wonder if they’re coming off as a little too much.
6. “I Didn’t Realize We Were Talking About You Again.”
If every conversation magically circles back to them, no matter the starting point, it’s time to call them out. It’s not that they can’t talk; it’s just that they’re talking about themselves a little too much. This comeback politely reminds them that other people exist, and yes, we all have interesting things to say.
7. “Is There a Point, or Are You Just Trying to Impress Me?”
For those times when they’re rambling on and on, trying to sound like the expert on… well, everything. This line asks the real question—do they actually have something to say, or are they just trying to show off? It’s a little blunt, but sometimes blunt is exactly what an ego that big needs.
8. “If I Wanted to Hear More About You, I’d Read Your Biography.”
When someone just won’t stop talking about their oh-so-fascinating life, this comeback gets the message across: enough already. It’s a funny, low-key way to tell them they’ve officially reached the “self-obsessed” zone.
9. “Wow, That’s Impressive. You Should Get a Trophy for That.”
If they’re acting like doing the bare minimum deserves a standing ovation, this one’s for you. It’s perfect for when their “accomplishments” aren’t exactly as mind-blowing as what they think they are. Sometimes, all you can do is hand out imaginary awards and move on.
10. “How Do You Manage to Stay So Humble?”
A sarcastic classic. It’s the perfect comeback when they’re bragging without even trying to hide it. This line cuts right through their self-importance and adds just enough sarcasm to keep things fun. If they’re capable of laughing at themselves, this might be a wake-up call—or at least a momentary pause in the show.
11. “Are You Done, or Should I Grab Some Popcorn?”
When they’re going on and on like it’s an extended monologue, this one’s a solid way to hint that it’s more of a performance than a conversation. It’s playful, but it also says, “Let’s wrap it up, buddy.” You’re not here for a one-person show.
12. “You Must Be Fun at Parties.”
Perfect for when their conversation style feels more like a lecture than an actual back-and-forth. This line gently suggests that they might be taking themselves a bit too seriously, without being outright rude. It’s a playful way to add some levity to the situation and maybe get them to lighten up.
13. “Thanks for the TED Talk. Do You Charge for These Lectures?”
If they’ve been going full professor mode—especially when you didn’t ask for their “expert” advice—this comeback says, “Enough with the unsolicited lecture.” It’s a witty way of pointing out that their know-it-all routine isn’t as charming as they think.
