If you’ve ever given someone your number only for them not to use it, you know how crummy it feels. But there’s another twist on this dating behavior and it’s called dial-toning. Here’s what it is and how to tell if the cute person you’ve just met is going to do it to you.
Dial-toning is really common and it feels horrible.
Approximately 60% of people have been dial-toned. Yikes! At least you don’t have to feel alone in this… Dial-toning is when someone gives you their number but then doesn’t reply when you call or text them. Ouch! It really hurts and makes you feel rejected. You might worry that you misread the person’s signals, although how could you have if they offered you their number? It’s really confusing.
It’s in the ghosting family.
Dial-toning and ghosting are pretty similar. The difference is that dial-toning happens before a relationship can even bloom. The person gives you their digits but then never actually gets in touch when you use them. Really, the deception is the same because you could’ve sworn the person actually liked you.
It shouldn’t feel personal.
Although it obviously can dent your self-confidence for a while, there are many reasons why someone might dial-tone you. For example, maybe they already have a partner and didn’t want to be a jerk. In that case, the dial-toning is actually a blessing in disguise.
There are other reasons why someone might dial-tone you.
Maybe the person feels like you’re out of their league. Maybe they felt they had a real connection with you but then thought about it later and realized that you’re on different pages. Maybe they’re leaving the country for good and don’t want to start something that won’t have a future. It’s not always about you and it’s best not to dwell on it.
Beware of someone who’s not that keen.
Maybe you were talking about how cool it would be to check out that new club that’s opened up across town and you followed up with, “You should give me your digits.” The person might have said, “Definitely!” because they didn’t see a way out of it. Hey, it happens.
Beware of how they end things.
If they give you their number but then the conversation becomes awkward, uncomfortable, or they just seem over it, that’s a huge warning sign that they’re probably not going to call or text you. They might’ve given you their number to be polite. Ugh.
Beware of the drunk person.
Everything was fun when the person gave you their number, but they were drunk. The next morning, they might not even remember doing so or they might be embarrassed about how they were so bold with you so they ignore your texts. Lousy and quite childish, though, you have to admit.
Beware of how they are with their buddies.
If their friends sort of suggested that the person gives you their number, that’s not good enough. What, is this high school? The person’s got to show that they really are interested in chatting with you some more or seeing you again.
The best thing is to text once, then stop.
If you got someone’s number and you want to text them, go ahead – but if you don’t hear from them it’s best to quit trying to get in touch. They now have your number so they have no excuse. Hey, at least you had the guts to get yourself out there in spite of your fears. If you get dial-toned, it won’t kill you. Promise.
If you can’t exchange numbers, game over.
Some people might say that getting someone’s number instead of exchanging numbers is a dating red flag, and it makes sense why. If you’re taking their number but they’re not giving you theirs, you have to wonder why. Are they holding back? Are they not that keen on taking things further? Hmm, maybe this one-sided start to dating is actually a huge red flag that can set you up for being dial-toned. You have been warned.
You deserve someone who makes an effort!
Another problem with someone giving you their number and expecting you to call or text them is that it’s quite lazy on their part. It also puts all the pressure on you. If someone’s doing that, then dial-toning is just adding insult to an injury they already committed. Bye!
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