You might not think you’re being manipulative, but your partner might say otherwise. Manipulation is really about power. You might be trying to exert power over your partner so that they’ll meet all your needs and you’ll get what you want. But, it’s toxic as hell and can sink your relationship. Still think you’re not manipulative? If any of these 13 signs apply to you, you may be a manipulative woman.
- You play the blame game. When something goes wrong in your life, do you immediately blame someone else for it, like your co-worker, your bestie, or your boyfriend? If you’re always blaming your boyfriend for things you’ve done, you’re shirking your responsibility and breaking him down by trying to turn him into the baddie. This is one of the biggest signs you’re a manipulative woman.
- You’re a waterworks queen. When an argument with your boyfriend gets a little too real, do you throw on the tears like you’re gunning for an Academy Award nomination? Hmm. This could be your way of seeking his sympathy, but it just makes you seem manipulative. Hint: if he can see that you’re forcing out those tears, you’re not fooling him. However, you are showing major signs of being a manipulative woman.
- You’re affectionate when it suits you. Someone who’s manipulative might throw on the affection when they need something from their partner, and then hold it back when it doesn’t provide them with what they want. Ugh. It’s never cool to play with someone’s heartstrings like that.
- You compare him to other men. When you want to guilt your boyfriend into doing something for you, like attend your bestie’s birthday party even though he can’t get out of work, do you make him feel bad by comparing him to another guy? For example, you might say, “My ex would never let me have to go to a social event alone.” Yikes.
- You play the victim card. Only a manipulative woman would display signs like this. You might know how to sulk and look fragile when you think your boyfriend is mad with you so that he will feel sorry for you. Or, you might feel like the world is always out to get you when you don’t get what you want. When your boyfriend sees you do this in the rest of your life, he’ll see it as a red flag that you’re going to manipulate him. He might be onto you.
- You never apologize. Look, saying that you’re sorry can be really hard. If you never take responsibility for your actions and apologize to your boyfriend for things you’ve done, but instead expect him to apologize to you, that’s a way of trying to control him and make him feel guilty for things he hasn’t done. It messes with him. He might even feel like he’s being forced to apologize although he doesn’t mean it. He’s just paying you lip service.
More signs you might be a manipulative woman
- You prioritize your drama over his. When he’s having a bad day, do you roll your eyes and tell him to “man up?” Or, do you feel like your stressful days are much more important than his? This can make him feel like you don’t value him. No guy of quality is going to stick around for this treatment.
- You hold his mistakes over his head. This is one of the biggest signs of a manipulative woman. When he messes up, do you store his behavior away so you can use it against him in future? That’s super toxic. Not only does it show him that you’re not interested in moving forward with your relationship, but it also shows him that you’re vindictive. If he’s learned from his mistakes, he doesn’t deserve you shoving them in his face all the time.
- You punish him. If your boyfriend does something that pisses you off, you might think you have to make him crawl through the mud to prove his love for you. So, you might punish him, like by giving him the silent treatment or going AWOL so that he has to send you tons of texts to try to get you to answer him. Ouch. This is another one of the glaring signs you’re a manipulative woman.
- You make him walk on eggshells. A common sign of a manipulative person is yo-yoing emotions. One minute you’re angry with your partner, the next you’re all over him and being super-charming. This is a clever ploy to keep him on his toes, so you stay unpredictable. It actually messes with his head and can make him think you’re nuts or not serious about him because you’re playing games.
- You make overly dramatic statements. Another common sign of a manipulator is making very dramatic statements. So, you might yell at your boyfriend during a fight by saying, “You’re the only one who understands me!” to make him feel guilty for not doing what you want. Or, you might say, “I’d take a bullet for you!” to try to show him how much you’re into him. It’s OTT and a classic sign of love bombing.
- You bring him down when he’s up. Since manipulation is about having control in the relationship, you might want to keep him under your thumb otherwise you feel insecure. For example, if he’s really happy about something great that happened to him, you’ll want to bring him down and get his attention. So, on one of his happiest days, you might tell him that you need to have a serious talk so you bring his good mood down a few notches.
- You make him feel like he never does enough. You’re so busy trying to get one up on him that he never feels like he can make you happy. What’s going on? Do you make him try to prove his love to you so that you feel worthy of it? Seriously, it’s time to figure out why you’re being manipulative so you don’t trash your relationship and lose an amazing guy who you’re lucky to not have already lost.