13 Signs Your Friends Have Low EQ

13 Signs Your Friends Have Low EQ

Navigating friendships in adulthood can be a fun but challenging dance. Sometimes, you find yourself wondering why certain friends react to situations with all the emotional awareness of a soggy piece of toast. It’s not necessarily that they’re bad people, but some have a startlingly low EQ or emotional intelligence. So, let’s dive into some of the telltale signs that your friends might need a crash course in feeling.

1. They Overreact To Mild Criticism

Picture this: you gently point out that their avocado toast fixation might be burning a hole in their wallet, and they respond as if you just insulted their entire family. Friends with low EQ often perceive even the mildest criticism as an attack, unable to filter out the constructive from the destructive. Instead of understanding the intention behind your words, they fixate on the perceived slight, leaving you wondering if you should just keep your insights to yourself. Daniel Goleman, a renowned psychologist, notes that high EQ individuals can discern emotions and are more receptive to feedback, an art clearly lost on your overly sensitive pal.

When you try to address the issue later, hoping for a mature conversation, they often double down or spiral into self-pity. It’s like they skipped the day they taught “how to not take everything personally” in adulting school. Friends like these can drag you into a whirlwind of unnecessary drama, making you hesitant to bring up any topic that might not be rainbows and butterflies. It’s exhausting and, frankly, one-sided.

2. They Can’t Read The Room

You’re at a dinner party, and your friend starts recounting their latest breakup saga while everyone else is discussing the latest episode of that hot new TV show. People with low emotional intelligence often miss social cues that are glaringly obvious to others. They’re unable to gauge the mood of the room, meaning their contributions are often awkwardly timed or completely tone-deaf. You might find yourself cringing on their behalf, wishing they could sense the collective discomfort.

Even when you gently steer the conversation back on track, they don’t pick up on the hint. It’s like trying to navigate a group project with someone who hasn’t read the instructions. Their inability to adjust their behavior to fit the social setting can be embarrassing and sometimes downright frustrating. It’s a relentless reminder that communication is as much about listening as it is about speaking.

3. They Deflect Instead Of Owning Up

Ever tried to have a heart-to-heart with a friend, only to have them throw your concerns back in your face, leaving you feeling unheard and, frankly, a little gaslit? Friends with low EQ have a remarkable talent for deflecting blame. According to a study by Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D., at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, this kind of emotional dodging is a classic sign of low emotional intelligence. They’re pros at shifting the spotlight away from their own shortcomings and turning it into a critique of your behavior instead.

It’s as if admitting fault would cause their entire world to crumble, so instead, they build a fortress of denial. You might bring up a forgotten lunch date, and suddenly you’re the bad guy for always being so “demanding.” This kind of interaction can leave you questioning your own reality, which is not only exhausting but incredibly unfair. A true friend should acknowledge their mistakes, not turn them into yours.

4. They Struggle To Empathize

When you’re spilling your guts about a tough day, they manage to turn the conversation back to themselves with zero recognition of your emotional state. Empathy isn’t just about listening; it’s about understanding and reacting appropriately to someone else’s feelings. Friends with low EQ can leave you feeling like you’re speaking into the void, as they awkwardly nod and shift the spotlight back to their own issues. This self-centered approach can be hurtful, making you feel like your problems don’t matter.

Even when they try to show empathy, it often comes across as forced or insincere. You mention how stressed you are about work, and they hit you back with a “yeah, that sucks,” before launching into their own work drama. It’s like trying to have a conversation with a wall that occasionally echoes back some of your words. You’re left longing for a friend who can validate your feelings, rather than one who’s stuck in a loop of self-absorption.

5. They Monopolize Conversations

If you’ve ever left a coffee date feeling like you just attended a one-woman show, you know what this looks like. Friends with low emotional intelligence tend to monopolize conversations, leaving little room for anyone else’s voice. A study by Dr. John M. Grohol, founder of Psych Central, highlights how this tendency often stems from an inability to recognize social cues. They just talk and talk, oblivious to your attempts to interject or change the subject.

They might think they’re just being engaging, but really, they’re drowning out the potential for a two-way dialogue. You may find yourself tuning out or even planning your escape route as they dive into another monologue about their own brilliance. Communication should be a shared experience, not a platform for someone to hog the spotlight. It’s a red flag when they can’t pause long enough to let anyone else share the stage.

6. They Give Half-Hearted Apologies

When they finally do apologize, it often carries the sincerity of a soggy tissue. You know the ones: “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry, but you…”. These pseudo-apologies put the blame back on you, turning an act of contrition into a backhanded insult. It’s infuriating and leaves you questioning why you bothered addressing the issue in the first place.

A genuine apology requires vulnerability and acknowledgment of one’s actions, something low EQ individuals struggle with. Instead of taking ownership, they sidestep accountability, leaving you feeling like you’re the unreasonable one. It’s a toxic cycle, where you end up feeling guilty for even expecting a real apology. Remember, a true friend should be able to admit they were wrong without turning it into another emotional battleground.

7. They Have Very Little Self-Awareness

Self-awareness isn’t just Instagram captions about “finding yourself”; it’s a crucial component of emotional intelligence. Friends with low EQ often lack this critical awareness, blind to how their behavior impacts others. A study conducted by Dr. Tasha Eurich, an organizational psychologist, suggests that although 95% of people think they’re self-aware, only about 10-15% actually are. This disparity leaves many friends blissfully unaware of their cringeworthy exploits and social blunders.

You’ll notice it when they can’t seem to understand why nobody laughed at their off-color joke, or why everyone is suddenly silent. It’s like watching someone in a play who hasn’t bothered to read the script, stumbling through scenes without a clue. Their lack of self-awareness can be exhausting, often leaving you to clean up the messes they create. It’s one thing to be carefree, but being carelessly ignorant is another story entirely.

8. They Can’t Handle Deep Conversations

For some people, talking about feelings is like pulling teeth, and your low EQ friend might be the poster child for this dental nightmare. They avoid deep, meaningful conversations as if emotional depth were a bottomless pit ready to swallow them whole. When you try to engage on a more profound level, they deflect or shut down, leaving you stranded on the surface of the friendship. It feels like emotional blue balls, where you’re left hanging because they can’t or won’t meet you halfway.

You might start to wonder if you’re asking for too much, but wanting an emotionally fulfilling friendship isn’t a big ask. Instead of diving into a discussion about your hopes and fears, you find yourself stuck in an endless loop of small talk. This emotional avoidance can leave you feeling unfulfilled, craving the kind of connection that goes deeper than the latest TikTok trend. Emotional depth is what turns acquaintances into true friends, but it’s hard to build when one side is unwilling to dig.

9. They Don’t Set Or Follow Boundaries

Their lack of emotional intelligence often translates into poor boundary recognition and respect. They might text you incessantly, expecting immediate responses, or show up unannounced, assuming you’re always available. It’s as if they operate on their own time, oblivious to the fact that you have a life outside the friendship. This behavior can leave you feeling suffocated and drained, like you’re constantly on call for their needs.

Even when you try to establish clear boundaries, they seem to believe that rules are mere suggestions. It’s frustrating when they take your attempts to carve out personal time as a personal affront. Creating and respecting boundaries is a crucial aspect of any healthy relationship, but with a low EQ friend, it’s an uphill battle. They might mean well, but their inability to recognize and honor your space is a sign of deeper emotional disconnect.

10. They Hold Onto Silly Grudges

Low EQ individuals have a penchant for keeping a mental scorecard of past transgressions. They hold grudges like they’re Olympic medals, unable to let go of perceived slights or misunderstandings. It’s as if they’re stuck in a perpetual state of resentment, nursing old wounds while refusing to let them heal. This inability to forgive and forget can create an undertone of tension in your friendship, where you’re constantly walking on eggshells.

Attempts to address and resolve issues are often met with resistance or outright denial. They might claim they’ve moved on, but their actions and subtle jabs suggest otherwise. This cycle of grudging behavior can erode trust and make you question the longevity of your friendship. A healthy relationship should be built on forgiveness and understanding, not a running tally of who wronged whom.

11. They’re Drama Magnets

Ever notice how some people seem to attract chaos wherever they go? Friends with low EQ often have a knack for being at the center of drama, whether they’re instigating it or just perpetually caught in the eye of the storm. It’s like they’re living in a soap opera, constantly embroiled in conflicts that could easily be avoided with a little emotional maturity. Their inability to manage their emotions and reactions often means they leave a trail of turmoil in their wake.

While they might claim to hate drama, their actions suggest otherwise. They seem to thrive on the adrenaline rush that comes with conflict, dragging you along for the ride. It’s exhausting being pulled into their whirlwind of issues, especially when you’re just trying to keep your own life drama-free. Healthy friendships should provide support and stability, not a constant stream of emotional upheaval.

12. They Never Seem Grateful

When was the last time they genuinely expressed gratitude for something you did? Friends with low emotional intelligence often struggle to acknowledge the kindness of others, taking gestures for granted instead. It’s as if they assume the world revolves around their needs, and appreciation is a foreign concept. This lack of acknowledgment can leave you feeling undervalued and questioning why you continue to invest in the friendship.

Even when they do express gratitude, it can feel obligatory rather than heartfelt. You might get a half-hearted “thanks” after going out of your way to help, but it lacks the warmth of true appreciation. Gratitude is the glue that strengthens bonds, a simple yet powerful way to show you care. When it’s absent, the friendship can feel lopsided, with one person always giving and the other taking without pause.

13. They’re Incapable Of Compromise

Negotiating plans with a friend who has low EQ can feel like trying to broker peace between two stubborn toddlers. They’re often unwilling or unable to meet anyone halfway, insisting on their preferences without considering yours. It’s as if the concept of compromise was written in a language they can’t understand. This rigid mindset can make even the simplest of plans feel like a battle of wills.

You might suggest alternating meeting spots, but they insist on their favorite café every single time. While they may not realize it, this inflexibility can be incredibly alienating. Friendship should be a partnership, a two-way street where both parties feel heard and respected. When one side refuses to bend, it can strain the relationship, leaving you wondering if the friendship is worth the hassle.

Natasha is a seasoned lifestyle journalist and editor based in New York City. Originally from Sydney, during a a stellar two-decade career, she has reported on the latest lifestyle news and trends for major media brands including Elle and Grazia.