13 Signs You’re Dating Down & Need To Raise Your Standards

Are you sure you’re not settling in your current relationship? If your boyfriend keeps saying you’re out of his league or you just feel that you’re not connected to each other on a deeper level than the physical, perhaps it’s time to rethink the relationship. Here are some signs that you’re dating down:

  1. You have your act together — he doesn’t. You’ve worked hard on yourself and your career to grow continually and achieve success. You’re a well-adjusted, healthy individual who doesn’t play relationship games, but can your boyfriend tick these important boxes? If not, then you’re in different places and you deserve someone who has their act together.
  2. You can’t be yourself. When you have exciting career news or you want to share a hilarious thing you saw on the bus to work, something stops you. Your partner doesn’t really “get” you, causing you to hide certain parts of yourself. If you can’t be yourself, what’s the point of being in the relationship?
  3. You don’t want to introduce him to your loved ones. You’ve been dating for a while now and you still haven’t let him meet the folks or your best friend? Uh-oh. That’s a sign that something’s wrong. When you’re excited about someone, you want to let them meet the other important people in your life. If you don’t, it’s like you’re embarrassed about them or don’t feel they fit into your life.
  4. You miss being single. It often happens that you miss your single days, so why are you staying in the relationship? If it’s because you’re comfortable or just find it better than being alone, that’s not good. You should feel enthusiastic and happy most of the time, otherwise it’s a sign you’re settling for less than you deserve.
  5. You’re not truly attracted to him. Yes, he makes you laugh and he’s really intelligent, but on a physical level, he’s not the type of guy who appeals to you. Maybe you tried to date outside of your type or you hoped the chemistry would kick in at a later stage, only to find that the physical attraction is severely lacking in your relationship. He, on the other hand, finds you hot as hell. This just makes things weird.
  6. Something just feels off. You can’t really put your finger on it, but it feels like there’s something off in the relationship. It’s more than what’s visible; sometimes it’s just a feeling that’s telling you you’re in the wrong situation and can do better. Listen to it!
  7. You think he deserves a chance. He’s a good guy and those are scarce, so you reckon you should give him a chance. Still, just because he’s a nice guy, it doesn’t mean you have to like him! Why should you be a relationship martyr at the expense of your happiness and fulfillment?
  8. You feel bored. You often try to find new and exciting things you and your partner can do together. This is good to keep things interesting, but not a good sign if you’re doing this to distract yourself from being bored with him. There’s a difference. If your partner bores you, then you’re dating down.
  9. You’re much more successful than he is. This shouldn’t be a problem but it’s the attitude towards success that counts, not how much more money you have than him. If you’re ambitious and making something of your life but he’s lazy AF and wants to lie around on your sofa every day, you’re just not on the same level. Stick with him and he’ll just bring you down.
  10. You crave mental stimulation. If you and your partner don’t connect on a mental level, this shows that you’re dating down. Signs that you don’t have a mental connection is a lack of interesting, thought-provoking conversation. This can make you crave a mental challenge in other relationships in your life, but it’s a hint that you need to date up in the brains department.
  11. Your ex is still your dating gold standard. Even though you’re with this new guy, you keep thinking of how amazing your ex is in various ways. You can’t help but keep him as your dating standard against which you measure other men, and you know your current partner falls short. Instead of being with him, you should be out finding someone better than your ex so you raise the standard.
  12. You expect too little from him. You stick with him because he has great qualities, like loyalty and honesty, but this isn’t enough! You deserve everything you want from a relationship, but if you’re settling for less, you’re basically saying you’re unworthy.
  13. You’re jaded about love as a whole. One of the reasons why you might stay with someone who’s not on your level, whether mentally, emotionally or sexually, is that you’ve been hurt a lot. This causes you to feel jaded about men and relationships and makes you stick around with guys who are “good enough” instead of trying to find the best you can. That only hurts you. You deserve the fairytale love that makes your fingers tingle and your heart race and puts a huge smile on your face. Anything less is too small for you.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.