13 Signs You’re His Fling, Not His Future

You might be hoping that the person you’re dating will want to take things further, but if these 13 things are happening, don’t hold your breath because you’re not much more than his booty call.

  1. He texts when he’s bored or horny. You know he’s feeling these things because he always texts after midnight and he’s quick to say something like, “Come over now.”
  2. He doesn’t want to do traditional dates. Dinner and a movie? He’d rather not. Maybe to him, it feels too much like you’re official and exclusive. The guy who only sees you as a fling will want to avoid all that.
  3. He’s inconsistent. He might be giving you some seriously mixed signals. For example, he won’t want to meet you for dinner but he’ll invite you on holiday for the weekend. WTF? He clearly has time to have sexy getaways with you, but he wants to avoid hour-long conversations. Ugh. It’s all about sex with this guy.
  4. He’s shady about adding you on Facebook. He’s got an active Facebook profile, but he doesn’t want to add you on it, even though you’ve been chatting and dating for ages. What gives? It’s clear he’s not keen on letting you into his life in a real way.
  5. He doesn’t really go deep. When asking you questions and getting to know you, he keeps things on a surface level. You always feel like he doesn’t really have a deep, clear view about who you are.
  6. He starts out totally mad about you. When you first start chatting and hanging out, he tells you how in awe he is of you or how you’ve rocked his world… Seems awesome, right? Well, don’t get too excited because he’s likely to cool down when he gets what he wants. Always be wary of people who come on too strong when they don’t even know you.
  7. Dates always end up back at his place. He might meet you for drinks or coffee, then try to steer the date back to his place. And this happens all the time. Ugh. It’s like he’s just going through the motions with the dates in order to get dessert at the end of it.
  8. He’s all about physical contact. When he sees you, he might not want to talk a lot but he’s quick to drape an arm over your shoulder, hold your hand, or reach in to steal a kiss. Although at first that might seem sweet and show you he’s interested, after a while of heavy PDA, you’ll start to understand what he’s really after.
  9. Convos are always flirtatious. If he’s chatting to you because he’s wanting to get laid, you’re likely to find that the conversations always become sexual or heavily flirtatious. Damn it, can’t you just talk about normal things for once?!
  10. He says “we’ll see” a lot. You invite him out to a date two weeks ahead of time. He says he’ll have to check his schedule and get back to you. You ask him if he wants to go on a romantic picnic. He says, “We’ll see.” The guy can’t commit to plans or be clear about what he wants.
  11. He avoids your friends. When you suggest hanging out with your friends, he says he’s not available. When he pitches up at your place (because dates are always last-minute with this guy) and he finds your BFF with you, he’s off and cold towards them, and maybe makes an excuse to get out. He doesn’t care about showing an interest in your friends and life because he sees no future with you.
  12. He’s always scruffy. If he doesn’t care about how he looks around you at all, but you’ve seen him clean up nice when he’s around other people, the guy doesn’t care about making a good impression on you. He’s only in this “relationship” for what he can get.
  13. He only has night dates. Is he a vampire or something?  He can never meet you during the day, even on weekends, which is kinda weird. You can’t help but wonder if he’s got a hidden agenda, like a girlfriend he’s spending that time with or if he’s just not keen on bumping into people he knows when he’s with you. When you date someone,  you should feel that you have real access into their lives and can see them at different times, not just when it suits them.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.