It’s awesome to be in a healthy, happy relationship, but it’s important to remember that you’re so much more than someone’s girlfriend. Here are 13 signs you’re defining yourself according to your relationship status and it’s about to cause problems in your life.
- You’re a raincheck queen. When your friends want to hang out, you’re quick to ask for a raincheck because you’re more interested in seeing your partner. While that’s normal and understandable sometimes, it’s not cool if it’s happening all the time. You need to spend time with your girls, especially if you want still want them to be there when your guy no longer is.
- When your relationship is down, everything is too. When you and your partner have a fight or things just are rough between you for a while, it paints darkness over everything else in your life. The danger of allowing the negativity in your relationship to spread to the rest of your life is that it can make you miss out on the beauty that was there before your partner entered the picture.
- You feel lousy when you’re single. You absolutely hate being single. You feel like less of a valuable, worthy person and that’s sad because your self-worth should never, ever depend on your relationship status or lack thereof.
- You’re anxious about your relationship ending. You stay up at night worrying that your relationship will end. You’re not just worried that you’ll lose the person you love but also that you’ll be alone. Perhaps your relationship has been so important to you that you don’t know what you would do without it.
- You have joint social media accounts. You’ve said farewell to your own social media accounts and now have joint Facebook and Twitter accounts with your partner. This is basically saying to the world that your individual accounts, friends, and experiences don’t really matter as much as your shared experiences with your partner.
- You’ve cut out friends. If you and your partner have mutual friends but he doesn’t like one or two of them, you’re quick to stop spending time with them too. This might be a show of loyalty on your part, but it can be toxic. For starters, you don’t have to share your partner’s opinions about other people (or anything). You can have a life outside of your relationship—and you definitely should.
- You avoid plus-one events if your plus-one can’t be there. You haven’t flown solo at social events since you got into a relationship. You might not be avoiding them because you don’t want to attend but because you don’t want to go if your partner can’t make it. You’re defining yourself as a couple, not an individual.
- You’ve given up lots to be with this person. Perhaps you gave up your career or home to live with him in another state. Perhaps you’ve thrown your dreams on the back-burner because they didn’t fit in with your relationship. This isn’t fair on you and can make you completely lose your sense of self. Is anyone worth that? No.
- You’ve corrected your “imperfections.” Your boyfriend commented that he doesn’t really like the dresses you wear in the summer, so you gave them away. He doesn’t like your freckles, so you cover them up with long-lasting foundation. You’re changing little but important things about yourself to keep him happy, which is a huge sign that you’re letting your relationship take over. Treat yourself like the queen you are!
- People have noticed the change. Friends and family might have noticed the change in your appearance, but perhaps they’ve also seen how your personality has changed since getting with your partner. The ultimate sign of defining yourself according to your relationship is losing yourself completely and it’s a huge red flag that you need to pay attention to!
- You don’t want to rock the boat. Perhaps you worry so much about your partner ending things that you make it your MO to keep the peace, even if that means biting your tongue instead of expressing criticism or pretending to be cool with something you’re not so that your partner will still like you. What happened to your own feelings, thoughts, and opinions? They matter. Don’t let a romantic relationship define you—you should be in control and define it.
- You forget about your needs. There’s no doubt that if you’re allowing the relationship to define you then you’re putting your needs on the back-burner indefinitely, either to keep your partner happy or to make your relationship the biggest priority in your life. This will frustrate you sooner or later, and that’s a good thing. Use it as a wakeup call that you’ve neglected yourself!
- You’re a selfie nut. You never used to post that many selfies when you were single, but now that you’re taken, you’re always uploading couple selfies on social media. This could be to share your happiness with the world, but make sure it’s not to show off or make yourself feel better/worthier/more valuable because you have someone. You don’t need to let your relationship boost your self-worth. That should be there regardless of your relationship status!
