13 Things Your BFF Doesn’t Want To Hear After A Breakup

The last thing you want is to see your bestie heartbroken after some jerk dumped her. Yup, you’d like to break his kneecaps, but since you can’t, you figure the next best thing is to help her feel better. But if you’re saying these things, you’re actually making her feel worse:

  1. “I never liked that jerk anyway.” You really didn’t. Her ex was a lying, cheating ball of crap. But telling your friend this now is basically like telling her, “I told you so.” Plus, she’ll be made to feel that not only is she mourning the end of her relationship, but her bad judgment. Great. Some things are better left unsaid.
  2. “You can do so much better.” You mean well, but now’s not the time to say that she can go out there and find a much better guy. She loved her ex, irrespective of what you thought. Even if she knows he was bad for her, she can’t switch off her feelings right now and she certainly doesn’t want to imagine getting a new guy. If you feel she’s so fabulous and mustn’t forget her worth, then rather tell her why she’s amazing to you and remind your bestie that you love her. That’s way more supportive.
  3. “You should have seen the warning signs.” Telling her this after she’s confided in you about how the breakup happened is like asking why she was stupid enough to stick with him for so long. It’s not helpful at all, so don’t even go there.
  4. “You know, this happened to me once…” You hope that by sharing your breakup story with her, she’ll see that she’s not alone. But launching into your own stories instead of listening to hers is just irritating. This is not the time to talk about your life or that there’s a stupid light at the end of every breakup. She’ll come to that conclusion in her own time, but now’s not it.
  5. “He’s missing you right now.” Really? You want her to light a candle for her ex and hope that he’ll change his mind and run back to her? False hope is the last thing she needs to hear, especially if she’s been throwing back tequila shots.
  6. “Oh no, he was such a sweetheart!” Maybe you really liked her ex. Maybe he was always such a charming guy and he made the best lasagna when you all got together and watched the football. But just like reminding your BFF about her ex’s bad qualities is a no-no, so is telling her how great he was. You might as well throw that booze straight onto her fresh wound.
  7. “You’ll find a better guy in no time. Hey, I know someone perfect for you!” It’s not a good idea for your BFF to jump into dating someone new right away. But actually suggesting that you can set her up with someone? That’s the worst way to make her miss her relationship even more and dread being single again. Setups are depressing AF.
  8. “Do you think he’s met someone else?” You might think it’s cool to ask her questions about the relationship and breakup, in order to understand what went wrong so you can be supportive. But don’t make her paranoid or even more heartbroken by suggesting that he might have already replaced her. You might think this will turn her sadness into anger, but it’s just going to make her even more depressed – and stalk him on Facebook to find out if it’s true.
  9. “Don’t waste another second talking about him!” From the outside, it makes perfect sense to tell her to stop talking about this guy because she’s wasting her time, but it’s quite insensitive for her to hear it. You need to be the supportive, patient friend, even if she wants to go over the same stuff hundreds of times. That’s your job and what will really help her move through this.
  10. “You should ask him why he left you.” Yes, closure is important and it sucks if she didn’t get any, but suggesting she get in touch with him is out of line. She shouldn’t be encouraged to call him for answers because she’ll regret it the next morning when she’s thinking clearly. Or, she’ll think there’s possibly hope for her and her ex to talk things through. That’s only going to set her back.
  11. “Let’s trash his car!” Suggesting revenge, however sweet it may seem, is not a good idea. Your friend might get ideas for how to hurt her ex, which will just make her look bad if she follows through with them. Or, she’ll hear your revenge-enthusiasm and get irritated with you. She wants a friend who listens to her, not tries to score a fix of drama for the night.
  12. “Yay, you’re joining me in the fabulous single world!” This isn’t about you. She’s really torn up and she doesn’t want to think about the fact that she’s going to be alone, even if singledom is fabulous. Truth is, it’s not feeling fabulous now that she’s had her heart smashed up. So don’t force her to look on the bright side. That can only happen in time.
  13. “I’m seeing someone. It’s a shame we can’t double date now.” Talk about inappropriate! Now’s not the time to tell your bestie that you’ve met someone new or that you were hoping for her to be in a relationship so you could all double date. She’s surely happy for your budding romance, but right now she wants to thump every guy’s head with a frying pan, so keep this to yourself until she’s better, okay?
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.