Curvy women are often discriminated against at work, at school, and in our dating lives. As if dealing with societal expectations about our weight isn’t enough, we have a harder time finding love. Even after we find a partner, we still encounter numerous awkward situations and mean comments which aren’t always intended to hurt but definitely do. We’re not saying that thin women have it easy, but curvy women have our own set of challenges in the dating world. Here are some things we’re sick of dealing with.
- Being limited on what to wear You might be thinking, “Can’t you just wear whatever you want as long as you feel good in it?! In theory, yes. In reality, not really. There’s a backward notion that curvy women should or shouldn’t dress in a certain way. You wear a crop top but your partner thinks it’s inappropriate and reserved for skinny women. You wear a killer bodycon dress and you’re told you have to at least conceal your curves by putting on some Spanx or something. If you wear something looser and less form-fitting, well, you have no sense of fashion. There’s simply no way of getting around it.
- Catcalling Not sure what people (men in particular) find so interesting about being a curvy woman that they can’t just keep quiet when we’re walking by, but nine times out of 10, they just have to say something. Just so you know, catcalling isn’t funny or in any way complimentary. It’s annoying and disrespectful. It doesn’t matter if they’re saying something “nice” (read: crude and sexually suggestive) or berating us for our weight. Believe me, we don’t want to hear any of it.
- Having “Pretty face” syndrome When someone you’re dating tells you that you’re beautiful, that’s a compliment. But when curvy women are told that we have a “beautiful face,” that leaves us with all kinds of questions. Beauty is overall and not just about someone’s face. When you choose to focus on our faces alone, it implies that the rest of our bodies aren’t beautiful. What you meant to be a compliment ends up being hurtful.
- Being compared to other curvy women “You think you’re fat? Look at that girl over there.” Comments like these are usually said innocently oblivious of the damage they’re likely to cause. Comparing the curvy woman you’re dating with other bigger or smaller women is definitely not going to make her smile. It’s even worse if you said this to us on a first date, that might be the last time you ever see or hear from us.
- Blaming everything on our weight Curvy women aren’t supposed to have a headache or even a backache. If we do, the cause must be weight related and therefore they must do something about their weight. There are a thousand reasons why you can get sick that aren’t related to weight. (Maybe all we need is some TLC, a spa day, or a baecation). We deal with this with doctors, which is bad enough, but to deal with it with romantic partners as well is just insulting.
- Questioning our eating habits Curvy women can’t eat our pizza in peace. We’re expected to order a salad on a date; if we do, they’re on a diet fad to help us lose weight. If only we could eat whatever we wanted to without attracting judgy eyes! Also, people wonder what we eat to be that big because, well, we must be eating quite a lot, which is obviously an uninformed assumption.
More things curvy women are tired of experiencing while dating
- Being told to lose weight If you’re going to date a curvy woman, you have to be okay with it. We’re tired of being told to lose weight right, left, and center. The last thing we want is a lover who keeps on rubbing the weight issue in our faces. If we wanted to lose weight, we’d already be doing something about it.
- Picking on our flaws Being curvaceous comes with a package — rolls, cellulite, stretch marks, you name it. Curvy women are already aware of these flaws. Some are comfortable with them, others are still trying to embrace them. Pinpointing the dimples on our thighs and making fun of them isn’t cute at all. It only makes the woman uncomfortable and self-conscious. Even if we’re dating officially, resist the urge to comment about our physical imperfections.
- Being told we’re not fat Plus size women already know that we’re fat, so trying to tell us that we’re not in some bizarre attempt to compliment us is pointless and wrong. We’re not in denial about how we look and you shouldn’t be either. If you can’t accept our weight, that’s your problem, not ours.
- Indirect fat-shaming Curvy women can do stuff. We can run, play basketball, and even do gymnastics. If you’d like to go swimming or jogging with a plus-size woman, ask her to join you. Avoid saying things like, “We could’ve gone out to jog but with your weight, we’ll have to try something else.” That’s not only fat-shaming, it’s ignorant and short-sighted.
- Being fetishized It’s no secret that some people fetishize curvy women. While it’s okay to own your own your fetish, it’s another thing to sexualize a curvy woman you’re seeing or dating. Whatever fantasies you may be having, they’re best kept to yourself unless we directly ask you about them. Curvy women want you to see us beyond our physical appearances.
- Picking the perfect outfit for a date Most people struggle to pick an outfit for their first date, men included. The struggle is, however, on another level for curvy women. Balancing between looking the part and not being too seductive isn’t easy. You want an outfit that is flattering, highlights all the right places, yet is not too revealing. Quite a tough balance, but a girl gotta do what she’s gotta do to impress on a date.
- People thinking we hate our bodies Curvy women aren’t looking for sympathy and assurance. We’re unapologetic about our curves, and the last thing we need is someone trying to cheer us up about our bodies as if we’re feeling down about them in the first place. Also, please don’t offer us diet or fitness advice or tell us how your sister who “used to be fat” lost loads of weight. We’re not interested, so keep it to yourself.
