Being in a long-term relationship has plenty of perks, but there are bound to be complications along the way too. The biggest challenge can oftentimes be communication, especially when it comes to things you may be nervous about sharing with your significant other. If your relationship is a solid one, you should never be afraid to tell your boyfriend any of these 13 things:
You’re not in the mood.
Just a quick PSA, in case it wasn’t obvious: it’s okay to not be in the mood all the time. If your guy is coming onto you and you’re not feeling it, don’t feel like you have to pull out one of the stock excuses — feeling sick, tired, you have work to do, etc. — unless one of those is actually true. Never be afraid to be straight with your S.O. If you’re not, you’ll be trying to fake the entire romp, and you both deserve better than half-ass.
You definitely are in the mood.
Just as important is speaking up when you actually ARE feeling it. You might be nervous to interrupt the Call of Duty session he’s been enjoying on the couch, but trust me, he’ll be thrilled to put down the controller to play with you a little instead.
He hurt your feelings.
Arguments happen and sometimes feelings get hurt. The only way to move past those moments is to be honest about how you’re feeling, especially when your boyfriend asks if you’re alright. Don’t say you’re okay if you’re really not, even if you feel like it’d be easier to just gloss over things. If your partner hurts your feelings, you don’t have to freak out or lie. Calmly tell him what he said that bothered you and if he’s worth your time, he’ll talk it out with you and do his best to correct the situation.
You need more time to yourself.
You’re an independent woman and sometimes you need some “me” time! If you’re feeling a little claustrophobic in the relationship, there’s no need to break things off right away. The answer could be that you just need a little more time to yourself. Don’t be afraid to tell your boyfriend that — just maybe phrase it in a way that doesn’t have him convinced you just broke up with him. Try something like, “You know I love spending time with you, but I’ve really been missing my solo bike rides on Saturday mornings.”
You’re nervous that he’s not texting/calling as frequently.
When you started dating, he was texting you a ton. As time went on, the texting petered off, but that was okay! Your steady relationship was reassurance enough. However, if communication has really dropped off in an unusual way, you should definitely ask your partner what’s up. It could just be that there’s not a ton to talk about, but there’s always that underlying fear that diminished communication could lead to a breakup around the corner.
You’re struggling with your finances.
Your boyfriend always wants to go out to fancy restaurants, see shows, and get drinks after work. Meanwhile, your bank account is weeping. If you’re having a hard time affording his lavish lifestyle, speak up! A simple, “Hey, I’m really sorry, I don’t think I can swing this until my next paycheck comes, but feel free to go with the guys!” is all you need to say. He may offer to pay, so be prepared to respond with how you feel about him grabbing the check more regularly.
He’s doing something in bed that isn’t working.
He thinks that you love your hair being pulled during sex because you asked him to try it one time — little does he know that you hated every minute of it while it was happening. Now he’ll tug on your hair every time, thinking you’re into it, and it always kills the mood for you. I can’t stress enough how important it is that you do say something, otherwise, you could be stuck with this black cloud over your sex life for who knows how long. All it takes is a casual, “You know, that doesn’t really do it for me. But I love it when you…” to get him back on the right track.
He’s doing something in bed that is working.
On the other hand, make sure to praise him whenever he whips out a move that you’re loving. If you want him to do it more often, he’ll need a little verbal encouragement to know that he’s doing something very right.
You have a future in mind and you want him in it.
Don’t ever plan on having kids? Tell him. Interested in getting married one day? Tell him. Want to travel the world or move to LA to pursue an acting career? Tell him! Of course, there can be some secret wishes you keep for yourself, but you should be able to share your hopes and dreams with your BF. That’s especially crucial if they’re future plans that may or may not involve him.
He needs to get his act together when it comes to chores.
It’s 2017 — men and women should be (and in most households, are) responsible for the same amount of chores. If you live with your partner and he’s a bit of a slob, you have to be honest with him. There’s no need to rip him to shreds, but politely tell him where you’d like his help around the apartment/house. Otherwise, the tension stemming from those neglected chores could cause a riff in your relationship.
Things are moving too fast for you.
Sexist generalizations will have you believe that women are always the ones in the relationship who want to take things further. If you’re hooking up, women want a label. If you’re dating, women want a ring. Clearly, that’s all BS. Men can be pushy and want more in relationships too, but if his pace isn’t lining up with the speed you want to be going, it’s crucial that you tell him before things go too far.
There’s a fantasy you want to try bringing to life.
You’ve always wanted to be the horny police officer who’s willing to take sexual favors in exchange for ripping up a speeding ticket. Hot. Don’t be embarrassed to share these fantasies with your partner! Odds are, he’s going to be 100 percent willing to make it happen, as long as you’re happy to return the favor.
You have a crush on someone else.
This one can be hard. It could be a cute co-worker or a long-time friend, but when you realize you’re developing a crush on someone, you shouldn’t be afraid to tell your boyfriend. As long as you assure him that nothing has happened between you two (if something has, that’s a different conversation), it might be the best way to get the guilt off your shoulders. As an added bonus, your guy will most likely seriously appreciate your openness.
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