When you’re in a relationship, you not only want to be with an equal, you want to be with someone who complements you and who makes your life a better place to be. You’re not crazy or demanding for wanting these 13 things to be part of your relationship. You should expect them, actually, and bolt if you don’t get them.
Feeling comfortable in your skin
Yes, this feeling is really up to you to cultivate, but you should be with a partner who allows you to be your crazy, wonderful, amazing, self without feeling like you have to censor yourself. You should be loved for who you are, no exceptions.
Having your own space
You shouldn’t have to compromise or beg for time to yourself! It’s the time when you can focus on who you are as an individual instead of one half of a couple. You’re so much more than that, and you have a right to be with someone who gets and encourages that.
You hurt your elbow and your boyfriend says, “Don’t be such a baby.” That’s not what you deserve. What you need is a partner who will always be a soft place for you to fall. A person who will sympathize with what you’re going through and treat you with kindness as well as respect. That’s not a lot to ask.
You might have lots of sex, but intimacy is a much deeper bond. As Psychology Today reports, “more than just ‘Are you a morning person or a night person?’, genuine intimacy is being familiar with each other’s emotional, vulnerable selves.” You should always have it in your relationship, no matter how much fireworks there are in the bedroom.
If you don’t have trust, you’ve got nothing. If your relationship isn’t built on trust, why are you even wasting your time on it? You’ll never be able to feel happy, stress-free, and secure without it. In the same way that you should be able to trust your partner, he/she should trust you. It has to be a two-way street.
A judgment-free zone
Have you ever dated someone to whom you poured your heart out, only to have your insecurities and vulnerabilities criticized or used against you at a later stage? Yeah, it sucks. Your relationship should be a safe circle. You should feel that you can tell your partner anything and show him/her your deepest, darkest self, without worrying that they’re going to run for the door. It forms part of having relationship security, and everyone deserves that.
A partner who challenges you
“Challenge” doesn’t mean your partner criticizes you so that you change and then tells you it’s for your own good. That’s abusive. A partner who challenges you is one whose positivity rubs off on you, and who supports you so much that you feel you can achieve anything. That said, your partner shouldn’t be afraid to disagree with you and be honest, even if it bruises your ego. The point is that the constructive feedback must always come from a healthy, good place.
Someone who actually texts you back
You should never put up with someone who goes AWOL halfway into conversations, doesn’t reply to your messages, or never initiates communication. Why? Because it’s just going to get worse as your relationship grows. If they claim they’re “not a texter,” dump them right now. If they can’t make an effort with regular texts but texting is an important part of your relationship happiness, then you’re not meant for each other.
You should never feel like your partner isn’t supporting you because they’re too busy competing with you. There’s enough competition out there, you don’t need it at home. Your partner should make you feel that you’re a team, that both of you are equals, and that you want each other to succeed. Anything less just doesn’t cut it.
Someone who’s proud to be with you
If your partner can’t show you off to the world, make your relationship Facebook-official, or introduce you to his family, what’s their deal? You deserve someone who’s so happy and proud to be with you that they want the world to know you’re together. Otherwise, you might as well be alone.
Laughing until it actually hurts
Yes, relationships can be hard work. And yes, they’re not going to be smooth sailing all the time. But damn it, the world is so full of bad news all the time that your relationship really shouldn’t be a source of stress and/or negativity. If you can’t laugh with your partner, what’s the point of being together? In addition, if you have totally different senses of humor, you’re not in sync and you might be settling for less than you deserve. Because yes, you do deserve to belly laugh until your stomach hurts.
Being noticed and acknowledged in your relationship isn’t just about your partner spotting when you’ve got a new haircut. It’s linked to gratitude. Your partner should see the beauty and love that you bring to the relationship, and value you because you’re such a great girlfriend to have. If they can’t do this, they don’t deserve you.
Feeling that if it ends, you’ll be okay
While great relationships are valuable, you should never be in a relationship in which you think that you have to hold onto it because you’re afraid to be alone. You should always feel that you’ll be okay no matter what happens, even if you end up heartbroken and dumped. Knowing that you can depend on yourself and that you’re the master of your own happiness is so important – so much more than finding the right person.
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