We’re living in 2024, but somehow we’re still hanging onto stuff that’s not really all that useful. You know what I mean—those things that stick around like that one friend who doesn’t get the hint that the party’s over. Here’s a collection of things that are still somehow kicking around, even though we definitely don’t need them anymore.
1. Paper Phone Books
Every year, these chunky paper bricks still show up on doorsteps across the country, only to make their way directly to the recycling bin. They’re like those relatives who keep giving you Christmas sweaters—well-meaning but completely out of touch with modern life. Nobody under 40 has ever actually used one to look up a number, and even the people who deliver them probably wonder why they’re still doing it. It’s basically a tree that died to become a doorstop, and honestly, our doors deserve better.
2. DVD Rewinders
Yes, these actually still exist, and no, they don’t make any sense. Some people apparently missed the memo that DVDs don’t need rewinding—they’re not exactly VHS tapes. It’s like someone invented a device to fold your emails or alphabetize your streaming passwords. Yet somehow, you can still buy these things online, proving that marketing can literally sell anything. These gadgets are basically the pet rocks of the digital age.
3. Traditional Alarm Clocks
In a world where every device we own can wake us up, why do we still have those old-school alarm clocks with their angry red numbers? They sit there on nightstands, blinking 12:00 after every power outage like they’re stuck in a time loop from 1985. Your phone can wake you up with your favorite song, but these things still think the best way to start your day is with a sound that’s somewhere between a car alarm and a distressed chicken. Plus, who needs a backup alarm when you’ve got anxiety to wake you up every hour to check the time anyway?
4. Public Pay Phones
These relics of the past are still mounted on walls like museum pieces we can actually use. They’re basically Superman’s least convenient changing room option at this point, collecting dust and probably some interesting science experiments. Most of them don’t even work anymore, but they stick around like that empty coffee cup on your desk that you’re definitely going to take to the kitchen at some point. In an era where toddlers have smartphones, these things are about as practical as a horse parking meter.
5. Physical Shopping Receipts
In 2024, we’re still killing trees to prove we bought a pack of gum. These scrolls of thermal paper are like ancient manuscripts documenting our impulse purchases for future archaeologists. The really fun ones are from CVS, where buying a single chapstick somehow generates enough paper to wallpaper your living room. They fade faster than your New Year’s resolutions, but stores still insist on giving them to you like they’re precious historical documents. And let’s be honest—the only time you actually need one is the one time you said “No receipt, thanks.”
6. Business Cards
We’re all walking around with supercomputers in our pockets that can share contact info in seconds, but somehow we’re still exchanging little pieces of paper. These rectangular tree fragments end up in a drawer somewhere, creating a paper graveyard of networking events past. Everyone’s got that one fancy card holder they bought to look professional, which now serves as a lovely dust collector in their desk drawer. And let’s not forget the awkward dance of trying to get one out of your wallet while holding a coffee and attempting to look smooth.
7. Physical Keys
In a time where our phones can do literally everything else, we’re still carrying around pieces of metal like medieval times never ended. They jangle around in our pockets, scratching our phones and playing hide-and-seek at the most inconvenient moments. Every time you lose them, it’s like a really expensive scavenger hunt that nobody wants to play. We can literally send people to space, but we’re still here copying keys at the hardware store like it’s groundbreaking technology.
8. Daylight Saving Time
This twice-yearly chaos generator is like a government-mandated jet lag program that nobody asked for. We’re all just collectively agreeing to lie to ourselves about what time it is, like time itself is something we can negotiate with. Every spring and fall, we spend a week walking around like confused zombies because someone in 1918 thought it would help with candle savings. Your body clock takes two weeks to adjust, just in time to do it all over again. It’s basically a national experiment in how many people can show up an hour early or late to things twice a year.
9. Password Requirements
The digital equivalent of having to do a secret handshake, spin around three times, and recite the alphabet backward just to check your email. These requirements insist you need a capital letter, number, symbol, hieroglyph, and possibly your first pet’s zodiac sign just to create a password you’ll forget in five minutes. We’ve got fingerprint sensors and face recognition, but websites still want you to remember that your password is “Mr.Whiskers2019!” with the exact punctuation. And don’t even think about using the same password twice—that’s apparently worse than not having one at all.
10. Mail-In Rebates
The customer reward system was designed by people who really hope you’ll forget about it entirely. It’s like a scavenger hunt where the prize is a portion of your own money back, assuming you can find the original receipt, UPC code, and possibly your birth certificate. You have to mail it all in using an actual stamp (remember those?), then wait 8-12 weeks while your rebate application apparently travels by carrier pigeon. The whole process feels like filling out a job application for your own money.
11. QR Code Menus
The pandemic souvenir that just won’t go away, like those sourdough starters everyone abandoned. They’re supposedly more hygienic, but we’re all touching our germy phones anyway. Half the time you have to do a weird dance to get the right angle, only to end up on a website that takes longer to load than it would to recite the entire menu from memory. And heaven help you if you’re in a spot with bad reception—you’ll be staring at a loading screen while your stomach files a formal complaint.
12. Physical Manuals
You know those thick booklets that come with everything you buy, printed in 47 languages you don’t speak? They’re like paper versions of those “terms and conditions” that nobody reads. Most of them are just endless pages of warnings about not using your hairdryer underwater or not eating your USB cable. The real instructions you need are usually buried somewhere between the Latvian and Portuguese sections, and by the time you find them, you’ve already figured it out through YouTube anyway. These tree-wasting packages are basically just extra padding in the box at this point.
13. Printer Paper Margins
Who decided we needed this much empty space around our documents? It’s like having a tiny fence around your words that serves absolutely no purpose. Every time you try to print something that’s slightly too big, you end up with that one orphaned line on a new page, wasting an entire sheet of paper for three words. These margins are like the social distancing rules for text, keeping your words safely apart for no apparent reason. Your printer enforces these boundaries like an overzealous hall monitor, refusing to let anything cross that invisible line.
