13 Things To Remember When Online Dating Is Depressing

While dating can be fun, let’s be real: sometimes it can feel like more drama and trouble than it’s worth. It can be depressing and exhausting, especially when you find yourself at the tail end of a long string of terrible matches on Tinder, Hinge, or whatever your app of choice. While you might feel ready to throw in the towel, take a breath and know that you can make positive changes to your dating routine to make it less torturous. Here are 13 things to remember when online dating is depressing.

  1. You might need to tweak your type. If you’re experiencing terrible dates, could the problem be that you’re dating the same type of toxic guy over and over again? It might help you to date someone different. You know what they say: you can’t get different results if you keep doing the same thing.
  2. You need to stop putting pressure on yourself. If you approach dates with lots of stress and anxiety, this could be putting way too much pressure on yourself. Sooner or later, all that anxiety will cause you to feel low. It can help you to relax before a date, remind yourself if it doesn’t go well it’s no big deal, and try to stop yourself from feeling stressed about finding the perfect person.
  3. You need a dating break asap. This can be exactly what you need to prevent yourself from feeling dating fatigue or depression. If you’re going on multiple dates every week, it can help you to better space them out so you can take some time for yourself. This enables you to process the dates, reset your thoughts, and not feel stressed out. This will also ensure you can keep on living an amazing life that doesn’t depend on the success of your dates.
  4. Remind yourself there are good people out there. Just because you feel like you’ll never meet the right person and find happiness in a relationship again, this shouldn’t mess with your head. There are some crappy people out there, sure, but there are good people too. You’re one of them, after all, so logically there are others.
  5. It takes just one date to find the right guy. If you feel depressed before going on yet another first date, just remember that a great guy could enter your life at any time. It takes one second to meet someone. So, go in there with a curious, positive attitude and see what happens.
  6. Your attitude makes a difference. If you’re stuck on a date with someone and it’s not going well, don’t let this make you feel depressed. Focus on having fun. See the date as an opportunity to meet someone different. At the very least, see the person’s behavior as a lesson in what not to do on a first date. If you’re having fun on the date or you’re enjoying a delicious meal, see those as positives. This will ensure the bad date doesn’t have to ruin your entire day.
  7. Remember, you’re better off single. Hey, if you’re feeling negative or jaded about dating right now, remind yourself that being single is better than if you had to take those lousy first dates into a relationship. So, basically, your situation right now is better than you realize!
  8. You’re not in a race. You might think you have to continue dating, even though it’s making you depressed because otherwise, you won’t find someone and meet all your dating milestones. But that’s ridiculous pressure you don’t need! Everyone’s dating journey is different. You might not meet someone now, but that’s fine. You’re on a different path. When you’re meant to have a healthy relationship you’ll be in one, so don’t stress about it so much.
  9. You might be burning out. Dating burnout is a real thing. If you’re not just depressed but emotionally fatigued, it’s a sign that you need to step out of the dating game for the time being. Setting some healthy boundaries between your dating life and the rest of your life is important, so make sure you have time for things that bring you joy as that will replenish your energy.
  10. Group dates are an option. Although one-on-one dates can be stressful, sometimes group dates feel more relaxed and fun. Hanging out in a group of people, especially if you’re double-dating with one of your besties, can help to mix things up and reduce some of the dating negatives.
  11. You can mix up how you’re dating. If you’re only meeting people on one dating app or you’re always going on coffee dates, you could be feeling depressed about dating because you’re bored with the routine. Do something different the next time you meet someone. Go to a fun cooking class or go for a hike with someone instead of the typical coffee date cliche. Similarly, go on multiple dating apps to meet different people instead of sticking to one app, which can make you feel like you’re wading through the same old dating pool.
  12. Set some deal breakers and stick to them. Sometimes dating feels depressing because you’re going in without knowing what you want. While you might know the type of guy you’re into and are keen on meeting, you need to set dating dealbreakers, the things that you won’t put up with no matter what. These are important because they prevent you from spending too much time on the wrong person, which is depressing in itself.
  13. Don’t allow yourself to wallow after bad dates. Yeah, you had a shitty first date. It happens. It doesn’t mean you should feel terrible about yourself afterward. That’s sure to make dating as a whole feel like a horrible experience when it really doesn’t have to be. You’re in control. You’ve got this, ladies, so focus on finding the fun and don’t let dating rule your entire existence.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.