If you grew up in an environment where deep conversations were rare, curiosity wasn’t encouraged, or questioning things got you in trouble, you might have missed out on key intellectual skills. Maybe you struggle to sit with boredom without reaching for a distraction, or you find yourself deferring to others instead of forming your own opinions. The good news? None of this is set in stone. Your brain is still capable of growth, challenge, and deeper thinking—if you’re willing to put in the effort.
Developing intellectual depth isn’t about sounding smart or memorizing a bunch of facts—it’s about learning how to engage with the world in a more thoughtful, independent way. Whether you find it hard to focus, fear being wrong, or struggle to hold your own in conversations, here are some key things to work on if you want to sharpen your mind and break free from surface-level thinking.
1. Learn How To Sit With Boredom Without Spiraling
Growing up without intellectual stimulation often means you never learned how to just sit with your own thoughts. If your default is to fill every quiet moment with noise—scrolling endlessly, jumping from one distraction to another, or feeling uneasy the second things slow down—it’s time to build your tolerance for boredom. Boredom isn’t the enemy; it’s where creativity, deep thinking, and new ideas come from. But if you’ve never had to deal with it, it can feel unbearable. According to Capsule NZ, studies show that “the benefits of boredom include creativity, problem-solving and better mental health”
Instead of instantly reaching for your phone, try letting yourself sit in that discomfort. Read a book without checking notifications, take a walk without a podcast, or just let your thoughts wander. Over time, you’ll find that boredom isn’t something to escape—it’s something to lean into. The more you practice, the more you’ll realize that some of your best ideas and realizations come when you finally give your brain the space to wander.
2. Trust Your Own Opinions Without Looking For Guidance
If you weren’t encouraged to think critically as a kid, you might default to looking for external validation before forming an opinion. Maybe you wait to see what other people think before deciding where you stand, or you feel uneasy expressing a viewpoint that isn’t backed by a consensus. But real intellectual growth means learning to trust your own thoughts—even when they go against the grain. As reported by The Accountability Partners, critical thinking involves “open-mindedness” and “analysis.”
Start by asking yourself what *you* think before seeking outside input. When reading an article or watching a debate, pause and reflect before looking up someone else’s take. The goal isn’t to be unshakable in your opinions—it’s to develop the confidence to have your own. Over time, you’ll become more comfortable thinking for yourself without needing constant reassurance.
3. Learn To Intellectually Spar, Not Just Argue
There’s a difference between debating ideas and just arguing to be right. If you never learned how to have a respectful, thought-provoking discussion, you might either avoid disagreements altogether or turn every debate into a personal attack. The key to real intellectual sparring is engaging in discussions where both people walk away sharper, not just more frustrated.
Sahil Bloom suggests that an intellectual sparring partner is “a person who is willing and able to question, critique and pressure test your thinking.”
Practice asking questions instead of just countering points. Instead of saying, “That’s wrong,” try, “What makes you think that?” The goal is to challenge ideas, not people. When you approach conversations with curiosity instead of defensiveness, you open the door to real growth. The best discussions aren’t about winning—they’re about learning.
4. Train Your Brain To Focus
If your attention span has been wrecked by years of rapid-fire content, you’re not alone. Growing up without structured intellectual challenges can make it even harder to focus on anything longer than a few minutes. The ability to sit with complex ideas, read long-form content, or concentrate deeply is a skill that takes effort to rebuild. Research cited by Nationwide Children’s Hospital indicates that excessive scrolling can lead to “reduced attention span” and “diminished critical thinking skills,” underscoring the importance of setting digital boundaries.
Start small. Read a few pages of a book without checking your phone. Watch a lecture or documentary without multitasking. Your brain has been trained to crave constant stimulation, but with practice, you can rewire it to handle deeper engagement. Over time, focusing won’t feel like a struggle—it’ll feel like a skill you’ve reclaimed.
5. Know How To Research Beyond A Quick Google Search
Growing up without intellectual stimulation often means you never learned how to really dig into a topic. If your idea of research is typing a question into Google and clicking the first link, it’s time to refine your skills. True research involves exploring multiple sources, questioning credibility, and understanding nuance.
Instead of relying on quick answers, start looking deeper. Read books, check academic sources, and compare different viewpoints. Developing research skills not only makes you more informed but also helps you spot misinformation and recognize when a source is biased. The ability to think critically about information is one of the most valuable skills you can have.
6. Recognize When You’re Just Repeating Someone Else’s Opinion
If you grew up in an environment where questioning things wasn’t encouraged, you might find yourself defaulting to repeating opinions rather than forming your own. Maybe you’ve noticed that your viewpoints shift based on whoever you’re around or that you have strong takes on topics you’ve never actually researched.
The next time you express an opinion, ask yourself, “Do I actually believe this, or am I just repeating something I heard?” Challenge yourself to dig deeper. Read opposing viewpoints, explore different perspectives, and make sure you actually understand what you’re saying. Being able to think for yourself is far more important than sounding smart.
7. Get Comfortable With Being Challenged
If you were never taught how to engage in thoughtful debate, criticism can feel like a personal attack. Maybe you shut down the second someone disagrees with you, or you get defensive when your ideas are questioned. But real intellectual growth comes from being able to handle challenges without feeling threatened.
Instead of seeing disagreement as an attack, view it as an opportunity. Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this perspective?” and resist the urge to dismiss things too quickly. When you get comfortable with pushback, you start to see it as a chance to refine your thinking rather than a battle to win.
8. Stop Assuming Every Smart Person Has More Authority
When you weren’t exposed to intellectual debate growing up, it’s easy to assume that people who sound confident must be right. Maybe you automatically defer to those who seem knowledgeable, assuming that expertise means infallibility. But intelligence and authority aren’t the same thing.
Learn to question even the smartest voices. Just because someone sounds convincing doesn’t mean they’re correct. Cross-check information, look for evidence, and don’t be afraid to think critically—even when the person speaking seems to know their stuff. The smartest thinkers aren’t the ones who blindly follow experts; they’re the ones who question everything.
9. Resist The Urge To Zone Out The Second A Conversation Becomes Complex
When you aren’t used to deep, intellectual conversations, your brain might check out the second things get a little abstract. Maybe you’re fine discussing day-to-day life, but when the topic shifts to philosophy, psychology, or anything that doesn’t have a clear-cut answer, you start mentally drafting your grocery list. It’s not that you don’t care—it’s just that your brain never built the muscle to stay engaged in these kinds of discussions.
Learning to stay present in complex conversations takes practice. Instead of zoning out the second you don’t immediately understand something, challenge yourself to lean in. Ask questions, even if they feel basic. Make connections to things you do understand. The more you engage with abstract ideas, the easier it becomes to follow along and even contribute in a meaningful way.
10. Accept That Some Of Your Core Beliefs Might Be Wrong
If you grew up without much intellectual challenge, chances are you’ve held onto certain beliefs simply because they were never questioned. It can be unsettling to realize that something you’ve believed for years might not be entirely accurate. But one of the biggest signs of intellectual growth is the ability to change your mind when presented with new, better information.
Instead of clinging to old beliefs just because they feel familiar, start examining them more critically. Ask yourself, “Where did this belief come from? Do I actually have evidence for it, or is it just something I absorbed without question?” It’s not about constantly doubting yourself—it’s about making sure your views evolve as you gain more knowledge.
11. Unlearn The Idea That Intelligence Is Just About Memorizing Facts
Maybe you grew up thinking that being smart meant having all the answers. If you weren’t naturally great at trivia or quick recall, you might have assumed that intelligence just wasn’t your thing. But real intellectual depth isn’t about hoarding facts—it’s about knowing how to think, analyze, and connect ideas in meaningful ways.
Instead of worrying about whether you “sound” smart, focus on how you process information. Intelligence is about curiosity, problem-solving, and understanding how things work. Memorizing facts might make you look knowledgeable in the moment, but developing the ability to think critically will serve you in every area of life.
12. Build The Confidence To Ask ‘Dumb’ Questions
If you lacked intellectual stimulation as a kid, you might have learned to keep quiet rather than risk looking foolish. Maybe you hesitate to ask questions because you’re afraid of being judged, or you assume everyone else already knows the answer. But the smartest people in the world got that way by asking questions—lots of them.
Start embracing the idea that there are no dumb questions, only missed opportunities to learn. If something doesn’t make sense, speak up. The more you practice asking questions without fear, the more comfortable you’ll become engaging in discussions without feeling like you have to pretend you know everything.
13. Realize That Changing Your Mind Isn’t A Sign Of Weakness
Many people think that admitting they were wrong means they’ve failed in some way. If you grew up in an environment where stubbornness was mistaken for strength, you might struggle with the idea of shifting your perspective. But refusing to change your mind, even when new evidence is staring you in the face, isn’t confidence—it’s intellectual stagnation.
The most intelligent people aren’t the ones who always stick to their guns. They’re the ones who can say, “You know what? I see this differently now.” Changing your mind when presented with better reasoning or information isn’t a weakness—it’s proof that you’re growing. And at the end of the day, isn’t that the whole point?
