1. “I Always Thought I Was Just Super Shy.”
Part of the “As Told to Bolde” series. Have a story to share? Contact [email protected]
Meet Hannah, 29. She shares that she stopped freezing up and beating herself up after a lifetime of social awkwardness.
“Since early childhood, I’ve struggled with extreme social anxiety. Starting new things, meeting new people, or the spotlight in my direction made me physically sick. As an adult, I’d dread group settings, rehearse responses in my head for upcoming conversations, and do everything not to stand out. I just assumed I was painfully shy until a therapist said I had social anxiety disorder, and a lightbulb went off.
Discovering it wasn’t a personality flaw but an actual disorder made me realize I wasn’t broken, and I wasn’t alone. Through therapy, CBT, exposure exercises, and understanding my triggers, I stopped beating myself up. I still get nervous in social settings, but now that I have a tool kit, I no longer feel powerless.”—Hannah Shay, Portland.
Continue reading to learn more about social anxiety and how to navigate it >>
2. Silence Isn’t Awkward, It’s Comfortable
Extroverts often feel the need to fill every silence with words, but socially awkward people know that comfortable silence is a sign of true friendship. They don’t feel the need to force small talk just to keep the conversation going. The Gottman Institute suggests that “Comfortable silence is a sign of a strong relationship. It indicates a level of comfort where both parties can enjoy each other’s company without the need for constant conversation.”
When they find a friend who understands this—someone they can sit with in peace without worrying about keeping the conversation alive—it’s golden. Silence isn’t awkward when it’s with the right person.
3. You Don’t Need To Talk Every Day To Be Friends
Some people need constant communication to feel close to someone, but socially awkward people thrive in friendships that don’t require daily check-ins. They love friends who understand that they might disappear for a while but still care deeply. Psychology Today notes that “True friendship isn’t about constant communication. It’s about being there for each other when it matters, regardless of how often you talk.
For them, friendship isn’t about frequency—it’s about consistency. A real friend is someone who can pick up right where they left off, no matter how much time has passed.
4. The Best Plans Are The Ones With A Week’s Notice—Minimum
Last-minute invites? No thanks. Socially awkward people need time to mentally prepare themselves for social interactions. Spontaneous plans feel stressful, not exciting. Introvert, Dear explains that “Introverts typically prefer advance notice for social events, ideally at least two or three days ahead, as it allows them time to mentally prepare and conserve energy.”
They appreciate friends who respect their need for a heads-up. When they have time to prepare, they can actually enjoy socializing rather than feeling thrown into it uncomfortably.
5. Flaky Friends Feel Like Personal Rejection, Every Time
When someone cancels plans last-minute, it stings. Even if the excuse is valid, socially awkward people take it personally. They spent time mentally preparing for that social interaction, only to be left hanging.
They don’t just brush it off like nothing. It makes them feel like they weren’t worth the effort, even if that wasn’t the intention. Consistency matters to them, and flaky friendships feel like emotional whiplash.
6. They’d Rather Cancel Plans Than Show Up And Feel Invisible
Few things are worse than showing up to a social event and feeling completely out of place. For socially awkward people, the fear of being ignored or struggling to fit into group dynamics can be overwhelming. They’re not necessarily shy—they just don’t want to feel like an afterthought. If they suspect that they’ll be standing on the sidelines while everyone else effortlessly mingles, they’d rather avoid the discomfort altogether.
They’re not seeking attention, but they do want to feel like they belong. If they’re going to attend a gathering, they need to know their presence matters. Otherwise, the idea of staying home with a book or a favorite show sounds far more appealing than the emotional drain of forcing their way into a social space where they don’t feel welcome.
7. They Notice When Friends Don’t Reciprocate Effort—And They Remember
Socially awkward people might not be the loudest in the room, but they’re incredibly observant. They notice when they’re the only ones initiating conversations, when their messages go unanswered, or when their presence seems unimportant. They don’t demand constant attention, but they do pay close attention to the energy being exchanged in a friendship.
They may not confront people about it, but they quietly adjust their own behavior in response. If a friendship feels one-sided for too long, they won’t chase after someone who doesn’t put in the effort. Instead of creating drama or begging for inclusion, they’ll simply withdraw. And when they do, it’s not out of spite—it’s because they’ve learned to protect their energy from relationships that don’t value them equally.
8. Being Alone Isn’t Lonely When You Actually Like Yourself
Extroverts often assume that spending time alone is inherently sad, but for socially awkward people, solitude is a safe haven. They don’t view being alone as something to be pitied—it’s a choice, not a consequence. They’ve learned to enjoy their own company, finding comfort in hobbies, creative pursuits, or simply the quiet of their own thoughts.
For them, true loneliness isn’t about the absence of people—it’s about being around the wrong ones. They’d rather sit in silence by themselves than force interactions that feel draining or performative. When they do engage in friendships, it’s because they genuinely want to—not because they feel pressured to fill an empty space in their lives.
9. Making A Friend Is Hard—Keeping One Feels Even Harder
Breaking the initial barrier of making a friend is already a daunting task, but for socially awkward people, maintaining that friendship can feel like an ongoing challenge. They worry about overstepping boundaries, reaching out too much, or seeming needy. The social cues that come naturally to others often require more effort for them to navigate.
They don’t take friendships for granted because they know how rare genuine connections can be. The fear of being forgotten or gradually phased out is real, and it can make them hesitant to fully relax in relationships. When they do find a friend who puts in equal effort, they hold onto that bond tightly—because for them, consistency in friendship is the ultimate sign of trust.
10. Sitting In Silence Together Is Sometimes Better Than “Filling The Void”
Some people feel uncomfortable with silence and rush to fill every moment with conversation, but socially awkward people don’t see quiet moments as a bad thing. They value friendships where they don’t feel the need to constantly be “on.” A friend who can just sit beside them, whether watching a movie, reading, or even just existing in the same space, is worth more than one who demands constant chatter.
The best friendships are the ones where silence feels natural rather than awkward. They appreciate people who understand that sometimes, companionship isn’t about talking—it’s about being present. If they’ve found a friend who doesn’t pressure them into unnecessary small talk just to fill space, they know they’ve found someone special.
11. They Appreciate Friends Who Understand That They’re Socially Awkward
Nothing feels better than having a friend who just *gets it*—someone who doesn’t pressure them to “come out of their shell,” who understands their quirks, and who knows that socializing can sometimes be exhausting. The best friendships for socially awkward people aren’t the ones filled with constant outings and group plans—they’re the ones built on patience, understanding, and mutual respect.
They don’t need a friend who pushes them to be more social; they need one who accepts them exactly as they are. The best kind of friendships aren’t about constant interaction but about knowing that even if they disappear for a while, that connection will still be there when they come back.
12. Friendship Breakups Feel Worse Than Romantic Breakups
For socially awkward people, losing a friend is devastating in a way that romantic breakups often aren’t. When they invest in a friendship, it’s because they genuinely believe in that connection. They take time to trust, to open up, and to build a meaningful bond—so when it ends, it feels like a piece of their world has shifted.
Unlike romantic relationships, which usually have a clear breakup conversation, friendships often fade away without explanation. That uncertainty makes it even harder to process. They’re left wondering what went wrong, whether they could have done something differently, and whether they’ll ever be able to fully trust another friend again. Losing a friend isn’t just painful—it’s a reminder of how difficult it is to form connections in the first place.
