13 Ways Settling In Love Will Totally Screw Up Your Life

Settling might seem like an easy (and tempting) thing to do, especially after going on one too many disastrous dates. However, it actually takes a lot of work to tune out your desires and “make do” with the relationship you’re in. It’s just not worth it and comes with some nasty consequences.

  1. You don’t get the relationship you want. You wanted a guy who was chivalrous, kind and made you feel a spark. You got with a guy who’s selfish and makes you feel as excited as a piece of wet cardboard. Why settle? You’ll never be able to turn Mr. Average into Mr. Charming, so you’re wasting your time on him.
  2. You miss out on a better guy. There might be worse guys out there, but there are also better guys. If you settle for the one you’re with who isn’t doing it for you, you miss out on the chance to have your needs met. Isn’t it better to take the chance to find a guy who will do that for you instead of sabotaging yourself?
  3. You won’t be happy. In fact, you’ll probably be miserable. You might promise your friends you’re happy with the guy, but you won’t really be happy in your heart of hearts. Why fake it? Rather face the truth that you’re not happy — it’s the first step in getting out of the relationship and finding your happiness.
  4. You have single woman envy. When you’re in an unsatisfying relationship, it’s common to wish you were single again because you’d have the freedom to date, have fun doing whatever you want, and so on. But because you’re afraid of being alone, you might stick with your partner. The result? You’re envious, dreaming of a better life, but not taking the leap to make it happen. It’s like watching life from the sidelines. It sucks.
  5. You waste your time. You might be with the guy for months or even years. Whoa, talk about a lot of time gone down the drain. It could have been better spent doing something you love instead of sharing a bed with someone who’s just “okay.” Screw that. Life’s too short.
  6. You might stray. After being with someone who doesn’t do it for you for a long time, something’s got to give. Your ability to pretend to be really happy or fool yourself into thinking things will get better will start to wear thin. But since you don’t want to leave the relationship, you might end up finding your spark elsewhere while still sticking with the guy. Hello, cheating. Affairs are never worth it because they’re just a distraction, not a solution.
  7. You become jaded. You’re sure to become cynical about love and jaded about finding the perfect guy for you. You might believe that you have to make the relationship work because there’s no one better for you out there. But love shouldn’t be something that makes you feel so crap about it and yourself. If it’s doing that, then the “love” you’re in is toxic.
  8. You miss out on the fun of flying solo. Although you fear being single, it can help you have the best time of your life. By getting out of the relationship, you can do so much more with your life because you’re no longer limited. Most importantly, you’re not depending on someone else to make you happy and getting disappointed over and over again.
  9. You forget you’re worth more. You really don’t deserve to be in a mediocre relationship. You deserve a relationship that makes you feel alive and like the best person you can be. Settling for an average love means that you’re cutting yourself down instead of building yourself up. You’ll lose important things in the process, like your self-esteem and happiness.
  10. Relationship demands feel worse. Relationships require compromise, which can sometimes be tough, but they become even tougher when you’re in a relationship you don’t really like. Soon, everything you need to do in the relationship becomes such a mission. That’s no way to live.
  11. You make excuses for the guy and why you’re with him. You might say, “At least he isn’t a bad man” for why you’re still dating him or insist that you could have done worse than him. But isn’t it bad enough that you have to use such excuses? It’s like you’re trying to ignore your emotions, which just keeps you imprisoned in your unhappiness. 
  12. Your “rough patch” never ends. Perhaps your relationship was great but then it hit a rough patch. Now it’s been months and it doesn’t look like the relationship or your partner is going to change. Still, you hold on. The problem is that the so-called rough patch is never going to end. The rough patch is your relationship. The only way to deal is to get out, otherwise you’re basically stuck in misery. You don’t need that.
  13. You screw up your future. If you remain in this relationship, you give up control of your future. You might think you can still lead the life you want even though you’re in an unhappy relationship but it’s easier said than done. Unhappy relationships are tiring AF and bring drama to your life while zapping your self-esteem. That’s no foundation from which to embark on an exciting future. It’s time to cut your losses and thrive.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.