One day you’re madly in love, the next you’re both scrolling through your phones while “watching” Netflix together, barely exchanging words beyond “Did you pay the internet bill?” But before you resign yourself to relationship zombiehood, there’s hope. Here are the ways to rescue your relationship from the jaws of boredom before it drains the last drops of joy from your soul.
1. Invent A Ridiculous Holiday Only You Two Celebrate
Forget Valentine’s Day or anniversaries—those are amateur hour. You need a holiday so bizarre that Hallmark would never touch it with a ten-foot pole. Maybe it’s commemorating your first major fight and make-up, or celebrating the day your cat finally stopped hating your partner. Pick something meaningful but absurdly specific to your relationship.
Create traditions around this day that make absolutely no sense to anyone else—special foods, weird activities, or ridiculous gifts that reference inside jokes. The more elaborate and nonsensical to outsiders, the better. There’s something powerfully bonding about having a celebration that’s completely yours, a day when you both acknowledge: “Yes, we’re weird together, and we’re proud of it.” Plus, it gives you something to look forward to that doesn’t involve arguing about whose family to visit during “real” holidays.
2. Schedule Mystery Dates
Remember when dates involved actual surprises instead of the weekly “I don’t know, what do YOU want to do?” conversation? Time to bring that back with scheduled mystery dates. Each of you takes turns planning an entire outing—from start to finish—with the other person knowing absolutely nothing about what’s coming. No hints, no clues, nothing.
The beauty here isn’t just the surprise element (which shows you’re willing to go the extra mile, according to Bumble); it’s seeing what your partner thinks you’ll enjoy, which can be surprisingly touching (or hilariously off-base). Either way, it’s information. The planning partner gets the satisfaction of watching their scheme unfold, while the mystery-experiencing partner gets to temporarily abandon adult responsibility. You might discover something new about each other, even if it’s just “wow, you really thought I’d enjoy competitive axe throwing?” Sometimes being wrong together is just as valuable as being right.
3. Share Controversial Opinions
We’re not talking politics or religion (unless you’re feeling particularly brave). This is about those weird, quirky opinions you’ve been secretly harboring but haven’t shared because they’re too trivial to bring up naturally. Does your partner think cereal is actually soup? Do you believe that socks with sandals are actually fashion-forward? Time to let these controversial takes fly.
Set some ground rules—no judgment, lots of questions, and mandatory wine or snacks to ease the process. The goal isn’t to agree but to be fascinated by each other again. There’s something intimate about sharing the strange corners of your mind, the thoughts that make you uniquely you. Plus, discovering your partner has believed something utterly bizarre for the entirety of your relationship can reignite that sense of mystery. Just when you thought you knew everything about them, they reveal they’ve always believed dolphins are actually aliens conducting research on humans.
4. Create A Relationship Bucket List
Forget individual bucket lists—according to Marriage.com, this is about creating shared goals that give your relationship direction and anticipation. Sit down together and dream big: what experiences do you want to share before one of you kicks the bucket? Include everything from the ambitious (visit Japan during cherry blossom season) to the wonderfully mundane (try every ice cream shop within 50 miles).
The magic happens when you start actively checking items off, creating a visible record of your adventures together. Make sure to include some easily achievable short-term goals along with those distant dreams, so you get regular wins. There’s something powerful about saying, “Remember when we said we’d do that crazy thing? Well, today’s the day.” It’s hard to feel bored when you’re plotting your next conquest together.
5. Break Your Routine With 24-Hour Role Reversal
You’ve probably fallen into relationship patterns so predictable you could perform them in your sleep. One of you always cooks while the other cleans; one drives while the other navigates; one plans social events while the other handles finances. For one full day, completely switch roles—all of them. The morning routine planner becomes the snooze-button hitter; the decision-maker becomes the go-with-the-flow partner.
Walking in your partner’s relationship shoes for a day can generate both hilarity and genuine appreciation. You’ll gain insight into their daily experience, which might explain behaviors you’ve been misinterpreting for years. At minimum, you’ll both get a kick out of how badly you handle each other’s responsibilities. At best, you might discover more equitable ways to share your life or understand why certain things matter so much to your partner.
6. Take A Class That Terrifies You Both
Comfort and security are relationship goals, but too much comfort creates stagnation. Sign up for a class that makes both of you slightly nervous—aerial silks, public speaking, wilderness survival, or even something simple like cooking a cuisine completely foreign to you. The key is mutual intimidation; it should be something neither of you would brave alone.
When you’re both beginners fumbling through something challenging, several relationship magic tricks happen simultaneously. You develop new respect for each other, create fresh conversation material, and form bonds through shared vulnerability. There’s nothing like mutual embarrassment to remind you you’re on the same team. The resulting stories become relationship folklore—”Remember when you nearly set the cooking school on fire trying to make that soufflé?” These shared experiences of planned discomfort create stronger connections than another night of comfortable routine ever could.
7. Revisit Places From The Early Days
There’s powerful relationship alchemy in physically returning to where it all began. Visit your first date location, the place where you met, or spots from your early courtship—but with a twist. Don’t just passively reminisce; become investigators of your own past. What did you notice about each other then that you’ve forgotten? What hopes did you have? What fears? What’s better or worse than you expected?
The magic comes from contrasting your current reality with those early expectations. Sometimes you’ll realize you’ve achieved dreams you’d forgotten you shared; other times you’ll rediscover aspects of your relationship that got lost along the way. Either can be illuminating. The physical location serves as a time machine of sorts, making abstract memories tangible again. You might be surprised how quickly you remember why you chose each other in the first place—according to Psychology Today, nostalgia has a way of promoting a sense of commitment.
8. Develop Secret Signals Only You Two Understand
In a world of obvious communication, there’s something thrilling about creating your own covert language. Develop a series of subtle gestures, code words, or expressions that convey specific messages only your partner understands. Maybe tucking your hair behind your left ear means “save me from this conversation,” or mentioning a specific movie title means “I want to leave in the next ten minutes.”
These signals create a sense of conspiracy between you—a private world existing right in the open. As The Times explains, they’re particularly useful (and relationship-saving) during social events, family gatherings, or work functions. There’s something uniquely bonding about exchanging a seemingly innocent glance across a room that actually communicates volumes. In a world where so much of our lives is public, these private communications become precious territory that belongs only to you two.
9. Create A “Yes Day”
Channel your inner Jim Carrey and establish a “Yes Day” where, within reason and pre-established boundaries, neither of you can turn down the other’s suggestions. Want to have ice cream for breakfast? Yes. Feel like spontaneously driving two hours to see that weird roadside attraction? Yes. Want to finally try that position from page 57? Yes (assuming it’s physically possible and won’t result in ER visits).
The beauty of Yes Day is that it liberates you both from the relationship rut of practicality and responsibility. For 24 glorious hours, the voice of reason takes a backseat to spontaneity and desire. The only rule is that requests shouldn’t cause lasting harm (financial, physical, or emotional). Sometimes the smallest, silliest requests reveal what they’ve been missing. Plus, you both get to experience the rush of having your whims taken seriously, creating a day that’s memorable.
10. Get Lost Together On Purpose
In our GPS-dominated world, we’ve lost the art of getting gloriously, accidentally lost. Plan a day trip where you deliberately ditch the maps, take random turns, and see where you end up. Set some basic parameters (maybe stay within a certain radius of home or bring enough cash for emergencies), but otherwise, embrace the unknown together.
Getting physically lost creates a unique shared challenge that activates dormant relationship dynamics. Suddenly you’re problem-solving together, making discoveries, and having experiences neither of you planned. There’s something exhilarating about not knowing what’s around the next corner. You’ll either find delightful hidden gems or hilariously disappointing dead ends—both make for great stories. The temporary suspension of control and certainty creates a bubble where your relationship exists outside its usual context. Sometimes you need to not know where you are to remember who you are together.
11. Institute “Conversation Jar” Nights
That comfortable silence between you? It might not be as comfortable as you think. Create a jar filled with conversation starters that go beyond the usual “How was your day?” questions. Think provocative, thoughtful prompts: “What’s something you’ve changed your mind about recently?” or “What would you attempt if you knew you couldn’t fail?” or even “What’s a secret talent you have that I still don’t know about?”
Commit to regular nights where phones go away, the TV stays off, and you pull questions from the jar. The structure eliminates the pressure of spontaneously generating meaningful conversation while ensuring you actually connect. The best relationship conversations happen when both people feel safe enough to be surprising. You might think you know all your partner’s answers after years together, but people are constantly evolving—often without announcing these changes. The conversation jar creates space to discover the new versions of each other that are emerging right under your noses.
12. Inject Playful Competition
Nothing shakes off relationship complacency quite like the threat of playful defeat. Establish ongoing competitions between you, whether it’s beating each other’s step counts, mastering a video game, or seeing who can make the other laugh first in serious situations. The key is finding contests where you’re evenly matched or alternating activities where each of you excels at different things.
The friendly rivalry creates a tension that’s often missing in established relationships. There’s something oddly attractive about seeing your partner’s competitive side emerge—that flash of determination, the trash talk, the focus. Plus, the winner’s smugness and the loser’s demand for rematches create ongoing narrative threads in your relationship. Just remember: the goal isn’t winning but creating energetic engagement. The moment someone starts genuinely sulking, you’ve missed the point.
13. Ban Phones During Quality Time
Your phone is the silent third wheel in your relationship, and it’s not bringing anything useful to the table. Establish strict no-phone zones and times: during meals, on date nights, in the bedroom, or for the first hour after coming home from work. This isn’t about punishing technology use; it’s about creating protected space where you’re genuinely available to each other.
The initial withdrawal symptoms might surprise you, revealing just how unconsciously you both reach for your devices. That slight discomfort is precisely the point. Without the constant distraction of newsfeeds and notifications, you’re forced to actually be where you are and with who you’re with. Conversations expand beyond quick updates, silence becomes an opportunity rather than a void to fill, and you remember what it’s like to have your partner’s complete attention. There’s something powerfully affirming about being looked at—really looked at—instead of being glanced at between scrolls.
