]Look, making and keeping friends as an adult is already tough enough without us getting in our own way. If you’ve been feeling like your social life isn’t quite what it could be, you might be doing some stuff to sabotage it without realizing. Don’t worry, we’ve all been there—let’s break down these habits so we can actually do something about them.
1. You’re Playing the Waiting Game
Come on, be honest—how many times have you waited for someone else to make the first move? You’re sitting there, hoping your work buddy will invite you to happy hour, or waiting for your neighbor to suggest a coffee date. Meanwhile, you’ve got about fifteen potential hangouts living rent-free in your head that you haven’t actually suggested to anyone. The truth is, everyone’s playing this same waiting game, thinking someone else will take the initiative. You’re basically in a Mexican standoff of social anxiety, and guess what? Nobody wins.
2. You’re Over-Relying on Social Media
Let’s talk about how you think keeping up with friends’ Instagram stories counts as maintaining friendships. Sure, you know what Julia had for breakfast and that Andrew’s kid lost another tooth, but when was the last time you actually had a real conversation with either of them? You’re double-tapping posts like it’s your job, but somehow can’t find the energy to send an actual text or make real plans. Social media is making you feel connected while actually keeping you in a bubble of passive observation.
3. You’re Playing the “Too Busy” Card (Even to Yourself)
Oh, the classic “I’m too busy” excuse—we need to talk about this one. You keep telling yourself (and others) that you’ll be more social “when things calm down at work” or “after this project is done.” But there’s always going to be another deadline, another project, another reason to stay in. You’re treating your social life like it’s optional, something to get to after everything else is perfect, which spoiler alert—never happens. Meanwhile, somehow you still find time to watch entire seasons of shows in one weekend.
4. You’re Setting Unrealistic Friendship Standards
Maybe you’ve been watching too many sitcoms because your expectations for friendships are more dramatic than a season finale. You’re waiting for that perfect squad who’ll drop everything for impromptu brunches and have the exact same interests as you. When you meet new people, you’re mentally comparing them to this impossible standard before giving them a real chance. Real friendships aren’t perfect—they’re messy, sometimes awkward, and take time to develop. Your “all or nothing” approach is leaving you with, well, nothing.
5. You’re Letting Past Social Disappointments Haunt You
That one time three years ago when nobody showed up to your dinner party? Yeah, you’re still not over it. Or maybe it was that friend who ghosted you, or that group that didn’t invite you to something. These past social wounds are making you gun-shy about putting yourself out there again. You’re treating these isolated incidents like they’re prophecies about all future social interactions. It’s like having one bad date and deciding to become a hermit—a bit of an overreaction, don’t you think?
6. You’re Making Excuses About Location
You’ve convinced yourself that your location is the problem—if only you lived in a different city, neighborhood, or apartment building, your social life would magically improve. You’re using your geography as an excuse to stay isolated, claiming it’s just too far to meet up with people or that there’s nothing to do in your area. Meanwhile, you haven’t even tried the coffee shop around the corner or checked out local meetup groups. You’re blaming your zip code for problems that have more to do with your comfort zone.
7. You’re Hiding Behind Your Introversion
Being an introvert has become your get-out-of-socializing-free card. Yes, you need alone time to recharge—that’s valid. But you’re using it as a blanket excuse to avoid any social situation that might push you slightly out of your comfort zone. You’re treating your introversion like it’s a social allergy instead of just a preference for how you spend your energy. There’s a difference between respecting your needs and using them as a shield against connection.
8. You’re Playing the Comparison Game (And Losing)
Stop scrolling through social media for a second and let’s talk about how you’re comparing your social life to everyone else’s highlight reel. Every group photo you see makes you feel like you’re missing out on some secret society of friendship that everyone else got invited to. What you’re forgetting is that nobody posts pictures of their lonely Friday nights or rejected invitations. You’re measuring your normal, real-life social situation against a carefully curated montage of everyone else’s best moments, and that’s a game you’ll never win.
9. You’re Overthinking Every Social Interaction
Let’s get real about your post-social interaction analysis sessions. You’re spending more time reviewing conversations in your head than actually having them. That casual “Hey, we should grab coffee sometime” exchange from two weeks ago? You’re still debating whether you should follow up or if it was just polite small talk. Every potential hangout becomes a strategic military operation in your mind, complete with contingency plans and escape routes. You’re treating social interactions like they’re chess matches when sometimes they’re just tic-tac-toe.
10. You’re Letting Your Phone Be a Social Crutch
Your phone has become your security blanket in social situations, and we need to address t it. The moment there’s a lull in conversation or you’re feeling slightly uncomfortable, you’re diving into your emails like they’re suddenly fascinating. You’re using your phone as a force field against potential social interactions, even while complaining about wanting to meet new people. It’s like wearing a “Do Not Disturb” sign around your neck and then wondering why nobody’s talking to you.
11. You’re Letting Fear of Rejection Run the Show
Let’s be honest about how much power you’re giving to potential rejection. You’re not suggesting group activities because someone might say no. You’re not joining that club because people might already have their friend groups established. You’re letting the fear of “what if they don’t like me” stop you from even trying. The irony is that by trying to protect yourself from rejection, you’re basically rejecting yourself first.
12. You’re Not Being Clear About Your Intentions
You’re doing this weird dance where you hint at wanting to hang out but never actually make concrete plans. “We should totally get together sometime!” has become your catchphrase, but you never follow it up with an actual date and time. You’re stuck in this limbo of theoretical friendships that never materialize into real ones. It’s like you’re window shopping for social connections without ever making a purchase.
13. You’re Letting Adult Life Be Your Eternal Excuse
You’ve bought into this idea that being “too adult” means you can’t have an active social life. Work, responsibilities, maybe kids or a relationship—you’re using all of these as reasons why you can’t prioritize friendships. You’ve convinced yourself that having a busy adult life and having a social life are mutually exclusive. The truth is, everyone’s dealing with these same challenges, some people just make friendship a priority despite them.
