People who are struggling emotionally often hide their pain beneath the surface, making it difficult for those around them to notice what they’re going through. Instead of reaching out, they might show subtle signs that something isn’t right—small changes in their behavior that hint at deeper struggles. Recognizing these hidden behaviors can help you offer support and compassion when someone needs it most.
1. They Take Days To Respond To Your Texts
When someone who used to reply quickly starts taking days to respond, it can be a sign that they’re emotionally overwhelmed. Responding to messages might feel like too much effort, especially if they’re dealing with anxiety, depression, or emotional fatigue. Even simple conversations can feel exhausting, leading them to delay replies or avoid them altogether. According to Psychology Today, delayed responses to texts can be a sign of emotional overwhelm or mental health struggles.
It’s not that they don’t care—they’re often consumed by their thoughts or struggling to find the energy to engage. They might worry that their replies will come across as distant or forced, so they avoid responding until they feel more capable. Unfortunately, this can create a cycle of isolation, as delayed responses may lead others to assume they’re uninterested or distant.
2. They Zone Out When You’re Talking To Them
People who are silently suffering often find it hard to stay present in conversations. Their minds are weighed down with worries, sadness, or intrusive thoughts, making it difficult to focus on what others are saying. Even if they’re physically present, their mental energy might be consumed by internal struggles. The American Psychological Association reports that difficulty concentrating and appearing distracted are common symptoms of anxiety and depression.
You might notice that they seem to zone out, miss key parts of the conversation, or respond with vague or delayed answers. It’s not that they don’t care about what you’re saying—they’re simply fighting an internal battle that makes it hard to engage fully. They may also feel guilty for being distracted, which only adds to their emotional burden.
3. They Sneak Off Early From Events
When someone is struggling, social events can feel overwhelming, even if they once enjoyed being around others. The pressure to appear happy and engaged can be draining, leading them to leave early to escape the emotional toll. They might quietly slip away without saying goodbye, hoping to avoid questions or drawing attention to their departure. As noted by Mental Health America, leaving social events early or avoiding them altogether can be a warning sign of mental health issues.
This behavior often stems from a desire to avoid the discomfort of pretending everything is fine. Being around others can amplify feelings of loneliness or disconnection, making it harder to maintain a cheerful facade. Sneaking off early allows them to retreat to a space where they can be alone with their thoughts, without the pressure to put on a brave face.
4. They Over-Use Sarcasm And Dark Humor
Humor can be a coping mechanism, and for those who are suffering in silence, sarcasm or dark humor often becomes a way to mask their pain. By making light of their struggles, they can deflect attention from their true emotions while maintaining a sense of control over how others perceive them. It’s a way of expressing their feelings without having to confront them directly. Research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology suggests that dark humor can serve as a coping mechanism for those dealing with difficult situations or emotions.
Dark humor can also serve as a way to test whether others notice their pain. Jokes about feeling hopeless, being overwhelmed, or not seeing the point of things might seem like casual remarks, but they often hint at deeper struggles. Unfortunately, these comments are easy to dismiss as jokes, allowing their pain to go unnoticed.
5. They Laugh It Off When You Ask How They “Really” Are
When someone is suffering in silence, being asked how they’re doing can feel overwhelming. They might laugh it off or respond with humor to avoid opening up about their true feelings. This reaction is often a defense mechanism—acknowledging their pain can feel too vulnerable, so they deflect with jokes or lighthearted comments to steer the conversation away from their emotions.
This behavior doesn’t mean they don’t want support—it’s often a sign that they’re unsure how to accept it. They might worry about being a burden or fear that others won’t understand what they’re going through. By laughing it off, they create a barrier that protects them from the discomfort of opening up.
6. They Seem Tired And Distant
Emotional distress often takes a toll on the body, leaving people feeling constantly tired, even if they’re getting enough sleep. The mental energy required to manage anxiety, depression, or grief can be exhausting, making it difficult to stay engaged and alert. As a result, they may seem distant or disconnected, struggling to muster the energy to interact with others.
This fatigue can manifest in subtle ways: slower responses, difficulty focusing, or a general sense of lethargy. They might seem less enthusiastic about things they used to enjoy, or their body language might convey exhaustion—slumped shoulders, heavy sighs, or a lack of eye contact. Even small tasks can feel overwhelming when they’re battling emotional fatigue.
7. Their Eating Habits Have Noticeably Changed
Changes in eating habits are a common sign of emotional distress. Some people lose their appetite when they’re struggling, while others turn to food for comfort, leading to overeating. These shifts often happen unconsciously, making it hard for the person to recognize that their behavior has changed.
Skipping meals, eating at odd hours, or gravitating toward unhealthy foods can all be signs that someone is using food to cope with emotional pain. On the other hand, a sudden loss of interest in food might indicate feelings of hopelessness or a lack of motivation to take care of themselves. Both extremes can have a significant impact on their physical and mental health.
8. They’re Constantly Complaining About Physical Pain
Emotional distress often manifests as physical symptoms, including headaches, muscle tension, stomachaches, and fatigue. People who are suffering in silence might frequently mention these aches and pains, unaware that their emotional state is contributing to their physical discomfort.
Chronic stress and anxiety can cause muscle tension, leading to headaches, back pain, and jaw clenching. Depression, on the other hand, can slow down the body’s processes, causing fatigue, digestive issues, and a general sense of heaviness. These physical symptoms are often easier to talk about than emotional pain, so people may focus on their physical discomfort without mentioning the underlying cause.
9. They’re Doomscrolling Every Time You See Them
Constantly scrolling through negative news or social media—often referred to as “doomscrolling”—can be a sign that someone is struggling emotionally. While it’s normal to stay informed, excessive consumption of distressing content can worsen anxiety and feelings of hopelessness, creating a cycle that’s hard to break.
People who are suffering in silence might turn to doomscrolling as a way to distract themselves from their own thoughts. The constant stream of information provides a temporary escape, even if the content itself is upsetting. Unfortunately, this habit often leaves them feeling more anxious and overwhelmed, reinforcing their negative emotions.
10. They Get Really Annoyed Over Silly Things
When someone is emotionally overwhelmed, their ability to manage everyday stressors becomes compromised. Small inconveniences that they would normally brush off—like a slow internet connection or a spilled drink—can trigger disproportionate frustration. This heightened sensitivity often stems from the emotional energy they’re using to cope with their internal struggles, leaving little patience for external challenges.
This irritability is a common symptom of both anxiety and depression. The constant strain of managing difficult emotions can leave people feeling on edge, making it harder to regulate their reactions. They might snap at others, seem impatient, or overreact to minor setbacks, leaving those around them confused or hurt.
11. They Won’t Look You In The Eyes
Eye contact can feel intensely vulnerable, especially when someone is struggling emotionally. Avoiding eye contact is often a way to hide their true feelings, as they fear that others might see through their facade. It can also be a sign of shame or low self-esteem, making it difficult for them to meet the gaze of others without feeling exposed.
This behavior is common in people dealing with anxiety, depression, or feelings of worthlessness. They might worry that their pain is visible or that others will judge them for not having it all together. Avoiding eye contact allows them to maintain a sense of control over how they’re perceived, even if it creates distance in their relationships.
12. They Compulsively Fidget When They’re Talking
Fidgeting—like tapping their fingers, shifting in their seat, or playing with objects—can be a sign that someone is feeling anxious or emotionally overwhelmed. These small movements often serve as a way to release nervous energy or distract themselves from uncomfortable thoughts and feelings.
People who are struggling might fidget more when discussing sensitive topics or when they feel exposed. The physical act of fidgeting provides a sense of control, helping them manage their anxiety and stay grounded in the moment. However, it can also be a sign that they’re struggling to express their true emotions, using physical movement as a way to cope with internal discomfort.
13. They’re More Forgetful Than Usual
Emotional distress can affect cognitive function, making it harder to concentrate, remember things, and stay organized. People who are struggling might forget appointments, miss deadlines, or lose track of conversations, even if they’re usually reliable and detail-oriented. This forgetfulness often stems from the mental fatigue that comes with managing difficult emotions.
When someone is emotionally overwhelmed, their brain has less capacity to process and retain information. Constant worry, sadness, or stress can consume their mental energy, leaving little room for everyday tasks and responsibilities. As a result, they might seem scatterbrained, distracted, or unreliable, even though they’re doing their best to keep up.
