14 of the Toughest Things About Being a Carer to a Parent with Dementia

14 of the Toughest Things About Being a Carer to a Parent with Dementia

Caring for a parent with dementia isn’t something you can fully prepare for. It’s raw, exhausting, and so much more than just helping with daily tasks. You’re grieving, loving, and coping all at once, often without a road map. It’s tough, and anyone who tells you otherwise hasn’t been there. These 14 challenges highlight just how hard it can be—but also why your efforts matter so much, even on the days when it doesn’t feel like it.

1. They Start Forgetting Who You Are

One day, they don’t recognize your face, and it feels like the ground shifts beneath you. It’s gut-wrenching—like losing them in slow motion. You know it’s the disease, but that doesn’t make it hurt less. Sometimes, they remember a small detail, like a nickname or a shared memory, and you cling to it. Those moments remind you that their love for you is still there, even if their mind is playing tricks on them.

2. You Feel Like You’re Losing Yourself

Being a carer becomes your whole identity, and suddenly, there’s no space left for “you.” Your hobbies, friendships, and downtime slip away because there’s always something to do for them. It’s not that you don’t want to help, but you have to admit that it’s overwhelming. Even carving out 10 minutes to read a book or call a friend feels impossible some days, but those little moments are lifelines. You’re more than just their carer, and it’s okay to reclaim that.

3. The Guilt Is Relentless

There’s guilt when you lose your patience. Guilt when you take a break. Guilt when you wonder if you’re doing enough. It’s like a shadow that follows you everywhere. But the truth is that you’re doing your best in a situation that’s beyond hard. It’s okay to feel tired. It’s okay to mess up. The love you’re showing them through your care says more than any fleeting frustration ever could.

4. Every Day Feels Unpredictable

Dementia doesn’t follow rules. One day, they’re chatty and cheerful, the next, they’re confused or upset over something that doesn’t make sense. It’s like living in a constant state of “what now?” Adapting to their shifting reality is exhausting, but meeting them where they are—whether it’s playing along with a memory from 30 years ago or calming them through confusion—can make things smoother. Flexibility is your superpower, even when it feels impossible.

5. The Physical Toll Is Real

Helping someone dress, bathe, or move around is tough, especially when it’s your parent. You never imagined needing to do this for them, and it’s physically draining on top of everything else. Lifting, guiding, or just staying alert for their safety wears you down over time. Don’t be afraid to invest in tools—grab bars, shower chairs, or even a professional carer for backup. You don’t have to be a superhero every single day.

6. Their Personality Starts to Shift

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The parent you’ve known your whole life might start acting differently—maybe they’re angrier, quieter, or saying things that cut deep. It’s not them, it’s the dementia talking. But knowing that doesn’t always soften the blow. Some days, you’ll catch glimpses of who they used to be—a laugh, a phrase, a familiar look—and those moments feel like gold. Hold onto them. They’re still in there, even if it’s harder to see.

7. Taking Care of Yourself Feels Impossible

When you’re responsible for someone else 24/7, your own needs fall to the bottom of the list. You know self-care is important, but how do you make time for it when they need you constantly? Start small—a walk around the block, a quick meditation, or even just sitting with a cup of tea. Those tiny acts of care for yourself add up, and they’re crucial. Burnout helps no one, least of all your parent.

8. The Financial Stress Is Crushing

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Caring for a parent with dementia isn’t just emotionally draining—it’s expensive. Medications, doctor visits, and caregiving tools add up fast, not to mention the cost of professional help or care facilities if it comes to that. The weight of those expenses can feel suffocating, especially if you’re juggling your own bills. Don’t hesitate to research programs or reach out for financial assistance. There’s no shame in asking for help when you need it.

9. It’s Incredibly Lonely

People don’t really talk about how isolating caregiving can be. Friends might not understand, or you might not have the energy to keep up with them. Even family members might unintentionally leave you to shoulder the load. Joining a support group—whether in person or online—can be a game changer. Just knowing there are others who “get it” can make you feel less alone on those especially hard days.

10. You’re Always on High Alert

Worry becomes second nature when you’re a carer. Will they wander off? Forget to eat? Leave the stove on? The mental load of keeping them safe is exhausting, and it’s hard to switch off. Creating a safe environment with locks, alarms, and simplified routines can help ease some of that stress, but it won’t erase it. Just know you’re doing everything you can, and that’s more than enough.

11. Their Emotional Outbursts Hit Hard

Dementia can turn your once-calm parent into someone prone to anger or sadness at the drop of a hat. It’s jarring, especially when it’s directed at you. Remember, it’s the dementia talking—not them. Deep breaths and patience help, but so does stepping away when you need to. You’re allowed to take a moment to regroup. Responding with calm doesn’t mean you’re not affected, it just means you’re doing your best.

12. Grief Becomes a Constant Companion

You’re grieving even while they’re still here, and that’s one of the hardest parts. You miss the person they were, even as you love the person they are now. It’s complicated and heavy, and there’s no right way to handle it. Allow yourself to feel that grief without judgment. It doesn’t mean you’re giving up—it means you’re human, and your love for them runs deep.

13. Making the Big Decisions Hurts

Whether it’s moving them to a care facility or deciding on medical treatments, the big decisions weigh on you like nothing else. You’ll second-guess yourself, wonder if you’re doing the right thing, and feel guilty no matter what. But those choices come from love. You’re prioritizing their safety and well-being, even when it’s hard. Trust your instincts—you know what’s best for them better than anyone.

14. It Feels Like No One Understands

Unless someone’s been in your shoes, it’s hard for them to grasp what this experience is really like. The exhaustion, the heartbreak, the fleeting moments of joy—it’s a lot. But you’re not alone. Millions of people are walking this path, and connecting with others who “get it” can make the load feel a little lighter. You’re doing something extraordinary, even if it doesn’t always feel like it.

This content was created by a real person with the assistance of AI.

Georgia is a passionate story-teller and accomplished lifestyle journalist originally from Australia, now based in New York City. She writes lifestyle content for Bolde Media, publishers of Bolde, Star Candy and Earth Animals.