Sometimes, the things we say with good intentions can actually come across as dismissive, invalidating, or emotionally clueless. If you catch yourself using these phrases, it might be time to rethink how you respond to people’s emotions. Genuine connection isn’t about offering quick fixes or brushing off feelings—it’s about listening, validating, and understanding. Here are 14 phrases that prove you might not be as emotionally in tune as you think.
1. “Let Me Know If You Need Anything”
At first glance, this sounds thoughtful, but in reality, it shifts the burden back onto the person who is already struggling. When someone is overwhelmed, the last thing they want to do is figure out how to ask for help. This phrase often comes across as an empty offer rather than genuine support because it lacks specific action. People in distress typically don’t have the mental energy to identify what they need or initiate that conversation. By saying this, you might think you’re being supportive, but in practice, it leaves the other person feeling just as alone. According to Psychology Today, vague offers like this require overwhelmed individuals to brainstorm solutions and risk rejection, which studies show 68% of people in crisis find mentally taxing.
A better approach is to offer something concrete. Instead of a vague “let me know,” try something like, “I’m picking up groceries—can I grab anything for you?” or “I have some free time tomorrow—want me to swing by?” These specific offers make it easier for someone to accept help without feeling like they’re imposing. Emotionally intelligent people recognize that real support is proactive, not just performative. If you truly want to help, take the guesswork out of it and show up with actions, not just words.
2. “I Mean, It Could Be Worse”

This phrase is often said with good intentions, but it rarely has the effect people think it does. When someone is going through a tough time, hearing that “it could be worse” does nothing but invalidate their feelings. Yes, technically, most situations could be worse, but that doesn’t mean what they’re experiencing isn’t difficult. Comparing struggles isn’t helpful—it only makes people feel like they shouldn’t be upset, even when they have every right to be. Instead of providing comfort, this statement usually makes them shut down. According to trauma specialists, comparative statements trigger “disenfranchised grief,” making people feel guilty for experiencing valid emotions about non-life-threatening struggles.
People don’t need to hear that their suffering isn’t the worst thing in the world; they need to feel understood and supported. Instead of dismissing their emotions, try something more empathetic, like “That sounds really tough—how are you holding up?” or “I can see why this would be so frustrating.” Emotionally intelligent people understand that validation is far more powerful than minimizing. You don’t have to fix the problem, but simply acknowledging their feelings can make a world of difference.
3. “Why Are You Getting So Upset”
Nothing makes someone feel more dismissed than being asked why they’re upset in a way that suggests they shouldn’t be. This phrase immediately puts people on the defensive, making them feel like they have to justify their emotions instead of just experiencing them. Even if their reaction seems disproportionate to you, that doesn’t mean it isn’t valid. People don’t choose their feelings, and implying that their emotions are unnecessary only makes them feel worse. No one likes to be made to feel irrational or dramatic when they’re already struggling. According to research by Mind UK, 63% of adults perceived as “overly emotional” report being discouraged from seeking help due to stereotypes about appropriate emotional expression.
A much better response is to express curiosity and concern instead of criticism. Try saying, “I can see this is really affecting you—do you want to talk about it?” or “I want to understand—what’s making you feel this way?” This shows that you care without diminishing their emotions. Emotionally intelligent people recognize that just because they wouldn’t react the same way doesn’t mean someone else’s response isn’t justified. Everyone processes emotions differently, and respecting that difference is key to real connection.
4. “That’s Not What I Meant”

When someone tells you that your words hurt them, responding with “That’s not what I meant” completely misses the point. While your intentions might have been good, the impact is what truly matters. This phrase shifts the focus away from their feelings and onto your own need to be understood, which can come across as dismissive. Instead of taking responsibility, it makes the conversation about defending yourself rather than acknowledging their hurt. Just because you didn’t intend to upset them doesn’t mean their feelings aren’t valid. According to the Anti-Defamation League, when someone tells you that your words hurt them, responding with “That’s not what I meant” can be dismissive, as it shifts the focus away from their feelings and onto your own need to be understood.
The better way to handle this situation is to focus on the effect, not just the intent. Instead of getting defensive, try saying, “I didn’t realize that came across that way—I’m sorry. Can you help me understand so I don’t make the same mistake again?” This response acknowledges their feelings without making excuses. Emotionally mature people understand that their words can have unintended consequences and are willing to take accountability rather than arguing about what they meant.
5. “I Don’t Want To Get Involved”

On the surface, this might seem like a way to stay neutral, but in many cases, refusing to get involved is just a passive way of avoiding responsibility. When someone is hurting, dismissing their struggle with “I don’t want to get involved” makes it clear that you’d rather stay comfortable than offer support. It sends the message that their pain isn’t important enough to warrant action, and that kind of indifference can be just as hurtful as outright cruelty. Whether it’s a friend dealing with a toxic relationship or a coworker being mistreated, choosing to stay silent is still a choice.
If you genuinely can’t intervene, there are still ways to be supportive without putting yourself in the middle of a conflict. You could say, “I don’t know if I can fix this, but I’m here for you,” or “That sounds really hard—how can I support you?” Emotionally aware people know that ignoring a problem doesn’t make it go away, and sometimes, just acknowledging someone’s pain is enough to make them feel less alone. If you want to be a good friend, silence isn’t always the best option.
6. “I’m Sure They Didn’t Mean It That Way”

When someone is hurt by another person’s actions or words, telling them “I’m sure they didn’t mean it that way” completely dismisses their feelings. Even if the other person had no malicious intent, the pain is still real. This phrase shifts the focus away from the person who was hurt and instead defends the one who caused the harm. It sends the message that their reaction is an overreaction and that they should just brush it off. The reality is, whether or not someone “meant it” doesn’t change the fact that harm was done.
Instead of minimizing their experience, try validating it instead. Say something like, “That really sucks—do you want to talk about it?” or “I can see why that would bother you. How are you feeling about it?” This approach acknowledges their emotions without dismissing them. Emotionally intelligent people understand that intent does not erase impact. Rather than making excuses for the other person, they focus on offering support to the person who was hurt. A little validation goes a long way in making someone feel heard.
7. “You’re Overthinking It”
Few things make someone feel worse than being told they’re “overthinking it.” This phrase suggests that their concerns are invalid, their emotions are exaggerated, and they’re making a big deal out of nothing. The truth is, if someone is dwelling on something, it’s probably because it matters to them. Even if it wouldn’t be a big deal to you, dismissing their feelings as “overthinking” doesn’t help—it just makes them feel misunderstood. It can also make them second-guess themselves, leading to even more overanalyzing.
A better way to respond is with curiosity instead of dismissal. Try saying, “I can see this is weighing on you—what’s making you feel this way?” or “I hear you. Want to talk through it together?” This gives them the space to process their thoughts without feeling like they’re being judged. Emotionally aware people recognize that what seems small to one person might be huge to another. Listening without judgment is far more helpful than telling someone to “just stop thinking about it.”
8. “It’s Not That Deep”
This phrase is a fast way to make someone feel foolish for expressing their emotions. It implies that they are blowing things out of proportion and need to just “get over it.” But the thing is, what may not seem deep to you might feel incredibly significant to someone else. People experience emotions in different ways, and their depth of feeling isn’t something you get to dictate. Dismissing their concerns by saying “it’s not that deep” only isolates them further, making them feel like their feelings are silly or unwarranted.
Instead of brushing off their emotions, try asking, “What about this is bothering you the most?” or “I didn’t realize this was important to you—tell me more.” Even if you don’t fully understand why they feel the way they do, showing interest instead of dismissal makes all the difference. Emotionally intelligent people don’t decide for others what is or isn’t important. They listen, they validate, and they recognize that feelings are personal and complex.
9. “I Never Get Emotional About Things Like That”

Comparing your emotional reactions to someone else’s is one of the fastest ways to make them feel alienated. Saying, “I never get emotional about things like that” is a subtle way of implying that they’re weak, irrational, or overreacting. It suggests that because you don’t react the same way, their emotions must be unnecessary. But emotions aren’t one-size-fits-all. Just because something doesn’t hit you the same way doesn’t mean it isn’t valid for them.
A more thoughtful approach is to acknowledge their feelings instead of comparing them to your own. Try saying, “I don’t experience that the same way, but I can see it’s really affecting you” or “That sounds really tough—I’m here if you need to vent.” Emotionally mature people recognize that their emotional baseline isn’t the universal standard. They don’t belittle or judge others for feeling differently—they listen with empathy and without comparison.
10. “Ugh, I Hate Drama”

When someone is venting about a problem, dismissing it as “drama” is a surefire way to make them shut down. This phrase suggests that their feelings aren’t valid and that they are being dramatic simply for expressing them. While some people do thrive on unnecessary conflict, labeling every emotional conversation as “drama” discourages real discussions about serious issues. Sometimes, what people call “drama” is just someone processing a real, difficult situation.
Instead of dismissing them, ask, “Do you want my advice, or do you just need to vent?” This shows you respect their feelings while also setting boundaries if the conversation feels overwhelming. Emotionally aware people understand that venting doesn’t equal drama. They create space for open conversations instead of making people feel like they are being ridiculous for having emotions.
11. “You Should Be More Grateful”

While gratitude is important, using it as a way to shut down someone’s feelings is not helpful. Saying “you should be grateful” when someone is struggling implies that their pain is invalid because things could be worse. It forces them to suppress their feelings rather than process them. The truth is, people can be grateful and still experience frustration, sadness, or disappointment at the same time.
A better response is to acknowledge both realities. Instead of pushing gratitude as a way to dismiss their emotions, try saying, “I know this is hard, and I also know you’re doing your best to focus on the positives.” This way, you’re encouraging resilience without making them feel guilty for struggling. Emotionally intelligent people understand that feelings don’t have to be all or nothing. Someone can appreciate what they have and still find certain situations difficult.
12. “It’s Just A Joke”
When someone says something hurtful and then follows it up with “It’s just a joke,” what they’re really saying is, “Your feelings don’t matter as long as I was trying to be funny.” Humor doesn’t excuse harm. If a joke upsets someone, the correct response isn’t to gaslight them into thinking they are overreacting—it’s to acknowledge that their feelings are valid.
Instead of being defensive, try saying, “I didn’t mean to hurt you, and I won’t say that again.” This simple statement acknowledges their emotions and takes responsibility without making it a bigger issue. Emotionally aware people understand that jokes should bring people together, not tear them down. If someone tells you that your words hurt them, listening and adjusting is far more valuable than making excuses.
13. “You Always Do This”
This phrase immediately puts people on the defensive. It doesn’t just address the issue at hand—it makes the entire conversation about their entire personality. Saying “you always do this” turns a discussion into a personal attack, making it impossible to move forward in a productive way. No one likes to feel like their every action is being scrutinized or that they’re being lumped into an unchangeable pattern.
Instead, try being specific about the situation rather than making it about a larger pattern. Say something like, “I’ve noticed this happens often—can we talk about what’s going on?” This approach focuses on the behavior rather than labeling the person. Emotionally intelligent people know that accusations rarely lead to real change. Instead of assigning blame, they keep the conversation open and focused on solutions.
14. “I’m Just Being Honest”
Honesty is important, but using it as an excuse for being unnecessarily harsh isn’t emotional intelligence—it’s just rudeness. Saying “I’m just being honest” often comes across as an attempt to justify hurting someone’s feelings under the guise of being straightforward. The truth is, honesty without kindness isn’t helpful—it’s just mean.
If you want to be direct without being hurtful, focus on how you phrase things. Instead of bluntly pointing out someone’s flaws, try saying, “I want to be honest, but I also want to be constructive—how can I say this in a way that’s helpful?” Emotionally aware people understand that truth doesn’t have to be cruel. The way you say something matters just as much as what you say.