Relationships don’t usually fall apart overnight. The distance creeps in little by little until one day, you realize things aren’t the same anymore. Maybe you don’t talk as much, or you’ve stopped feeling excited to see each other. Whatever the case, if these red flags sound familiar, it’s time to take a hard look at where things are headed—and more importantly, what you can do to fix it.
1. You’ve Stopped Missing Them When They’re Away
In a healthy relationship, you should feel some level of excitement when your partner is gone for a while. Even if you enjoy your alone time, you should still look forward to reconnecting. But if their absence doesn’t really affect you, or worse, you feel relieved when they’re not around, that’s a sign the emotional connection is fading. As reported by Psychology Today, “When partners stop missing each other during periods of separation, it often indicates a diminishing emotional connection”.
To rebuild that sense of longing, try to consciously appreciate the moments you share. Send them a thoughtful message during the day, plan something fun for when they return, or reminisce about times when you couldn’t wait to see them. Sometimes, we take people for granted without realizing it, but a little effort can go a long way in making each other feel valued again.
2. You Kiss Them Because You Have To, Not Because You Want To
A kiss should feel like a natural, affectionate act, not an obligation. If you find yourself going through the motions—giving a quick peck out of habit rather than desire—it’s a sign that intimacy is fading. Passion doesn’t always come effortlessly, but it also shouldn’t feel forced. The Gottman Institute suggests that “kissing is a barometer for the health of a relationship”.
Instead of waiting for the spark to return on its own, take small steps to reignite physical affection. Hold hands more, cuddle without distraction, and kiss in a way that actually means something. The more effort you put into rebuilding that connection, the more natural it will start to feel again.
3. You Don’t Care If You Haven’t Heard From Them All Day
When you love someone, you naturally want to check in with them, even in small ways. If you go an entire day without hearing from them and it doesn’t faze you, that’s a red flag. It suggests that their presence (or lack thereof) no longer impacts your life the way it once did. Relationship experts at LoveIsRespect.org emphasize that “healthy communication is essential for maintaining a strong emotional connection”.
Rebuilding communication doesn’t mean bombarding each other with texts, but it does mean making an effort. A quick check-in during the day—whether it’s a funny meme, a “thinking of you” text, or asking about their day—keeps the connection alive. If you’ve stopped caring, it’s time to start making communication a priority again.
4. You Forget To Tell Them Things That Happen In Your Life
One of the biggest signs of a dying relationship is when your partner stops being your go-to person for sharing news, thoughts, and experiences. If something interesting, funny, or important happens and they’re not the first person you think to tell, that’s a sign the emotional bond is weakening. According to research published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, “self-disclosure is crucial for maintaining intimacy in romantic relationships”.
To fix this, make an effort to bring them back into your inner world. Start sharing small things again—the silly, the mundane, the random observations. Over time, this helps rebuild the habit of emotional intimacy, reminding you why they were once the person you turned to first.
5. You Resent Them And You’re Not Even Sure Why
Resentment is one of the most dangerous killers of relationships, and it often builds up without either person realizing it. Maybe you feel like they don’t appreciate you, or you’re holding onto past disappointments that were never fully addressed. Either way, when resentment lingers, it poisons every interaction.
Addressing resentment requires honesty—both with yourself and with them. Instead of letting it fester, talk about what’s bothering you. Be open about your needs and frustrations. Sometimes, resentment isn’t about one big issue but a series of small things that have gone unspoken for too long.
6. You Feel Exhausted Being Around Them
Spending time with your partner should feel enjoyable, not draining. If being around them feels more like an obligation than something you look forward to, that’s a major red flag. It could mean unresolved tensions are weighing you down, or that you no longer feel like your best self around them.
Instead of pulling away, try to change how you spend time together. Do something lighthearted, something that reminds you why you enjoyed each other’s company in the first place. Sometimes, a shift in dynamic—whether it’s a spontaneous date or simply laughing together—can make all the difference.
7. You Start Fantasizing About Other People
Having the occasional passing thought about someone else is normal, but if you’re actively imagining a life with someone new, that’s a sign of deeper dissatisfaction. It usually means there’s something missing in your current relationship that you’re longing for elsewhere.
Rather than ignoring these thoughts, use them as a wake-up call. What is it that you feel like you’re missing? Is it excitement? Passion? Connection? Instead of looking outside the relationship, talk to your partner about how you can bring those things back into what you already have.
8. You Don’t Say Goodnight To Each Other Anymore
It’s a small gesture, but it matters. Saying “goodnight” is more than just a habit—it’s a way of acknowledging each other before ending the day. If you’ve stopped doing this, it could mean that the sense of closeness you once had has started to slip away.
Rebuilding intimacy doesn’t always require grand gestures. Sometimes, the simplest habits—checking in, saying good morning, saying goodnight—help reinforce the bond that’s been neglected. Make the effort to restore those small but meaningful moments.
9. You’ve Stopped Learning About Each Other
People are constantly growing, changing, evolving. In a strong relationship, you continue to learn about each other, even after years together. If you realize you no longer ask about their interests, thoughts, or goals, it’s a sign that curiosity about each other has faded.
Fixing this is simple: Ask questions again. Be curious about what they’re into, what they’ve been thinking about, what’s been making them excited or stressed. Staying engaged in each other’s inner world keeps the relationship alive.
10. You Don’t Bother To Solve Fights Anymore
Arguments in a relationship aren’t the problem—how you handle them is. If you’ve reached a point where fights don’t get resolved, or worse, you don’t even care enough to argue, it’s a major red flag.
Communication is key to any lasting relationship. If disagreements are left to simmer instead of being addressed, resentment builds. Make an effort to talk things through, even if it’s uncomfortable. Avoiding conflict only makes it worse in the long run.
11. You Don’t Have Anything To Talk About
Conversations used to flow effortlessly between you, but now? Silence. Maybe you stick to surface-level topics—how work was, what’s for dinner—but the deep, meaningful talks have disappeared. If you struggle to find things to say or feel like conversations have become a chore, it’s a major red flag that emotional distance has set in.
Bringing back real conversations doesn’t mean forcing small talk; it means intentionally reconnecting. Ask questions that go beyond the routine. What have they been thinking about lately? What’s something that made them laugh? Reignite curiosity about each other. The more you actively engage, the easier it becomes to talk freely again.
12. You Start Putting Them Down Over Little Things
When love starts to fade, irritation takes its place. Suddenly, the little quirks you once found cute now drive you up the wall. You roll your eyes, make sarcastic comments, or criticize them over things that never used to bother you. Maybe it’s how they chew, how they tell stories, or how they handle stress—but deep down, it’s not really about those things.
If you’ve noticed yourself being unnecessarily harsh or mean, ask yourself why. Is there unresolved resentment lurking beneath the surface? Have you lost respect for them in some way? Instead of letting negativity erode the relationship, address what’s really bothering you. A healthy relationship is built on mutual kindness, not constant criticism.
13. You Think About Your Future But They’re Not In It
At one point, every vision of the future included them—where you’d live, what you’d accomplish, how you’d grow old together. But lately, when you think ahead, they don’t naturally fit into the picture anymore. Maybe you’re making plans that don’t involve them, or worse, you feel more excited about your future without them.
This isn’t something to brush off. If you’re mentally distancing yourself from the relationship, you need to figure out why. Are you feeling unfulfilled? Are you growing in different directions? If your future plans no longer align, it’s time for an honest discussion about where the relationship is really headed.
14. You’d Rather Go Out With Your Friends Than With Them
Spending time with friends is healthy, but if you actively avoid spending time with your partner, that’s a sign something is wrong. When given the choice, do you instinctively choose friends over them? Does a night out with friends sound exciting, while a night in with your spouse feels like an obligation?
Rebuilding the bond starts with bringing fun back into the relationship. Plan something different—go to a concert, take a weekend trip, try a new hobby together. Relationships thrive when there’s excitement and adventure. If you can rediscover the joy of spending time together, you might find that spark returning.
