Thinking about opening up your marriage? Sure, it can sound like an exciting new chapter—freedom, honesty, and maybe a little adventure. But the reality is a lot messier than the idealized version you might picture. Open marriages require a foundation of trust, communication, and mutual respect that’s rock-solid before you even start. Without that, things can unravel fast. Let’s break down 14 red flags that might signal this arrangement isn’t the right fit—for now, or maybe ever.
1. One of You Is Way More Into It
If one partner is pushing for it while the other is reluctantly agreeing just to keep the peace, that’s a serious issue. An open marriage requires mutual enthusiasm—both of you need to want this for it to work. If one person feels coerced, it sets the stage for resentment and hurt feelings down the line. When the balance of interest is skewed, it’s not a shared decision; it’s a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.
2. You Think It’ll Fix Your Relationship
If you’re already struggling as a couple, opening up the relationship won’t be the magic cure you’re hoping for. It might sound like a way to reignite excitement or address issues like boredom or lack of intimacy, but the truth is, it’ll only magnify the problems that already exist. Open marriages thrive on trust and communication—if those things are shaky now, introducing more people into the dynamic will only make the cracks more visible.
3. Jealousy Is Already a Problem
Let’s not pretend jealousy just vanishes because you’ve agreed to an open marriage. If you or your partner already struggle with feeling insecure or possessive, this arrangement is more likely to fan the flames than extinguish them. Jealousy is natural, but it needs to be addressed openly and honestly. Without a solid foundation of trust and emotional security, jealousy will rear its ugly head in ways that can’t easily be fixed.
4. Boundaries Are Vague or Nonexistent
An open marriage without clear boundaries is like heading out to sea without a map. What’s allowed? What’s off-limits? How much detail do you share with each other? These aren’t optional questions—they’re essential. Without clear, agreed-upon rules, you’re setting yourselves up for misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and even betrayal. Boundaries are what make an open marriage sustainable and without them, you’re just winging it, and that’s a recipe for disaster.
5. It Feels Like a Competition
If one of you is secretly hoping to “win” by dating someone hotter, younger, or more exciting, that’s a huge red flag. Open marriages only work when both partners are on the same team, enhancing the relationship rather than turning it into a competition. The minute one person feels like they’re being compared or outdone, the trust and connection you’re trying to build will start to crumble. Keep the games for trivia night, not your marriage.
6. Trust Isn’t Rock Solid
If you don’t completely trust your partner—or they don’t completely trust you—introducing an open marriage is like adding fuel to a fire. Trust is the backbone of any healthy relationship, but it’s absolutely critical in an open one. Without it, every text, every outing, and every vague explanation will lead to doubt and suspicion. If you’re not 100% confident in your relationship’s foundation, this isn’t the move for you right now.
7. Communication Is a Weak Spot
Open marriages demand a level of communication that many couples aren’t used to. You have to be able to talk openly about everything—your feelings, your insecurities, your boundaries—without fear of judgment or backlash. If you already struggle with communication, opening up the marriage is only going to add more layers of confusion and misunderstanding. Work on getting comfortable with those tough conversations before you even think about adding more people into the mix.
8. Someone Feels Neglected
If one of you is already feeling emotionally or physically neglected, this isn’t the way to fix it. Opening up the relationship might sound like a solution to fill the gaps, but it’s more likely to deepen them. The feelings of neglect will get tangled up in the new dynamics, making it even harder to address the root issues. Before you go outside the relationship, make sure the inside is solid and fulfilling for both of you.
9. You’re Not on the Same Page About What “Open” Means
To one of you, “open marriage” might mean casual flings, while the other is thinking about forming deep, emotional connections with others. Without a shared understanding of what this arrangement looks like, you’re bound to run into trouble. Misaligned expectations lead to hurt feelings and accusations of broken boundaries. Have the tough conversations upfront so there’s no confusion about what’s allowed and what isn’t.
10. You’re Keeping It a Secret
If the idea of an open marriage feels too embarrassing to share with even your closest friends, that’s worth exploring. While you don’t need to announce it to the world, keeping it completely under wraps might signal some lingering doubts or insecurities. If you’re not confident enough to own the decision, it’s worth pausing to ask why. An open marriage should feel like a choice, not a secret shame.
11. Someone Is Doing It Out of Spite
If the motivation behind opening up the marriage is “Well, if you get to do it, so do I,” you’re not in a healthy place to make this decision. Spite and revenge don’t belong in any relationship, let alone one that’s experimenting with new boundaries. Before considering this, deal with any lingering anger or resentment—otherwise, those emotions will poison the process from the start.
12. One Partner Feels Replaceable
If one of you feels like an afterthought or a backup plan, the emotional fallout will be devastating. Open marriages are supposed to add to the relationship, not subtract from it. When one person starts to feel like they’re competing for attention or being replaced, it’s a sign that the balance is way off. This needs to be addressed before opening things up, or it’ll only get worse.
13. There’s No Plan for Handling Jealousy
Jealousy will happen—it’s human. The question isn’t whether it’ll show up; it’s how you’ll handle it when it does. Pretending jealousy won’t be an issue is naive at best and destructive at worst. Have a plan for how you’ll navigate those feelings, whether it’s setting boundaries, taking breaks, or having open and honest check-ins. Ignoring jealousy won’t make it disappear; it’ll just fester.
14. Someone’s Just Going Along With It
Agreeing to an open marriage just to make your partner happy is a recipe for resentment. Both people need to genuinely want this for it to work—anything less, and it’s doomed to fail. If you’re saying “yes” when you really mean “no,” it’s time to speak up. A half-hearted agreement isn’t just unfair to you; it’s unfair to the relationship.
This content was created by a real person with the assistance of AI.
