14 Signs He’s Actually Not Interested In You Even Though He Wants To Date You

Wait, what? How can a guy want to date you but not be interested in you? It sounds mad but it happens. If it feels like your dates aren’t going anywhere, it’s because he doesn’t want them to. Here are 14 signs he just doesn’t like you enough to become your boyfriend:

  1. He’s the star of the chase. The guy’s got game. He knows how to flatter and charm you so that you’ll go on a date with him. But once he gets your attention and time, he starts to seem bored or pay attention to his phone more than you. WTF? He only wanted the ego boost from getting you. What a loser.
  2. He sends you unsolicited pics of his junk. If he hardly knows you and he’s sending you pictures of his genitals, move on! The guy only likes you enough to sleep with you and clearly has no respect for you.
  3. He’s “too busy” for real datesHe likes to go on the types of dates that appeal to him, like drinks at his place. He avoids any dates that feel too much like what couples do and doesn’t consider that he should be meeting you halfway when it comes to how you spend your time. What gives? He’s selfish, only keen on keeping things casual so you don’t think in relationship terms.
  4. He’s a robot. You guys have a great time together but he never actually speaks about his feelings for you. He might say he had a great time on your kayaking date but not say anything about whether or not he feels something real for you. Ugh, what’s his deal? He’s just having fun but wasting your time. FFS!
  5. He’s a floater dater. Dating him is really just like floating around, not really going anywhere. It’s okay for a few dates, but then it starts to become annoying AF, like getting lost on a spontaneous road trip that was supposed to be fun. The guy told you he really liked you and wanted to date you but clearly he’s not looking to make it anything more serious than that.
  6. He doesn’t plan. You want a man who has a plan! You don’t want the guy who invites you to outings he’s already on (how convenient)—you want the guy who plans to meet you for drinks or dinner a week ahead of time. If he can’t plan ahead and it seems like he’s acting way too lazy with you, he’s never going to become your boyfriend.
  7. He texts but never calls. The guy loves texting but if you had to ask him to call you, he’d probably have a nervous breakdown. Loser. He might say that he hates calls, but come on—if he’s really interested, he’s going to want to hear your voice and have real conversations with you.
  8. He’s not boyfriend material. You’ve heard through the grapevine that he’s not a good boyfriend. Maybe he has a ton of flings to his name or he never dates someone for longer than six months. He might even joke about all his failed relationship attempts. Instead of thinking you can be the one to change his disastrous love life, move on! He’s probably going to disappoint you just like all the other women he dated.
  9. He doesn’t reply to everything. You want a guy who really loves chatting to you and will reply to all your texts. If he’s inconsistent with texting, leaving you hanging sometimes, he’s showing a clear sign that he’s not committed to something real with you.
  10. He doesn’t DTRIt’s been six dates and he still hasn’t said anything about wanting a relationship. Don’t beat yourself up wondering why. The answer is obvious: he won’t define it because there’s nothing to define. He’s not in a relationship and doesn’t see one on the cards.
  11. You want to ask him where you’re going. It’s so frustrating to deal with a guy who doesn’t tell you what he wants, but instead of asking him where your relationship’s going, listen to your gut. If you feel you have to ask, you probably already know the answer: it’s not happening. Instead of asking him what he wants, really suss out what you want. It’s not this silly guy, you can be sure.
  12. His efforts are fizzling. He seemed really interested in you when you first started dating. Now, it’s like he’s become a bit vaguer and more distant with you. It’s not just that you don’t know where you stand with him, but you’re starting to feel taken for granted or sidelined. The jerk’s keeping his options open instead of committing to you.
  13. He orders you fish even though you’re allergic. The dude doesn’t know anything about you! He hardly even asks you questions or he just doesn’t listen to what you say about yourself. Yes, you’re on dates, but you’re really more like acquaintances who sleep together. He’s not relationship-minded if he shows zero curiosity in who you are. FYI: having fun together on dates doesn’t mean he’s getting closer to you. Anyone can do that.
  14. He acts like your boyfriend. Just because he holds your hand and kisses you on dates, it doesn’t mean he’s keen to be your boyfriend. He has to do other boyfriend things to be taken seriously, the things that really matter, like making an effort to see you, not giving you mixed messages, and showing you how much he values you. If that’s not happening, then the guy’s not serious. You can do so much better.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.