Liking things done a certain way isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But when you’re the one who always has to take charge, can’t let anyone else do anything without hovering, or just straight-up loses it if plans change, you might have some control freak tendencies that you don’t even recognize. If this sounds like you, here are some signs you have control issues, plus tips on how to chill out and loosen your grip.
1. You Can’t Trust Anyone Else to Do It Right
If your motto is, “I’ll just do it myself,” because letting others handle things gives you serious anxiety, you’ve got some control freak vibes going on. It’s not that you think everyone else is incompetent—you think they’re not going to do it your way, which, to you, is obviously the best way.
Tip: Start small. Let someone else take the reins on something low-stakes and fight the urge to “check-in.” Trust us, the world won’t fall apart if you don’t micromanage every little detail.
2. Changes in Plans Make You Break Out in Hives
Okay, maybe not literally, but you do not like last-minute changes. You’ve got a plan, and when things don’t go according to it, it feels like the end of the world. Your brain goes into overdrive because, well, now everything is out of your hands.
Tip: Leave a little wiggle room in your schedule for the unexpected. Try saying “yes” to something spontaneous—even if it’s just taking a different route to work. Getting comfortable with a bit of chaos will help you freak out less when plans inevitably shift.
3. You Think Your Way Is the Only Way
If you’ve got a “my way or the highway” mentality, you probably think this makes you a total boss, but in reality, it makes people uncomfortable. It’s not that you’re trying to be dismissive—it’s just that you’ve already mapped out the “right” way to do things in your head.
Tip: Next time, step back and listen to someone else’s suggestion. Try it out, even if you’re skeptical. Who knows, maybe you’ll find out your way isn’t the only way (even if it’s still the best).
4. You’re the Unofficial “Corrector-in-Chief”
If you habitually correct people over tiny details—whether it’s their grammar, their facts, or the way they make their coffee—you might be coming off as a bit of a know-it-all. While you might see it as helpful, others might see it as nitpicking, costing you professional and personal relationships.
Tip: Before jumping in with your “helpful” correction, ask yourself: Does this matter? If the answer is no, let it go. Nobody likes a grammar cop at a casual dinner party.
5. You’re Drowning in Responsibilities Because You Won’t Let Anyone Else Help
You take on everything because, in your mind, it’s just easier than trusting someone else to do it “right.” The problem? You’re stretched too thin and overwhelmed 24/7.
Tip: Make a list of your daily tasks and force yourself to delegate at least one. It’s not about letting standards slip; it’s about not driving yourself to the brink just to prove you can do it all. For a change, let someone else carry a bit of the load.
6. You Can’t Seem to Stop Reliving the Past
Do you replay old arguments, past decisions, or when you made a typo in an important email? If you can’t seem to let go of things that are already over, it’s because you’re trying to control what’s already in the rearview mirror.
Tip: When your brain starts pulling you back to those “shoulda, coulda, woulda” moments, remind yourself that the past is done, and there’s no edit button. Focus on what’s in front of you, not what’s behind you.
7. You’re a Certified Micromanager
If you’re the type who’s constantly checking in to make sure things are done just right, you’re not delegating—you’re micromanaging. And no one likes to be micromanaged. It’s suffocating, and you need to stop doing it in all areas of your life.
Tip: Instead of giving people step-by-step instructions, focus on the end goal. Let them figure out how to get there. You might be surprised they’re perfectly capable without you breathing down their necks.
8. You Can’t Relax Without an Itinerary
If your idea of “spontaneous fun” is scheduling an hour to do whatever, you’re probably struggling to let go. Even your downtime is structured; you never go with the flow.
Tip: Try giving yourself a day with no plans. Just see where it takes you. Yes, it’ll feel weird and uncomfortable at first, but it’s good practice to let life happen without having every minute accounted for.
9. You Freak Out When You’re Not in Control
If you get anxious when someone else is in charge or plans aren’t set in stone, your need for control runs deep. It’s not just about wanting things a certain way—it’s about needing that feeling of security.
Tip: Start small by letting someone else take the lead on little things, like picking where to go for dinner. It’s a low-stakes way to get used to the idea that you don’t always have to be in control for things to work out.
10. You Hate Asking for Help
When you think “help,” you think “weakness.” You’d rather struggle through something alone than admit you could use a hand. You know it’s ridiculous, but it still feels like a sign that you can’t do it all.
Tip: Change the narrative. Accepting help isn’t a sign you’re not capable—it just means you’re smart enough to know when you need it. Next time someone offers, say yes, even if it’s just for the little things. You’re not losing points here.
11. You Can’t Resist Fixing Other People’s Problems
Are you the go-to person for everyone else’s issues, whether they asked for it or not? Your inner control freak loves playing problem-solver, even when it’s not your place.
Tip: Pause before jumping in to “save the day.” Ask if they even want your advice. It gives them a chance to figure things out on their own and helps you practice not always being the fixer.
12. Perfectionism Is Your Middle Name
You’re not satisfied until every detail is exactly right. While there’s nothing wrong with having high standards, the constant push for perfection can make everything feel like a struggle.
Tip: Set “good enough” goals instead of perfect ones. Start by aiming for 90% instead of 100%. Trust us, the world won’t end if something isn’t flawless. Sometimes, done is better than perfect.
13. Mistakes Are Your Kryptonite
You hate messing up—and you hate it even more when other people mess up. It’s like your control freak tendencies go into overdrive whenever things don’t go perfectly according to plan, putting everyone around you on edge.
Tip: Shift your mindset to see mistakes as part of the learning process, not proof that you (or someone else) failed. Cut yourself and others slack; life is not always the flawless performance you want.
14. People Call You a Control Freak—To Your Face
If your friends or family call you out on your controlling tendencies, it’s probably not a compliment (even if they’re laughing while they say it). It means they’ve noticed, and it’s affecting how they interact with you.
Tip: Listen to the feedback without getting defensive. Ask people close to you for examples of when you’ve been overly controlling. Don’t beat yourself up; understand how your behavior comes off, and find ways to let others share the wheel.
