14 Signs You’re Getting Way Too Attached To The Guy You’re Chatting To Online

Online dating can help you meet someone you might never have crossed paths with in real life, but sometimes it can get out of hand, making you think you’re building a real relationship with someone when really you haven’t even met. If you’re doing any of these 14 things with the Tinder dude you’ve been chatting to, maybe it’s time to disconnect from the dating app.

  1. You fantasize about him. You often imagine what he’s like, where he lives, and what he’ll say to certain questions—yup, you have imaginary conversations with the guy in your head. Stop! You’re projecting all your ideas onto him without knowing anything about his real life. Sure, he might tell you loads about it, but it’s never the same as seeing it—and him—with your own eyes.
  2. Your conversations are a fireworks show. You really know a lot about this guy and have so much fun chatting to him, you feel the chemistry. Sure, online connections can happen, but they’re never the same thing as connecting in real life. What about things like body language, touches of affection, hearing someone’s laugh, seeing their mannerisms? You’re missing out on so much, so put connections and chemistry on hold for when you meet up in real life, okay?
  3. Real-life guys don’t interest you. You like this online guy so much that when guys ask you out in real life, you find yourself rejecting them. It’s almost like you feel you’re already in a relationship. Yikes. You’re dating an illusion and disconnecting from real life.
  4. You’re not talking to anyone else. You were getting loads matches on the dating app but when this guy started chatting to you, you didn’t give AF about who else was trying to get your attention. Although it’s cool to find someone you feel is on the same level as you, it doesn’t hurt to keep your options open. Focusing just on this guy can make you start to believe that he’s your soulmate or something, which can lead to major disappointment if you meet up and find out he’s nothing like his online interactions. Maintain some perspective here.
  5. You associate length of time with quality. You think that since you’ve been chatting to this guy for weeks, it must mean that you’re onto something good but that’s BS. You can talk to a guy online for months, only to discover that he’s actually not right for you where it counts: in real life.
  6. You miss him. When you get on with living your life, you find yourself thinking about this guy and even missing him. It feels crazy sometimes that he’s made such a huge impression on you. Just remember: you’re really just missing an idea of someone, not the person themselves.
  7. You can’t wait to get in touch. When you see something funny on Facebook or eat at a great restaurant, you can’t wait to tell him about it. You might even end up with your face on your phone screen the entire time you’re supposed to be out socializing. It’s like you want him to be there at your side, only he’s not. Acting like he is will just hold you back from living your life.
  8. You imagine dating him. Based on what he’s told you about himself and how well you get along, you’ve thought about what dating him will be like. You might even have relationship plans for the two of you. Whoa, you’re getting ahead of yourself! It’s bad enough to have so many expectations with a guy you’ve actually started dating in real life, but for someone you’ve only spoken to behind a screen? Bad idea. You can only know him based on what he’s told you —and chosen to hide from view. You have no idea if he’s really boyfriend material.
  9. You talk about him all the time. You’ve spoken about the guy to your best friend so much, it’s like she knows the guy! Chances are, she’s told you to meet him in RL already instead of falling for someone who’s practically a stranger. She’s right.
  10. You get upset when he goes awol. When you don’t hear from the guy for a day or so, you get really upset or wonder where he is and what he’s doing… Clingy, much? You’re treating him like he’s your boyfriend when really he doesn’t owe you anything. Why? Because you haven’t even gone on a real-life date with the guy!
  11. You’re fine with chatting… and chatting. You’ve been talking to this guy for weeks and still haven’t met. Maybe you battled to get your busy schedules in sync or he hasn’t actually asked you out. Instead of this being a giant red flag, you’re okay with it because you really enjoy getting to know him. It’s troubling if you’re ignoring red flags – you’re fooling yourself about him.
  12. You’re scared af to meet in real life. You’re so terrified to meet the guy in real life because there’s so much to lose. All those emails and texts, all those conversations, all that building up to something… what if nothing happens? You’ve already invested so much into this “relationship” and that’s a problem. Sure, you might hit it off in real life, but you might not. It’s never worth your time or energy to make an online connection part of your life until it’s genuinely a part of it. Otherwise, you just risk getting hurt. The good news is you really have nothing to lose because you don’t really have anything with this guy. Sorry not sorry.
  13. You call him your dream guy. He shares the same hobbies, interests, life goals and has a similar personality to yours. Geez, this guy’s a dream. Err, maybe not. It’s easy to think that since you seem so right for each other online – and maybe even the dating app claims you’re a perfect match – you’re going to be hitting relationship bliss. But the problem with thinking he’s perfect is that it makes you ignore potential flaws that can be deal-breakers, while also potentially making you miss out on what he’s really like. What he’s like in person could be so much better than online, but you won’t be able to see it because any differences will put you off him! Ugh.
  14. You’ve had phone sex. You’ve flirted a lot and sexted a few times. Perhaps a few of your phone conversations became filled with dirty talk. Although this might seem like harmless fun, it’s not. It’s creepy. You’re getting way too intimate with someone who hasn’t even met you, might be a creep in real life, and who hasn’t made any effort to be someone you could really date in real life. Why give him such relationship perks when you’re not even in a relationship?
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.