Dating is such a chore sometimes, and it can feel like you go on more horrible first dates than good ones. It’s not your fault; the way our world is today, it’s increasingly difficult to form meaningful relationships. It’s not because we’re so unreasonable and expect to be treated like royalty — we just want to be respected and valued as more than a potential notch on your proverbial bedpost. Here are a few of the best things guys can do on a first date that will definitely make us want a second.
Offer to pick us up and drive.
We may insist on taking our own car or Uber, but it’s a nice move to at least offer to provide transportation. Being independent gets exhausting sometimes, and it’s nice to be treated to a responsibility-free night out. Plus, if your radio happens to be already set on the local classic rock station and that’s our favorite kind of music, you’ve already won some bonus points for being awesome.
Open doors for us.
Guys, I know you’re afraid of offending feminists, but you’re allowed to open the door for us and we appreciate the gentlemanly gesture. Chivalry isn’t dead, so don’t believe that BS. When you open the door, we don’t assume you think we’re incapable of opening doors. We just appreciate that you think we’re special enough to be worth the effort, and that makes us respect you more.
Have intelligent conversational topics in mind.
Nothing’s worse than an awkward first date where one person is struggling to carry the conversation while the other nods and grunts. We’re actively involved in the world and we read the news, so verse yourself on current events and make an effort to connect with us on an intellectual level. In our heads, a first date conversation is like an audition for the dinner conversations we plan to have with our future husband someday. If we really enjoy talking to you, we’ll definitely want to see you again.
Ask about our hobbies, career and life goals.
The point of a first date is to get to know someone and determine if they might be a good match for you. If you don’t make an effort to get to know who we really are, it throws up a red flag that you aren’t serious and you’re probably just looking for sex. If you make us feel like you’re truly interested in who we are and what we love, we’ll feel respected and want to see you again.
Actively listen when we talk.
Any douchebag can simply ask us questions about our lives and then stare off into space absently while we answer. We’re not going to fall for that. You need to show us that you care by actively listening, which includes making eye contact, nodding, and adding your input to the conversation. We already know that our lives matter, and, if you show us that we matter to you too, we will be more likely to want to see you again.
Tell us about your hobbies, career and life goals too.
Women today are very strong and independent, and we love guys who are strong and driven enough to complement us. Tell us about your favorite classes in college, your proudest professional achievements, and your loftiest life goals. Intelligent, professional, goal-driven guys turn us on in a major way, and we’ll definitely want a second date if you show us what you’re really made of.
Tell us that we’re beautiful.
This is one instance where synonyms don’t cut it. If you describe a woman as sexy, it sounds like you only view her as a sexual object. Don’t say she’s cute, either; she’s not a bunny or a kitten. If you want a woman to know that you take her seriously and really like her, use the word beautiful.
Pick up the check.
Yes, we are strong and independent and make our own money, but this is still the gentlemanly thing to do on a first date with a woman you asked out. We’ll do the check dance because we don’t want to seem demanding, but we’re so much less likely to want to see you again if you asked us out and then insisted on splitting the check, decreasing our weekly grocery funds by at least $20-30.
Walk us to the door when you drop us off.
Once upon a time, men actually cared about the safety of women. Even though we are capable of taking care of ourselves, we do wish guys still cared about our safety. Walking us to the door after a first date will show us that you’re a gentleman, and we’ll be more likely to want to see you again.
If you like us, initiate the first kiss.
First dates are a little scary for everyone, and even the strongest woman probably isn’t comfortable making the first move physically. If you like us, make that clear by initiating a kiss. If we like you too and don’t want the evening to end just yet, we’ll invite you in. However, you shouldn’t assume that you’ll be invited in. Wait for the invitation.
If you’re invited in, don’t assume that means you’re definitely getting laid.
If you’ve impressed us enough to gain access to our very own fortress of solitude, you’ve done well so far; we know you’re interested, and we’ll communicate very clearly what we’re up for at this point. We may just want some more drinks, conversation, and a little fooling around but not want to have sex yet. We may be feeling the connection so intensely that we’re comfortable going all the way. That decision isn’t yours to make, so just let us lead the way from here.
If you want a second date, let us know.
If you had a terrific time and want to see us again, be honest. Don’t play games; we know all the games and we hate them. If we agree to a second date, earn some bonus points by planning it on the spot. Live music downtown on Thursday night sounds awesome! We love a spontaneous guy who can think on his feet.
Text us the next day.
Guys, the 3 days rule is completely played out. Whether you’ve already planned a second date or not, if you would like to see us again, don’t wait 3 days to make contact. That’s the oldest BS game in the book, and it’ll make us not want to see you again.
Prior to a second date, keep your texts respectful.
Follow up on those nice career and life goal conversations you had on the date, and ask us how the big presentation went at work. Tell us about your day. Don’t try to sext and please, for the love of God, DO NOT send unsolicited pictures of your penis. If we want to see it, we’ll ask!
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